hiya Lou, Yeah, I have thought about the whole health aspect of it. I suppose that if he was even AWARE that the frequency has drastically dropped off, I would chalk it up to that.
Here's what I think is weird:
He does not remember the frequency--or even have a close approximation of what it was--but he has lamented the fact, several times, that I have changed and am not as aggressive as I once was.
Did he think I would stay like this forever?
Aggressively interested in a lukewarm spouse?
Does that make sense to anyone or am I just being a hardnose?
Ah well, I am really employing all the SBT techniques that I have in my arsenal this week and hoping to get us out of this semi-rut we're in. We are getting along splendidly but the sex is HO HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
If you look back over my threads of the last 2 months, I keep saying that the frequency is slipping..slipping.
I gotta nip this in the bud but I'd prefer it to not be ME driving the train, as it has been for the last 3 years.
I'm a mess...I'm sick of being "in charge" but the frequency drops when he's in charge and that's not workin for me either. I want I want I want.
Re the LD memories of sexual frequency: I remember one time at the last C that we went to, BF said it had been a "couple of months" since the frequency of our sexual encounters dropped way off. I pointed out that it had been more than A YEAR! And I could back that up by citing that it had been before his heart surgery which indeed had been more than a year before. If I hadn't been able to point to the surgery, he would not have believed me, and would have said I was just saying this to make him look/feel bad.
HP, from what I think I know of you, having your partner interested in you is so very energizing. You could live for a month on one great lusty chase and encounter, (ok longing for another but enough fuel anyhow).
Keep your ground! I have drifted into complacency and have lost my twinkle. I hope its still out there but with the meds im taking and my situation, there is no drive and I am changing to be ND. It's not me. There is no energy. No twinkle. I dont feel alive! I feel like a working drone.
DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU! (((((HUGS))))
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
HP BB ML history is so different from mine she must have 2 or 3 H's that I am note aware of and it works the other way too. Sometimes she does not remember us ML and I certanially was in bed with her and not another W.
Jimmy and Rose Carter were both writing books and comparing notes (TV show) and they both remember things differently during his presidency.
he has lamented the fact that I have changed and am not as aggressive as I once was. He still does not understand fully how you want him to make the moves.
When I was growing up, I knew of a couple of guys that would bang a knot hole. Knock up girls and laugh about it. The guys were pigs and I did not respect them 1%. I did not want to be like them so when I first went out with BB I needed clear signs she was interested. After marriage I did not need her to do the clear sign thing to ML.
Maybe Mr HP is stuck in some mode like I was in my early dating days?
Aggressively interested in a lukewarm spouse? HP there are a hundred reasons why he might show luke warmness.
I had some luke warm days caused by: Bad day at work Feeling overwhelmed financially Worried about another pregnancy Put downs from BB Trying to get work done at home Doing taxes Mentally balancing income with out go $$$ Kids having trouble in school (Not about me but sharing my reasons)
Most were only concerns for a few days and it was back in the saddle again.
HP, Remind him! This is that dissillusionment that me and you talked about a while ago. Every marriage has it, the difference is how long it takes to pull out of it.
HP, one more thing. I think Lou might beonto something here. Has the stress level from the job change reduced at all? I suspect not much, and I'd bet that may have a lot to do with it. How's mrHP doing with the new job? How is the search for a more fitting job progressing?
If he doesn't remember a time when we were hot to trot, then how is this attributable to those things? All he remembers about those days is that I was more horny.
Of course I was! I didn't yet realize that I would be in charge of bringing the heat for the rest of my life. I really believed that he would step up to the plate eventually. MrHP loves me. Adores me. I never in a million years thought that this would be so difficult for him. Apparently it is more important to him to keep himself "covered up" (a la Cinemanymph's description) than it is to meet me halfway.
CN, by the way, I asked him about this revelation when he got home that night and he said, I said what? Oh I meant that I "hold back" at work. I don't think I do it in our marriage.
I was bummed OUT, mama!
Anyway, back to you GGB, the truth is that I have become less hot to trot over the last year. I am getting that sluggish, I give up, resigned, ho hum attitude about me. The prospect of our sex life no longer seems fresh and invigorating. It seems like, Here we go again..I gotta bring it all and he will then snap to life like some deranged rubber band.
Being a woman and being faced with a lifetime of namby-pambyness from your MAN is a bummer that I can't seem to shake lately.
HOWEVER!! I should note that I am journaling and venting here and this is not the tone of our time together at all. I'm giving it until the job stuff settles down and his ego has a chance to restore itself before I heap any more shiit on him. We are having fun and enjoying each other.
He is in an interview as I write. This job is close to home, 25K more than what he makes now, and for a company that makes lots of useful stuff like Lysol, etc. (gotta love that when you have little ones right!) It would be an incredible blessing if he gets this, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.
At any rate, yes, it is disillusionment. I am disappointed in him that he can't find it in himself to show desire, and I am disappointed in myself that my own pride will prevent me from being the heat-bringer for the rest of my days. What a waste! Coupla stubborn idiots, we are.
Our wives and our situations do seem to be eerily similar. It’s also kind of eerie how much MrHP and I are alike – except for that little sex thing that is.
