JJ That is awesome you are going!!!! Hope you have a blast. It's just an awesome opportunity. And what could be more fun then sisters getting to bond and spend time together.
JJ.....What a baby!!! Then to be soooo juvenile and refuse to help your mom.
How sad you won't be available to be his slave for the weekend. He is a grown man and can cook for himself. You would think he would be happy for you. Maybe the time apart will do good. He may see what a great wife he has when faced with being alone for a week. Maybe the chances of getting laid aren't that favorable right now. maybe when you return home he will jump you. LOL
Quote: JJ.....What a baby!!! Then to be soooo juvenile and refuse to help your mom.
Cally, Don't be too hard on Jen's H for balking at helping her mom move. At least not w/o hearing his reasons...
I went through similar nonsense when my in-laws moved to our neck of the woods from 600 miles away. I noticed that they insisted on bringing bank statements from the 1960's and boxes of god-knows-what that have not even seen the light of day for at least 20 years--hard-core pack rats you understand. Example: My FIL kept the original perscription bottles for his meds for most of his adult life (we recently celebrated hi big nine-O, to put this in perspective). He had eyeglasses from at least 20 years back--it was I who informed him of the Lion's Club and their noble activity. After my in-laws moved into our neck of the woods, (w/o our help despite our offers--my MIL, in fact, did not even belive that she would have to move after closing) my W considered, for all intents and purposes, moving there on weekends (i.e. taking the Friday afternoon commuter train to their place and calling me for a ride home on Sunday) to help them unpack and set up housekeeping. This would last in her words, "Until I am satisfied with their living arrangements". Never mind that she and her mother are unpleasable (although my W is now working to become pleasable) and at that time she wouldn't do anything around OUR house without putting up a hissy fit first. Furthermore, this was the only time that we were MLing, so on my end this would mean total celibacy 'til my W succeeded in pleasing two (2) unpleasable women (one of them her).
In the convo about this matter, my W did try to lay a guilt trip for balking about an open-ended abandonment. A revealing exchange: W: "Where exactly SHOULD [emphasis original] my priorities be?" ME: "The answer is on your left hand." W: "I know we're married, but..." [more lame rationalizations follow].
We finally agreed to one and only one weekend for this. Yes, she got a lot done. No, no one was satisfied, but for two of those involved, that is par for the course. As my W is her parents' executor, she'll have quite a time liquidating those estates.
The point being, don't pass that kind of judgement on Jen's H w/o know what exactly "helping move" involves.
wdiftya
PS Enjoy the holiday and remember what we celebrate.
JJ, another reason why you should go on this trip is that 4's have a push-pull style of relating. They want what they don't have and as soon as they get it, they don't want it any more. Well, that's a bit of an overstatement... but for instance, I decided to spend the night out at my house tonight... I just need some space. But sitting here at my computer, I'm already missing my bf. If I were there at his house, I'd be wishing I was out here alone.
Is this the longest you've ever been away, leaving HIM at home? I know he traveled before, but have you left him on his own?
Quote: Is this the longest you've ever been away, leaving HIM at home? I know he traveled before, but have you left him on his own?
I've gone on vacation with my extended family without him before on occasions when he couldn't get off work but I always took the kids with me. It's hard for me to understand but I know that leaving him to feed himself for a week is the equivalent of leaving a HDH to meet his own sexual needs for a week. His father and my son are "cupboard love" types too. My FIL drives his baker wife crazy because his "cupboard love" takes the form of "Here is a list of 200 dietary restrictions I am following because I want to live forever. Your job is to figure out how to cook me something delicious every night within these guidelines.".
I think the main reason he doesn't want me to go on the trip is that he is jealous of my relationship with my sisters. This is hard for me to understand because from my POV they are very different types of relationships, but maybe from an LD POV it would make sense to be jealous of sibling or other platonic relationships because the sex component of a marital relationship seems less important. I guess I better not tell him if I cook anything tasty for my sisters while in AK.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: I think the main reason he doesn't want me to go on the trip is that he is jealous of my relationship with my sisters.
What do you think H will be doing with himself while you are gone? Do you think he will do any socializing? Go out with friends? Or just watch TV by himself and sulk? I think you're on the mark with the jealousy comment. He doesn't seem to have a lot of relationships outside the M. Although he seems like a loner, he really seems to be afraid of being alone. Seemingly .
Personally, I can relate to the discomfort he will experience having to deal with the kids and domestic life by himself. I'm so used to my SAHM W handling most of the nitty gritty, it would take me a little time to get up to speed. Your kids are older, though, and he seems to need as much domestic care as the average teenager.
Stock up on frozen food, give him a map of the local Kroger, and he might survive.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Quote: I think the main reason he doesn't want me to go on the trip is that he is jealous of my relationship with my sisters. This is hard for me to understand because from my POV they are very different types of relationships, but maybe from an LD POV it would make sense to be jealous of sibling or other platonic relationships because the sex component of a marital relationship seems less important.
Remember that the curse of the 4 is envy. Fours tend to think that other people have some secret to happiness that is unavailable to them (I tend to think this way).
Your repeatedly saying "this is hard for me to understand" is the kind of thing that makes us 4's label 7's as superficial. To me (and we 4's REEK with empathy) it would be quite easy to see where he would be jealous of the close relationship you have with your sisters-- and it is in NO way related to sex. I'm a childless only child and he11, I'M jealous.
The tone of your posts is so often, "He behaves/believes in this totally incomprehensible way. It just doesn't make any sense." This is VERY much the position my bf takes with me. When he's hurting or something bugs him, I make an effort to understand (usually a successful effort), but when the shoe is on the other foot, he just slaps a label on me-- "hormones," "tired," "bad mood"-- that is, IF he bothers to notice my state at all, and moves on.
I'm disappointed at your H's behavior. I hope you got some deliciously hunky 18 year old college students to help your mom move. And he was jealous of lumberjacks!
He needs to realize that if he takes one step back then you'll take two steps forward.
Paul, who would love to go to AK in the summer once!
If I am catching JJ's drift, her H wanted to throw a barb at JJ in retaliation for her disobedience. It's a very slippery slope. He's mad a her, so he starts lashing out at people who may not deserve it.
I see your point: I don't really like to help people move, either. But he's using this to try to control his wife. It's not like she is always leaving town, like my W does (not that I'm resentful ).
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