I agree w/Gabriel. Adopt a positive attitude and know that Andy can't walk all over you.
Aren't they just coming over to pick up the sofa? Give them the attitude as if they are delivery guys, or garbage collectors , and they will pass out of your day soon.
If they are coming round for a visit, just keep it short and business like as Lou suggests.
Jo, Out of all these people, your XH, OW1 & OW2, his relatives and his friends who will achieve great things, maybe even fame?? You are the one who has the talent, dedication and the smarts to make it big!!!!!
Jo don't let anything that Andy has done or may do stop you. If you concentrate on writing books, getting them published and promoting them, you will have the money needed to get more visitation of your children.
When you have written a best seller, the courts will see that you are the parent who has things going for you. You will be someone that people look up to, not a crazy person like Andy throwing fits and trying to drive over people.
Jo, I hope I don't offend you, but it is obvious to me that you deserve much better than him. I know we are on a DBing site, but please focus on your talents and don't let anything he does bother you. Leave him in the dust! Imagine what you could do if you get to a point where nothing Andy does interfears with your life?
OMG. I couldn't keep it short. Half my family came round. They were here 2 hours.
I was sat on the new sofa when DD3 walked in and said 'hello mummy!' - I was so shocked as I've not seen her for ages. Then DD2 came in as well, and DD1 hovered around outside as if she wasn't sure whether she should.
BIL comes to the door and says 'Wow, I love your top' I was internally thinking omg, here we go.
To give you a little background info on BIL, he is also my X to as well as Andy. We met in school in 1987 and I've actually known him a month longer than Andy. I was there for him when their parents divorced. He was the first person I told when I got my first period. We were friends for ages and then dated between the ages of 13 and 16, after which we went to college and he got new friends and we kind of outgrew each other. I will add that I used to go round their house every week and have tea with him and Andy, and Andy used to tease me rotten.
Anyway, 5 months later BIL decides he loves me after all and asks me to date him again, except that by that stage, I met Andy again as he was employed as my cab driver at the time (small world, huh?). Well anyway, I was already falling for Andy so I told BIL no, sorry, it's too late. BIL got angry and accused Andy of 'stealing' me from him.
Eventually they made up and BIL was Best Man at our wedding. When DD1 was born, he said to me just think, she could have been my daughter.
He never got another girlfriend because he lacks confidence and he has a large number of scars so he doesn't like to initiate, which meant that actually he was a virgin until the age of 26.
He was a friend to both of us all through the marriage but after separation, he made it clear to me that he still wanted me back. The guy has been infatuated with me his whole life.
I said no. 1 year of DB'ing later and after Andy leaves me again and the loss of mine and Andy's baby, I phoned up BIL in tears. He came over for the weekend, we both got totally pissed (drunk) and, well, er, I took the guy's virginity. My husband's brother.
I was awful to him afterwards and told him to go - he was one of my one night stands, whereas he wanted me permanently.
We got into an argument, I said some really mean things to him and we haven't spoken in the 20 months since.
BTW, Andy knows everything. I told him when it happened, but you can see why he thinks he can sleep with anything. He said he forgave me but I'm not so sure. I was in a state at the time, I was going through a court battle, lost DD3 and my baby, etc and BIL was a comfort and a distraction. Not really a good enough excuse.
Anyway, I think he still cares for me, and the last time I saw him we were in bed together so you can imagine how I felt when Andy told me he's bringing him round here.
So anyway, BIL said my clothes look good and I said something about the weather being nice and went and sat on my recliner chair in the garden.
BIL asked if he could check out my house because he's not seen it since I painted it. This reminded me of Andy and I was a bit freaked out so I told him he could go and look if he wanted but I stayed in the garden.
Andy was dismantelling that wooden frame of my old sofa and swearing about being bitten by ants.
I played with all 4 of my kids for a while and tried to them both. I got the kids drinks etc and they made me play food with dough.
Then Andy started complaining about my rose bush again so I cut a branch off that had 2 roses joined together on it, and I gave it to DD1. She, much to my embarrassment, gave it to her father and then grinned at both of us. He made this tactless joke about how the thorns on the roses would cut him and make him bleed, so I cut another single rose off and gave it to BIL and Andy pipes up 'What does he get one for?' I thought, hah, here's my chance to have a dig at him about his bleeding remark, so I said 'It's because he's my X' Andy cringed. Then he made a really weird remark 'These two roses are joined together; that's symbolic, isn't it?' I smiled at him by mistake and said yes, one of them is you, the other one is me. Then I told DD1 to take care of them because they represent her parents. BIL looked at his rose and said 'And I'm single as usual.' - OUCH.
Andy made some other NOT funny jokes I don't want to repeat, to which I started to feel down, and then he said 'Smile you know, you can smile.' I looked at him briefly and smiled and then he did his huge cheshire cat style grin at me, definitely put on.
DD1 stole my lounger so I ended up sitting on the ground next to BIL and Andy. UGH.
We started talking about relatives and I said I wanted to put flowers down at Andy's grandmas grave, as she was really nice. Then we got talking about this friend of mine we used to have in Colchester and BIL jumped in and said 'I'll take you to see her if you like.' OMG. I ignored the remark and told him about the nice pubs in the area.
Andy was frowning. Not surprised with his bro trying to chat me up. Still, he's not exactly Mr Faithful with OW2.
DD2 came up and kissed me spontaneously, which was nice. Then they had to go so Andy waved at me and BIL said he'd come round another time (help!).
Me and DD4 then stood in the road and waved everyone off.
That was SO difficult. I'm really stressed out now.
I don't take offense, but I don't have any intention of fighting him over the visitation. I am exhausted by the whole children sitch and I just don't have anything left to give, to him or them at the moment.
All I'm doing is trying to be light hearted so we don't tear each other's eyes out and trying to cope with the pain of OW2.
If I couldn't write it down on here, I don't know how I would cope.
Does your book include a chapter on BIL? If so, it will be a best-seller or made for TV movie, for sure.
Don't be tough on yourself about hooking up with BIL. Its water under the bridge, so to speak, and Andy has done so much more, that there is no comparison. He'd better not get judgmental.
Still, what an incredible way to scoot him from his comfort zone! You had laughing so hard about the roses. Isn't just like a child to try to peace- or match-make? What a dear daughter she is! BIL's comment about being a solo rose had me ROFL!
Quote: 'These two roses are joined together; that's symbolic, isn't it?'
You are very right about Andy not being done. There are definitely feelings there for you. He's just so amazingly clumsy with them/you.
You were positive and light before, and he brought the girls over. I think that might be a useful focus point.
You deserve a stiff drink after that challenge! Overall, nicely done keeping it light, Jo!
No, I haven't put that info in the book. BIL is in there in a small way, but our previous R wasn't mentioned and certainly not my one nighter with him. I was worried the readers would think I was callous.
I did put about my first one nighter, which was with a 46 year old from a chemical company, but not the others and not BIL.
It will still make a best seller, as there's loads of stuff in it similar to what I've just told you from a drama point of view. I also don't think BIL would like it if I mentioned it.
But you're right, it is complicated!
That comment X made was really weird for the sitch. The other thing is that I don't think X has told his family about OW2 because BIL didn't mention her at all and BIL is the most tactless person alive so if he knew about her, he would have mentioned it.
I find it strange that he hasn't told his family about this woman.
And just bringing the kids round and his bro and then frowning and seeming like he's in competition with bro - the man is up to something and I don't know what.
Next time I will see them is Saturday. Let's see what happens then.
She does exist as EX-OW has mentioned her before, and DD4 has mentioned an 'Olivia' which is apparently a little girl the same age as DD4, which I presume is OW's DD.
I am not convinced that they are more than good friend's though, and he is still going to all these events and stuff on his own. He maybe slept with her once or twice. But my impression is it's not serious as no one else knows and he's still acting like a single person.
I know he has been friends with her a while and probably just chose to refer to her as OW because I stopped him taking DD4 on holiday and he wanted to upset me. It worked.
However, I am not letting it upset me now because it won't last.
I know he still has feelings, that's why he makes so many tactless jokes and stuff.
He wouldn't try so hard to bug me if he didn't care.
Re BIL, I genuinely care about the man, we have known each other 18 years now, including the 20 odd months we didn't speak. If I were to get him involved in this, it would be to wind X up and I'm not doing that. I respect the man too much to hurt him again. I didn't mean to hurt him the first time. I was just upset, traumatised and hadn't had sex for a couple of months and he was there, being all understanding etc so one thing just led to another.
It was actually really good at the time but afterwards he expected an R and it was never like that. I love X and all I wanted was X, really, and that made us argue and he felt used.
If he were to come round for tea it would have to be genuine.
I am going to state to him though, that if he intends to keep in contact with me, it has to be as friend's only.
, and they will pass out of your day soon. 
