Impressive. Most impressive. But you are not a jedi yet.
I am impressed. You're doing great with this. It's amazing how much she's softened and how you've become her source of comfort. Being the Marsian that I am, I still wonder in some of these circumstances whether our Venusians really do want something fixed rather than just support. Oh well. Sounds like you handled it right. Glad you had a nice B-day.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
What if you had a flat tire and couldn't muster the strength to get the lug nuts off? Should we just provide understanding? (Big hug to Martha. So sorry you can't get the lug nuts off. I hope everything turns out all right for you.)
But okay. I'll assume unless she wants the lid off a jar of pickles that all she wants is support when she is complaining.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: YES! We only want support! It is more important to us to be understood than "fixed"!
LISTEN to this guys. I know it goes against every fiber in our body, but the wise lady is telling is something, so LISTEN and act accordingly.
Gabe, you are doing an tremendous job, far better than I could get myself to do. Your patience is telling and I suspect being noticed. I do not know if I could do all you have done. X has gotten so far into this self-sustaining mode (always has), I doubt she would ask for help. Once said, she had to stop depending on me. Ironic.
Sounds like you are being a rock for your W. And she is accepting your support. I know it has been a rough week for all of you (you, S and W). I hope things get better and return to "normal".
BTW, at the risk of putting a damper on things, I just want to stick in a little reminder that when your W starts feeling better, please keep expectations low. I have had my PMA damaged so many times by my elevated expectations after good interactions. If your W is like mine (and there are so many similarities) she will come back to the "normal" phase with her guard up. I hope this doesnt happen for you and you move on to a higher-level R with your W.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Thanks for the caution. I actually appreciate it, and I'll be keeping my expectations low.
Worked hard today. Felt my PMA boosted by the BDay wishes by folks who seemed to go out of their way to let me know they cared. Made me wonder if others in this 'real world' have seen the changes in me.
W has packed up for Hawaii, and S5 and I won't see her for 16 days. It'll be rough on him and her (and me). I went over to pick up more clothes for S5, and W asked me to bath him and do his bedtime routine again. It was a bit comical of a visit, as both she and I have laryngitis (sp?) from a cold she gave me and from lecturing, so we sound hilarious in convo. I had a small train of 5-6 attractive young coeds individually come up for studying advice today after my classes (this never happens), so maybe my raspy, 'heavy smoker/auctioner' voice was sexy. W's sure was. S5 seemed out of sorts due to his mommy leaving for "an island" and he pulled out a bunch of pics about the house and his family "when we were together." I really have a hard time holding it together when he does this, but I did so - talking to him about our happier times. I reassured him that he and Mommy would be coming back to the house, and that we were all just leaving to have some fun.
W got on the phone w/ someone, so I left quietly after S5 fell asleep after prayers and a backrub. I ran an errand, then called her on the phone. We wished each other safe travels, and W admitted that she was a bit scared, noting "I've never done anything like this before." She said she appreciated me calling, and told me out of the blue that "I don't want to be around people or meet anyone. I just want to hike, and enjoy nature, and peace and quiet, and see things." Is this a reassurance, and if so, why does this theme keep coming up? (I'm not asking her).
Interestingly, W offered to leave the house open for me and S5, noting that we could hang out and do laundry there, as long as I "don't snoop." I told her that we didn't need access to the house. I don't want any flavor of suspicion dampening the progress I sense (nor do I want to wrestle with that temptation). Most of all, I want to communicate yet again the message: "I don't need you. I merely love and want you." But that is for later.
My H does the same as your W and it serves 2 purposes:
1. She's hinting that she still finds you attractive and in an indirect way she is investing in your R.
2. She is trying to control you because if she's single and not looking for another partner, she will hope you will follow suit and take example by her behaviour.
If you know there are no other men, you hold onto hope and don't get any other women, don't move on with your life etc.
It is a way of keeping you near to her and ensuring you don't fall in love with somebody else, esp. the offer to hang out in her house.
She wants to own you without the commitment. I think you did well to say no.
I absolutely agree with Jo's perspective on your interactions with W. My W does the same thing. Sort of keeping me in an orbit (actually in many orbits of randomly varying closeness, never quite committing and never quite quitting. Your W is very confused on the inside and hence her wish to get away from it all for a couple of weeks. Not to worry, it doesnt mean anything. It is a process that she has to go through and it will give her plenty of time to think about her life and what is missing in it etc. My W did this in the earlier part of this 2-year process in which I am. It did not really help in any tangible way, just gave her a welcome break from the mess. Actually, looking back, my going away from her for a couple of weeks helped to get her closer a little bit and I am beginning to think I should try that myself soon. I would actually recommend it to you. Having a youngs child and coparenting it seems like you are thrown around so close to W that she has to get away from home to experience some calm. Another way to change the dynamic is to leave her with S5 at home for a while so she can experience the emptiness in her familiar surroundings when you remove yourself.
In any case, Gabriel, I would not expect or fear major changes in your W upon return. Maybe small changes. I need not remind you that this is a process that may take months( for a self-sufficient woman like your W). Having a good bonding time with your S.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Gabriel- Spend the time that W is away keeping yourself busy. I think you will find that yes you will miss her but at the same time you will enjoy the break. That is how it was with me when H went out of town.
Your W will have lots of time to think and get herself together so to speak. I agree with UD that there probably won't be any major changes right off the bat of her return but it may make a difference if even slight.
Oh well. Sounds like you handled it right. Glad you had a nice B-day. 
It is more important to us to be understood than "fixed"! 
W's sure was. 
S5 seemed out of sorts due to his mommy leaving for "an island" and he pulled out a bunch of pics about the house and his family "when we were together." I really have a hard time holding it together when he does this, but I did so - talking to him about our happier times. I reassured him that he and Mommy would be coming back to the house, and that we were all just leaving to have some fun.