My mom does tend to get to me at times. Probably since her usual is to lay a guilt trip on me next. But I've seen this routine enough from her, she will get dad to call me in the next few days and he will dump the problem on me. I am preparing my PMA for that.
I have scheduled another in-person interview for next Monday. It's going to be a long one, and they will even cover benefits, so sounds quite promising. The only problem is that it is still in this state, and I had made up my mind to move much closer to ex.
So, I don't know where I am going w/my dbing right now. I am getting anxious to hear if ex will make a trip to see s8 or not. But that feels like I am testing him. I am ready to sit down w/him face to face and have some of these problems hashed out. But, I don't know. My feelings for him are confusing and I just don't know where he stands at this point. I don't want to be kept dangling if there is nothing to wait for. But I do know that if I bring it up, he will probably just confuse me more.
But it is against the rules to talk about the R! I am just trying to figure out what is best for me and my boys, is it here or in Mich? T
The most important thing is what is best for you and your sons. I guess I haven't gotten the impression that your ex has given any big hints that he is interested in working things out. Maybe it's anecdotal, but guys that are interested at least make some effort to establish contact, even if it's just calling to talk to the kids and keeping you on the line for part of the time.
So about Michigan. I think you should choose that if it's best for you and for your kids. Somewhere much lower on the list would be solely to be closer to ex. Think of it this way....if despite moving closer to him nothing ever develops would you regret the decision and say to yourself "I should have went somewhere else". If you still say..."I want to be in MI even if my R with ex is truly over." then I think you might be closer to answering your question.
From my standpoint, I've already indicated, and I stick by it, that I will not leave this job and my kids behind for the sake of my ex. Would I ever move for her? Possibly if we were back together. Anything less is just sacrificing my wants and needs solely for a potential R with her. I would think less of myself and she would think less of me also.
Oh, about the R talk. Who says you can't? You have a difficult life decision and it involves your ex's son. Ask his opinion. Guys like thinking you respect their judgement. Tell him of the jobs you are considering and ask if he has input in the location. Go around the issue of asking him whether you guys even have a chance. Let him tell you indirectly if he'd prefer you were closer.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I agree with Wes. What is best for you and your kids at this time? - For you to get a job which will raise your PMA and also put some movement in your sitch. Since your X decided to move out and is confused about why he divorced in the first place and all that, unless you can swing asatisfactory job that is close to him, would it not be yoru best option to find one that keeps you comfortable? Just questioning to see why you are having difficulty making the decision about the job. Is it because you dont want X to perceive it as being MOTS behavior? I recall your mentioning a while back that your X felt that you WA first?
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Let's take ex totally out of MY life------ Mich offers the s17 a chance to see his friends more. Gives s8 more opportunity to see dad. And the job market should pay better for my experience.
I may be getting nervous over the job as it could cause MOTS behavior in ex. (I know I don't know this but it still bothers me) The last 3 years, I have bounced from job to job because of him. If I was too focused on my career, he wanted me to quit and be home w/him and the k's. As soon as I did that, he complained that I wasn't working. So that is part of the reason for wondering where he stands on an R. I don't want to accept a position just to hear from him later that if we were closer, we could have worked things out. Sorry to ramble and overanalyze, this is just a fear of mine that I am trying to work through right now.
The last time we had an R talk, he made this comment: I’m not going to say that we couldn’t get back together or that we could, stranger things have happened. But now I wonder if he just said that to pacify me into ending the convo. I haven't brought it up since.
Oh, poo, I'm still being sucked up into his drama. Email from his ex! more later! T
Quote: I don't want to accept a position just to hear from him later that if we were closer, we could have worked things out.
And if he said that would it really be the truth? IMHO you shouldn't worry about this happening. You are turning all the control of your life over to him. And then if he said "quit your job and we can be together" would you do that also? I think there are reasons outside him (you listed them) that you would take a job in MI. Just don't think in terms of what he might or might not do...you'll just drive yourself nuts.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Part of the issue of moving back to Mich is also my homesickness. Will that pass? I may just need to go over there for a visit and get that out of my system.
His ex emailed me this morning. Friendly and doesn't seem to know that he and I discussed her sitch. She seems to be pulling me more onto her side, says the info (?) I gave her about him will keep her fighting for her son to stay w/her.
I will relay this to ex and ask him at that time (indirectly) where we stand. The book I am reading states that a reconciliation won't happen if the other party doesn't know you are willing and attempting to work things out. I want to open up the convo w/that. Does he know that I have been working on being friends w/him? I won't know until I ask. And if he shoots down that possibility, I will have a better understanding of where he is at at this time in his life.
I would love to have that convo in person tho. The last time I asked him directly about his feelings for me, (d-day) he could not look me in the eye. And it is kind of hard to see someone's eyes over the phone.
I know I am just floundering on the job issue. I don't think that is really the issue I need to address. This job sounds promising and I would be closer to my dd24. So I am going for it w/all I've got next week!
I think my problem at the moment is spiritual. I am being tested on it lately and I won't get into the details here since I don't want to offend anyone.
