Just a couple of thoughts tonight, I really need to get to bed since both boys r asleep!
First; we worked on the F/D card today and I am so proud of it. S did a wonderful job and I am hoping it will tug on ex's heart just a little. We made stickers out of some old pics of s w/dad and put those in the card! (hope that isn't going overboard tho!) It was really sweet and s even took it in to mail it w/me. He can barely see over the counter at the po!
Well, the other is this. I just went out and got my mail - it was raining cats & dogs earlier - and I have a letter from my div atty. All it says is to make an appt as soon as I receive the letter! The div was final in Feb. 05 and even states in the agreement that at that point both atty's have no interest in the case. I am trying hard to figure out what this could be about and want to prepare for the worst. It isn't going to be that easy to make an appt 500 miles away.
I just don't know what to make of it. I guess even a year after the custody battle and getting full rights; ex still scares me on what he might do legally.
Still working on the resume rewrite. I am mostly pleased w/the current draft but a couple of the job ads that I want to apply to will require more 'dazzle' on it, I think.
Hopefully I can sleep well w/all this on my mind! T
Nicely done plugging along with the job search/resume writing "after hours." I know how it is to be tired and exhausted after one finally has the kids down. For you to do this extra work shows great strength and resilience, as well as self-love. All the things that probably drew H to you in the first place.
And yes that has always drawn H closer to me. Right now that is why I am a bit of a dark-gray w/ex. I want as high of a PMA as possible the next time we actually talk or see each other.
He is throwing one of his temper tantrums. I called the atty office today in regards to the letter and they just wanted me to handle the IRA transfer. But the secty says ex is going around telling every1 that there is no way to get a hold of me. And that he doesn't know where we are, my address or phone number! I reassured her that he does know this and that I am keeping record of all contacts and that I even requested him to make a visitation this month. She said just to keep doing this and inform the court of my current addy (w/copy to ex) even tho I am not legally required to. Ex is acting out like such a control freak lately. I'm wondering if I really might have to get the law involved to get s17's truck and my stuff back.
I will send ex another friendly update today on s8 and then put all of his problems out of my mind and continue the job hunting! I am eyeing a couple of 50k jobs but that one at 70k sure looks sweet! I know I could handle the job too!
I'll keep you posted. (and try not to let my ego get too big) T
You are doing an incredible job staying positive and strong despite all the nonsense in your life right now. In regard to: "I will send ex another friendly update today on s8 and then put all of his problems out of my mind and continue the job hunting!"- excellent attitude. You cannot control him. Do not go down cheeseless tunnels that will drain you of energy. "I am eyeing a couple of 50k jobs but that one at 70k sure looks sweet! I know I could handle the job too!" - There will be nothing like standing up on your own feet that will push your PMA higher.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
2 followups yesterday from recruiters. One was a phone call that I missed and will try to return his call again this am. the other was just an email asking for a professional copy of the resume. WhooHoo! This can only get better from here.
I sent the email update to ex and kept it very positive. I didn't mention anything about his email and phone call this weekend as that could encourage the argumentative side ex was taking. I'm hoping that by ignoring the negatives, I can only work towards more positive interactions. No pursuing and even kept a request from s17 light. ('s' would like to know if you have sent out his deck of magic cards yet or if you could do that soon.) Previously I had asked ex to bring them up w/him when he visited but that was a month ago. I ended the email w/'that's our life in a nutshell. tc, T'
I didn't get a reply on the email, but I really didn't expect one! He did send s8 a bday ecard today. hmm? Actually the 16th is correct, but it's next month! W/s's disability, I don't want to show him the card yet, he will be wound up for days thinking it's time for presents! I want to tell ex that we appreciate the card but I know I can't say anything negative about missing the month. I will let him figure that out on his own. He never could keep bdays straight.
Off to make the most of my day, maybe I can come back here later and say I have an interview! Have a great day every1! T
I guess ex can't keep his days straight. He has called twice today and left messages to say happy bday to s. We were out or I might have answered.
I am feeling like such an idiot over this since I had asked for his suggestions on bday presents, he must have thought it was coming sooner. Now if I tell him it's not until next month, I might make him feel like an idiot.
My internet was out today for 3 hours, that's why we decided to go play outside. Now that it's back on, back to the job hunting. I talked briefly to one recruiter, it's a position in Sheboygan for a baby wipe manufacturer! hmm - that's sounds interesting! T
Ex didn't give up all day yesterday and I missed every one of his calls and emails.
I can use any1's opinion here. Do I NOT say anything about yesterday as it will point out his mistake? Or do I send the following draft of an email:
... Hi there.
Just sending a quick note to thank you and 'd24' for the bday cards, I couldn't really let 's8' see them yet as his birthday is next month and I didn't want him to get too excited for presents. I still haven't bought anything for him, I've looked at a few things online that will need to be ordered soon if I go w/them. Wondering if you have come up w/some ideas, the email you had sent was kind of confusing.
I really appreciate all the thought you put into yesterday.
T.....
Now I also thought about saying 'If you want to talk by phone, can you let me know when you will be calling so we can plan to be here?'
Is any of this too negative or pushy? I have always hated pointing out his mistakes; he only gets defensive.
T
I think H will feel worse if he figures out he got it wrong and you didn't say something. However, you don't have to point it out as a mistake. I would simply email and say that you wanted to let him know you rec'd the e-card and think it is great and you will be sure to give it to son on his b-day. Then maybe mention something about wanting to have a little party- cake and ice cream or something- mention the day you'd like to do that and see if he wants to attend. Vague enough, not pointing out he made an error, but also giving him the correct info. Just my idea.
I am amazed at some of us here on the bb. We just let our WASs get away with anything (Sorry, I am just a little pissy today). Not remembering your own children's birthdays is inexcusable. What would be your objective in sparing your H the "hurt" of knowing he messed up on it? I would not of course berate him on it. That would be pressure or control. But you can let him know that you are glad he sent the card and that you will open it for S on his birthday. Just leave it at that. Let him figure out whether he messed up or not. I don't know if DBing really implies that you excuse absolutely every single thing that your spouse does. It does mean to control your reactions I think but to let your WAS know calmly what the facts are.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
