The past few times when she was taking baby steps and things were going well, I got impatient, assumed she wanted back in an R and reacted to it. This time I am not jumping. Not unless I hear something really specific from her. I am not going to make much of the AOSs or gifts etc. No way. Been there, done that.
When she has been coming over and lying on the bed with D3 etc. I am playing with D3 as well or sometimes I lie down away from W (sufficient space between us for a small automobile to pass through) and act cool. (Don't worry Wes, "restraint" is my middle name, I am your antithesis in that regard). I am staying detached but with a mild whiff of availability. Another year of forced celibacy and this detachment thing and I should qualify for Buddhist monkhood without any tests or entry-level tribulations (I may just go on and order the robes in advance, what the heck, I might look good in robes ).
Note that this gradual closure of space and the baby-steps have become consistent since Nagasaki (May 22, when she last said she wants a D). Go figure....
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
UDsname, Do you want D3sname and me to drop you off tomorrow morning and pick you up Tuesday evening? Maybe Tuesday evening Mom could come and we could all go out to dinner that night -- I'm sure Mom would like to see you. WAWsname
WTF?? I have driven myself to the aiport several times myself before in the past couple of years. The airport is about 1/2 hr drive away in a neighboring town. And it is a business trip so I could always charge the parking fees. Anyway, of course I accepted the offers (Ah, Wes, I see you approve, I aim to please).....AOSs and gifts all in a bunch (reminds me of Nov-Dec 2004, i.e. before the holidays when a sustained reconnect happened and then, following an impatient temperature check from me..kaboom)...Hmmmm this time I am going to sit tight until I hear loud crashes and other signs of the polar ice caps melting....BTW, she followed up the email with a call (just as the email alrm was sounding) to "make sure" I got the email (you can never trust these electrons you know, seeing as they dont know whether they are waves or particles and all that, i.e. the electrons have as much of an identity crisis as the WAWs:)). And the reasoning for the ride was "D3 would like to see me and her mom would like to see me (Oh, I am sure MIL cant wait one more day to see me- well, MIL and I have always gotten along well, but I am sure she will survive the delay by one day )?" These WASs are a confounding species, arent they? Well, I am chalking it up as one more baby step.....But I ain't pursuing (Sorry Wes, I am not worthy, I am not worthy).
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Got back from a trip today. WAW dropped me at the airport and picked me up. On return MIL had arrived a couple days back and we all (D3, WAW, MIL and me) went to dinner afterwards. WAW said during dinner "I am sure glad you are back" because D3 was a handful. Hmm....But it was said as one "friend" would say to another. Go figure...I will take what I can get though.
Well, and then this morning a mini-bomb was dropped on me and I had to do my best DBing....So, apparently my MIL wants to move up here to live and has already been meeting with realtors. , blaaah, ran out of emoticons....
Yeah, you read that right. That was my reaction exactly. You might have just connected me to a lightning rod directly. Talk about a curve ball. I was not wearing a crotch guard and it just went straight for my you-know-what, zzingg, thwack. (Sorry ladies, I am sure the guys can identify more clearly on what I mean by excruciating pain when I describe it that way).
So, how did I react on the telephone when my WAW disclosed this minor tidbit to me on the telephone, you ask? Well, I just said "That's great, this will be excellent for MIL (who IS lonely where she lives by herself) and for D3. Is she planning on renting or buying?" Now, how is that for detachment, huh? A+? Thanks, you do know I am a 2-year survivor of this MLC-WAW disease dont you?
Actually, I actually get along with MIL. I am able to sort of take a lot of things about her in stride. I dont have a real problem with her moving here. It will be change, but that is not what prompted the rapidly-rotating-baseball-to-painful-parts analogy. More because they (WAW and MIL) have apparently been discussing this for a while now (weeks/months) and I was only casually intimated regarding this today????
Well, just when I though my WAW was doing the baby-step thing, this was popped on me. There were also several "I/me/mine" statements from WAW on the phone which were distressing. Well, it all left me scratching my head in total bewilderment all day. I dont know where we are going here folks. I dont know crapola from shinola these days, huh??
I need a PMA fix.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Hmmmm... can't really help you with a MIL move interpretation. I have the MIL from h@ll, so I'm a bit overreactive on the topic.
Sounds like you handled it beautifully, pointing out the potential benefits to MIL and D3.
In terms of Ws pulling back to the 'me' focus, I'd imagine that there'd be a little threat in one's mother moving near after being away, no matter how many positives there are as well. I also guess that it makes the sitch a bit more complex, but perhaps a bit more stable, too?
Hang in there, UD. Going for a monster workout myself to give myself a boost.
I seem to be posting infrequently on my own thread. In truth, my sitch is completely weirded out right now. It's like I am having curve balls thrown at me so fast and furious that I am just jumping around dodging them as best I can.
The latest is that in the space of two days I was informed that MIL was "thinking" of moving here and then Kaboom- MIL has found a condo and has signed off on it. Now, if I am sure of anything it is that MIL is not a fast thinker. So, clearly this savory meal has been cooking on the burners for some time and was just served to me in the last couple days. Imagine my mental state now as being the same as that of the walnut-size-brained-stegosaurus that was just going about grazing on juicy green grass, somewhere in the Yucatan peninsula. He just happens to lift his eyes to survey the heavens in satisfaction with his meal when lo and behold a huge ball of fire is heading his way at a high rate of speed. Well, that's me at the moment. My question is the same as the one that momentarily flickered in that walnut-brain before it was vaporized: "Is this an extinction-scale event?"
So that is where I am at, folks. Mulling this meteor-strike and its aftermath. I am waiting for the smoke to clear.
On a positive note Monday is D3's 3rd birthday. May she live a long and happy life.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Please wish D3 a HA PPY BIRTHDAY! !! from S5 and I.
I'm still confused (maybe reflecting your confusion) about your take on MIL's role. What is fearful about her presence? Is it that you're expecting a battle over D3, or that this signals 'needed support' for an upcoming D?
Stay focused on the R, UD, rather than the M. The MIL's role might actually be a positive in that she could be a great person to help you both by watching D3 while you spend time out, hopefully together in the long run.
How has MIL been in the past regarding your M to her daughter? Supportive, antagonistic, interfering but well-meaning.
Things sound really good for you. Lots of baby steps. I think that the MIL thing will be good. I really do. My reasoning is that a) she will initially provide some support for you W and possibly some babysitting services, but might eventually become an annoyance to your W. B) She might be helpful in terms of getting together with your W (especially if she likes you) and C) she may raise some positives about you that won't be seen as you directly pursuing. In my sitch, my ex-ILs have invited me to things with their daughter. Sometimes they almost seem to thrust us together to see what shakes down. And I know that they feel she made a mistake and possibly express some of their feelings about the D.
While my ex-ILs are in town for the summer and they do see my X some, I don't feel that she is getting the kind of support from them that she needs. They don't hang out nearly as much as I expected that they would. I hope this turns out to be a plus.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Haven't seen you post very much lately. I'll be taking a break soon as well (OM in my sitch now). If you want, would you email me at gabriel_j_y@yahoo.com?
).
)?" These WASs are a confounding species, arent they? Well, I am chalking it up as one more baby step.....But I ain't pursuing (Sorry Wes, I am not worthy, I am not worthy).
, blaaah, ran out of emoticons....