Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Please help this cheater

I can't offer any advice on whether or not I think you should tell your wife, I can only tell you that I also betrayed my marriage vows and I never considered not telling my H. I didn't commit adultery in the strictest terms, I kissed another man that I saw on probably 5 occasions for about an hour or so each time. There was no attachment. But b/c of my absences my H asked and I told him everything. I had also been emailing a guy that I met online. For me, it was quite obvious there was a lot going on within myself b/c, like you, I have always been loyal and consider this TOTALLY uncharacteristic of me.
The consequences you set in motion once you tell are something you cannot begin to predict. For most, what I did is a forgiveable offense, but to this day, 10 months later, I still do not have forgiveness and don't know if I ever will.
I told my H on a long car ride home from MI, which is a 15 hour drive. Bad timing, but he asked and I didn't consider not telling an option. So I told. EVERYTHING. If you tell, you have to be prepared to tell everything. Chances are, you will be asked VERY difficult questions, details that you don't even want to remember much less disclose to the person you love most in the world. We drove straight through back to VA that night....that was a very long drive in more ways than one. When we got home, we put our kids (2 and 4) in their beds and my H requested the password to my email account which I gave. I allowed him to read every email exchanged between myself and this guy. After he read everything (nothing explicit at all, shared general details about my M problems) my H proceeded to throw me out of my house. I cannot tell you what I went through that day b/c there simply aren't words to describe that sort of emotional trauma on top of physical exhaustion. He was vague about when I could see my kids again. I was terrified that I had lost everything. After seeking legal advice, I moved back into my home, much to H's disatisfaction. I was tormented those first few days, kept awake some nights with demands that I leave or sleep in my car. For the first four months my H slept with my 4 year old son b/c he would not sleep in our bed, nor was I allowed back in our room.
Ten months later, my H is back in what used to be "our" bed, and we are still together. We live most days pretty normal, doing family type things. We have sex. We talk on a pretty detached level. I sleep in a guest room. We used to take my car everywhere b/c I have an SUV and he has a truck, but he will not ride in my vehicle b/c this other man was in my car. I have a 5 year lease, which I cannot get out of for another 4 years. We take his truck everywhere as inconvenient as it may be. He will not kiss me, he says I gave that away. He will not wear his wedding ring.
My point in telling you this is that your spouse can become someone you don't know and if/when you choose to tell, you must be prepared for that.