..and if you don't learn from history, you are doomed to repeat it. How many times are you going to break your heart because you ship from one expereince to another like a water bug only to see what you want to see? It's your choice Poly Anna. It's not the will to win it's the will to prepare to win.
My opinion is that by allowing this sitch to damage my trust in people, it would just louse up any R I had with any other man.
If I cannot repair my existing R, even just to the point where we trust each other as parents, I would never be able to trust ANY man ever.
I don't see the point in re-marriage to another person because I made those promises once before and ended up D, so there's nothing to say it wouldn't happen again with that someone new. I have no desire whatsoever for a new R with anyone else and if this doesn't work, which the odds are stacked against me, then I am prepared to be single for the rest of my life and I decided that in April 04.
I would only risk my heart again because it's him and he is the father of my children.
While we are both still single, and since he has admitted he still loves me, I am not closing the door.
There will be just me anyway if nothing comes of it so I'm not losing anything.
And DON'T call me a Polly Anna, TAG, I won't be spoken to like that by anybody.
I don't have to adopt you because you can save all my posts and then print them off and sell them to the media for $1 million and say you know me, so then you can charge the journalists $50,000 a time for talking about me
Just kidding.
I'm going for a nap now as not going to bed till 4am is starting to catch up with me.
Quote: - I don't see the point in re-marriage to another person because I made those promises once before and ended up D, so there's nothing to say it wouldn't happen again with that someone new. - I have no desire whatsoever for a new R with anyone else and if this doesn't work, then I am prepared to be single for the rest of my life ... - I would only risk my heart again because it's him and he is the father of my children.
All eerily familiar thoughts. Several months ago, I would have thought singleness to be a doomed, awful fate. Since I kicked in with lots of GAL work and attitude changes, I see much hope for happiness regardless. Your book is just a small sign of the success and positive influence on this world that your one life can have.
Quote: While we are both still single, and since he has admitted he still loves me, I am not closing the door.
I would be doing cartwheels if W ever admitted that. His actions seem to speak this as well, in his own way.
By the way, Jo, don't believe that hogwash about odds being stacked against you in terms of a future R. H is not your only option - he is your choice. You are a beautiful, attractive, educated woman who is now yet again an AUTHOR. H sees this in you, hence his insecurity. I believe him in this regard, that you could have plenty of suitors if you so desired. Let me know if you ever need me to fly across the pond to beat them off with my 2 x 4!
You do boost my PMA Don't reckon you'll be needing to beat the men off me, but if you ever want a holiday in the UK, don't hesitate.
I am as loyal to my friends as I am to H so you will probably be stuck with me until your son graduates - LOL.
BTW, I've been thinking about the design of the back cover of my book and I wondered if I could put your comments on it, since you've read a bit of it.
Did it grip you enough?
Re the single life thing, I went through this phase of thinking I had to have another man to 'get over' H and be happy, hence all the one night stands and stuff that I had with men.
I was totally miserable and I HATED dating. It seemed so unnatural and it dawned on me that the guys I went with were only there because that's what other's expected me to do after a separation and it wasn't actually what I wanted.
I started to enjoy life in my own right and I realised that I didn't need to be someone's partner to be happy. I also realised that I had made life-long promises to Andy which still held true to me even if they didn't to him, so even if we didn't reunite, I would keep my promise - not in a martyr sort of way, but just get on with my life as a single person.
It was actually a relief knowing I didn't HAVE to date and I didn't have to worry about yet another horrible sexual encounter I didn't want, that my heart wasn't part of, or worry that I was being used for sex by those men.
My self-esteem is higher now I set my own rules and stay true to my vows.
I can now have male friends and even the odd bit of harmless banter because I have made the decision I will never be with any of them, so it's 'safe' to be chatty.
I am concentrating on my career and actually enjoying it, instead of worrying about being single and thinking I need to find 'the one'.
I already found the one. He's Andy, he always will be Andy even if we never reunite.
But I agree with you, Gabriel, he does act as if he does love me and since he actually SAID SO, I am going to patiently get on with my life until there comes a time when he feels safe enough to let me parent properly.
Underneath, I am still his wife. D does not cancel the relationship, as I found out.
I love your attitude. You have great inner strength and I am sure your will find success in your writing and publishing. You are an inspiration.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Well, today I was being interviewed by this woman from a university and it was being tape recorded so that was a bit nerve racking.
My friend Sam (female) came over and took part in the interview as well. I was talking for 2 hours, non-stop
I just love my work so much.
Also, one publisher asked me to phone them so I did and got his voicemail. I left a message. I have also recieved 2 more emails from the other publisher's, saying they are reading the manuscript and one of them asked me where I was from His name's Johan which I think is a German name.
Well, of course, after my interview this afternoon, and then getting these emails and phone calls, I am just hyper again, drinking coffee like it was alcohol, LOL.
I am going to college tomorrow and I know I will never sleep tonight
Somebody save me from this excitement, the adrenaline is starting to annoy me
Jo, this is excellent! You've worked so hard thru some very trying times. It's good to see you enjoying the limelight a bit.
The book developments combined with the law school pursuit paint a very large, noticeable GAL movement that I'd imagine H will notice. I'm curious to see how he responds.
I am really enjoying this. I think H would completely fruit if he knew I was going to do a law degree, so I'm not telling him yet. LOL!
Today I went to college and did more word processing, but only stuck at it for 2 and a half hours, as the weather is suddenly glorious, so I wanted to be out in the sun instead of sitting in front of a computer.
So I had a walk and went to pick up my photos - I ha no idea what they were. Turns out they were of my trip to the sea with DD4 last summer, DD1's 8th birthday in March 04 and DD4's 2nd birthday last summer.
There were also some pictures of us at the library, when I was doing a home ed session with them there.
I will update my family website soon.
I treated myself to 2 new DVD's, one of which is 'Flatliners' which is really SCARY and the other one is a romance set in WW2 (I can watch romances without getting upset!).
One of the publisher's contacted me again today to say he is putting a contract in the post to me!!!
He was really nice and treating me like I am the only person ever to write a book, lol. He tells me they can add photos to it if I want but I'm not sure about that.
I am still waiting to see what the other 2 publisher's are doing and to consider my options a little. I admit, though, this particular company are keen, and I'm VERY lucky to have such interest.
Tried to phone DD's but he didn't answer his phone. Never mind. They're back tomorrow.
Don't reckon you'll be needing to beat the men off me, but if you ever want a holiday in the UK, don't hesitate.