On another thread you wrote: --------------------------- W only likes short kisses, hours of foot and back rubs daily and sex 1X a month ---------------------------
Does your wife reciprocate the back and foot rubs?
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: Does your wife reciprocate the back and foot rubs?
Nop, I would say the give, get ratio is 80/20 and I only recognise half of her 20%. It is like BB goes for the free stuff I give out but when I indicate a trade would be nice, BB's interest drops.
In fact BB said she would sit with me if I would do her feet.
ME: "what do I get"
BB: never mind, just say you dont want to do it
me: It's not that I don't want to do it, it's more like I do your feet, you do the dog, and nothing comes back my way.
BB: I did your back 2 days ago.
me: Yes, it felt good for the 5 minuets you did it. I seem to remember that was the first time in two weeks you did something like that for me.
BB: well, you dont do me as often as I would like.
me: I have done your feet and back 3 times in the past 7 days, maybe mot as concentrated as you would like but I did them slowly for at least a half hour each time.
A little while later I continued the issue some more. BB attitude that showed through first might be summed up as [If it is too much trouble, I will hug my dogs more, you don't have to put yourself out for me] That is the message I heard.
I asked BB what she thought she did for me. Other than the defensive word "pleanty" she did not offer any examples except for the above mentioned 5 minuets. When I listed specifice (5 things) of what "I" think I do for her, she came back with "well if you don't like doing thing #2 for me, quit doing it. I told her I was not complaining about doing any of the 5 things, just making a list incase she did not think she was getting attention.
My list was intended to say to her "This is what I do for you to try to please you." BB heard the list as "I do these things I don't like, but I do them for you anyway, IE: my complaint list.
The general problem I have trying to work on the R with BB is, I say something with one intention and she hears a different message.
It's almost like the "Threes Company" sitcoms where the first girl is collecting baby clothes for a friend so the other 2 room mates assume the first girl is pregnant.
Right now I am trying to figure out how much of this miss communication is really poor word choice and poor signal sending and what to do about it, OR is this just another passive agressive (known or un known) trust thing?
I feel I do 80% of the R work and have to moderate her resentments and mine so the conversation does not get spiteful. I also feel I have to come up with 80% of the solutions and BB gets to play the yes but person.
I know what would work too. Retire now, get rid of the business inventory in 90 days. Buy a large motor home with a kennel trailer. Go to dog and cat shoes. Play dress-up babies/dolls with the cats and dogs. Sell the house and buy a condo or patio home where someone else does the outside work. Quit monitoring the fun purchases. Hugs, foot and back rubs 2 1/2 hour sessions a day. Lots of ILU and WOA, Eat out 1 or 2 meals a day. Almost no sex and certainally no sex if an ITU is possible. Watch the shopping channels/QVC, old sitcoms, westerns, and chick flicks. Did I leave anything important out? Any takers ladies just joking. I was going to write my list but won't. I think that is what match.com is for.
This R session was preceded with a bigger one on sunday AM, mostly the beginning part of BB's treadmill quest, her wanting one from the first or second place we stopped, to my insisting we comparrison shop. I told BB, I thought her paying $700 more for the cable and weight machine was total crap and I was not going to let that happen again just because she had to have it now. That took all day with BB saying she will just get fat if she can't or i won't let her exercise. All I wanted to do was to get a reasonable deal, $1250 vs $800 for a similar machine. BTW, I still claim the old treadmill is good and the new one is just not needed, but if I get my way, I lose.
Quote: Would Ebay be a better choice? Or maybe call it an Estate Sale? Any ideas?
Mellanie, I am no expert as to which one is better. I have bought several hundred things on eBay. The down side to selling on eBay is the shipping cost if the item is large or there is little interest for the item you listed. eBay items have a "looked at" counter so you can sort of determine how many people are looking at similat things that you have to sell.
My opinion would to list the limited interest or special interest, easy to ship, items on eBay. Look up what a like item sold for in eBays history or completed auctions and decide if the average selling price is worth your time.
csw is the eBay expert here. He said sales under $10 are marginal unless the item is easy to pack and ship. Something like a $6 book is easy to pack and low cost to ship but a set of beat up golf clubs that sold for $9 might not be worth the effort it takes to pack them. Also, charge for the shipping cost to you and a packinf fee. If shipping cost you $9 and the box cost $2, the used bubble wrap or peanuts $?, charge something like $15 and list it as the shipping price (one price, not $9+$2+$2+$2) your time to pack the item is worth something.
I ship "FedEx Ground" because their "online rates" are lower the other delivery choices, UPS is higher and USPS is the worst for anything over 4#. USPS (post office) is the best for "book rate" items.
I might go for selling the shippable things on eBay, the larg items in an estate sale, and what does not sell goes to the donation store. That is just my opinion.
Quote: Right now I am trying to figure out how much of this miss communication is really poor word choice and poor signal sending and what to do about it,
Oh so true, so very true. I don't know how a couple gets out of sync but H and I used to be able to finish each others sentences, now between bad hearing physical or mental and not thinking alike at all...its rough,very rough.
I've taken to saying "you mean --restate what i heard--? IF DONE IN A CALM VOICE I nolonger get the flair up..."where the heck did you get that idea?" followed by you said "XYZ!" Coming to grips with something happened in the way we address one another and trying to fix it VS challenging where the heck it came from in the first place, seems to be a great place to start. Lots of frustration with things like talking for 5 min about paint followed by a min pause then talking about brushes and he thinks "you want me to brush the dog?" and I'm like ?????? I was asking you were the bucket of paint brushes might be, its not in the b'ment.
Try just addressing the this isnt working...what can we do to talk to one another better... ((((HUGS)))) hope it helps
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Quote: and he thinks "you want me to brush the dog?" and I'm like ??????
???? I have that problem. We are talking about something for 10 minuets, pause and then continue on the same topic to find BB does not know what I was talking about 2 minuets earlier. I have recap before I continue if I want to finish the same story.
Quote: BB wants the $1250 one because they deliver and the $800 one I have to clear out my van and can pick it up in a couple of days.
To quell BB's insecurities and general feelings of "nothing ever gets done" verses my frustrations of "but it now", I promiced BB I would have a new treadmill paid for by 6PM on tuesday, her/our wedding aniversery.
The store that had the $1250 treadmill said to call him (Mr. Buff) before I bought someone elses machine. I stopped by his store and made an offer of $950, explained why the amount and the buy, use , and donate situation at our house. He said no, but to call him before I bought another machine so he could tell me what might be some weak points of the machine I was looking at.
I went to the stoer where I intended to buy, called back to the store where I made my $950 offer, described the machine I was going to buy and at what price. Buff said some things and he would have to look something up, then we (me, BB, Buff) exchanged several more calls back and forth. On the last call to Buff, I said my self imposed time limit was approaching, 6PM, and I was about to write the $800 check. Buff made counter offers, but eventually said to come back to his store and he will sell his treadmill for $950. Then the story of how he is giving his merchandise away, yada yada yada. (I worked for a car dealer and heard it all before many times)
During one of the many calls (me, BB, Buff) BB said she wanted to be with me when I bought the treadmill but I told her she is the reason we don't get deals and why I get so upset with not only the frequency she buys, but her "buy it now" patterns. She goes for the extras and caves in on the origional offer, pays the high delivery fees and buys some of the over priced accessories.
BTW, BB is always the one to pick out things she wants and always there to select the items she wants. I like to go back and close the deal by myself.
When I arrive at home BB was surprised I have her dream machine and got it for $950. She thanked me several times and we went out to eat. In bed we kissed some and I rubbed her feet and back. Like I said before, it was her/our aniversery.
BB is starting to talk about trying things to reduce her UTI's. It took two weeks of silence and me finding things to print out from the internet. Maybe in a week something might happen. At least I have some hope now. Before her opinion was, she did not see any way around the UTI's. It was either no sex or she would be a martyr to keep me happy. I don't want her to have UTI's either, but did not feel the two choces were the only options.
Work calls. I think I found a friend I can give the old treadmill to. You know, buy, use donate
Nice negotiating, buddy! I'm always amazed at how quickly you can get retailers to cave if you have good competitive data... thank God for the internet, which broadens the competition!
Any takers ladies 