Just for those that are new here is previous thread-my sitch
But Just a quick re-cap H and I have been married 12 years, in January H said that he loved me but was not in love with me anymore, H told me a couple of things to fix which I did. In Feburary he admitted to having a PA and EA with a women he bowls with. I "shared" him for the next month and a half, until the OW got tired of sharing, but she realized that H and I still had something and she did not want to be the cause of a divorce. I started C at the begining of all of this H started begining of March, we started C together end of March and finished mid May.
We have been doing a lot more things together along with our D9. But with summers busy schedual things are starting to slide back some to the way they were when we started to have problems.
So DBing really works, but with the help of some very wonderful people who have give some really good advice over the course of all of this I don't think I would be here.
I have been on a little bit of a roller coaster in my mind. This weekend was a little rough just because I felt like I was not an imortant person to my H. He was off doing stuff all weekend long somethings I was included and some I was not. It was the times that I was not was when I had the problem. Also I had planned a 'date' for Sunday night. H came in from working in the shop to get cleaned up. He got into the NASCAR race and the Pistons game, both mind you were recorded, also he was talking to a friend on the phone. By the time he was done on the phone it was almost 10pm and I was very tired, we had gotten home late Satruday night from his race about an hour wawy. At this point I was very angery. He realized that I was angery when he came to bed and I had put him pillow in the hallway. As normal he did not take any of the blame and turned the problem into something that I blew out of propotion. At that point I told him that it was not my fault and it was his and why, he did not like that had rolled over and went to sleep. You see I would normally not have done that but now that I am not taking blame for everything he is realizing that the problems that we did have were partly his fault too. But once we had time to talk things over on Monday he understands why I was mad Sunday night. Also he apoligized for what happened too, and we had some good together time Monday night.
Quote: You see I would normally not have done that but now that I am not taking blame for everything he is realizing that the problems that we did have were partly his fault too. But once we had time to talk things over on Monday he understands why I was mad Sunday night. Also he apoligized for what happened too, and we had some good together time Monday night.
Sounds like you are both able to talk more openly. Don't forget the PMA and doing things for you...so important!!
This weekend was ok no feelings of neglect . We had Saturday night all to ourselves D stayed at MIL's, but that was not planned. About 4pm D called to see if she could spend the night at thier house, and they were able to take her. So we had some together time, we spent most of it watching TV.
Yesterday we were planning on getting my car into the shop so I could start working on it but we could not get it started and it is on it's way to the junk yard. Luckily my H knows where there a couple that are running and everything, we just need to junk the one we have and use the money that he gets from that one to get the new one. I was actually bummed because we would have had fun working together in the shop, Oh well.
We have an oppertunity to work together on our house thanks to mother nature, we had a couple of BIG storms go through yesterday afternoon, one that produced a couple small tornato's south of us thank goodness, but we had several shingles come off the roof, topped one of our big spruce trees, and lost a couple sections of fence in our back yard. When the second one came through H was helping my dad clean up some of the damage at his place and did not see it coming until I went and told them that there was another one coming, to finish up and get in (men ) Everyone is fine no one that I know of was hurt I thank the new technology, they predicted to the minute when the first storm was going to be to our area. The second one I was not inside to see when that one was going to hit but I could tell by the way the sky was.
We are still having a little problem with the power thing I don't know how H is taking things now that I am "fighting" back when there is a problem, instead of just letting things stew inside of me until I blow. I am a happier person because of it though. This weekend we are planning on going to a figure eight that H is not running, he had another committment for that day.
You are so fortunate H responded so quickly to the changes!! I admire your participation in this type of activity.
Quote: I was actually bummed because we would have had fun working together in the shop, Oh well.
Hope you like your new car.
Quote: We are still having a little problem with the power thing I don't know how H is taking things now that I am "fighting" back when there is a problem, instead of just letting things stew inside of me until I blow. I am a happier person because of it though
Are you building up H self esteem??? Have you read His Need/Her Needs? Or the five love languages? They will help you avoid a return to previous issues.
I'm glad you've got plans with H again, have fun. I'm thankful you weren't hurt in the recent storms.
Since the beginning of the month H and I have been getting along wonderfully. Some patterns have come back but I am trying to change those and looking at ways for them to disappear completely, but the summer is a very busy time for both H and I and not to mention our D who will be 10 next month. One pattern that came back is the amount we ML in a week, it seems like we don’t have anytime by the end of the day we are both so tired or that H is just getting in the house at 10pm, when I am ready to got to sleep. Hey does any body have any suggestions on this??
One thing that I have discovered though is I really like the gardening thing. Before it was just a pain, but we are spending so much time together out in the garden it is actually fun. We have an average size garden for our neighborhood; several pepper plants, two kinds of watermelon, three other kinds of melon, pumpkins, corn and strawberries. Along with about 15 fruit trees, that took a beating with the storms that we had earlier, I think we would have had some fruit off of them for the first time since we planted them.
We are busy planning our trip to TN the beginning of July. We are still not sure where we will end up plans have changed from Knoxville, to Nashville, to Memphis, basically the whole state. But there is one thing for sure we are going to stop at the flee markets north of Cinicinati on our way to TN. I got a bunch of information on the Nashville area and there were actually some places that I wanted to go like The Hard Rock Café and Coyote Ugly, but I guess I will have to play it by ear until we get there. H had said if we end up in Memphis there is a street that is like Mari Gras time in New Orleans, so I was happy to hear about that. I there will be things for us to do in any of the cities that I mentioned, Knoxville has the college there, Nashville there is so much to do.
I still have not met the OW yet, I think that I have said this before the further I get away from the old sitch the less and less I want to meet her. But on the flip side of this I will have to meet her eventually because H will be bowling with her again this year, and I will be at the bowling alley when they are bowling together. H still talks to her on occasion which I am OK with sort of. It still bothers me that she feels the need to call him, I guess the way I am thinking if she got through once what is saying that she will not get through again. But H has told me over and over that he loves me.
The last time they talked she told him that she may have cervical cancer but nothing was for sure yet, she still had a bunch more tests to go through. She asked him if it was OK if she called him if she needed someone to talk to, and he said that would be OK. Now there are some things that I have heard about her that are making a lot of sense to me right now, that she is very needy. I know that finding out that you may have a serious medical problem is hard to handle when you don’t have anyone else to talk to but she has good friend who works in the medical field. She would have been able to tell her that this is what could happen and what to possibly expect. But I guess the good thing is she ahs not called since last week, but I expect she will call him tonight on his way home from golfing, that seems to be when she calls him.
I am still waiting for my new derby car to get to the house so I can start working on that. But I have been helping H with his car when I can, more and more time together. But there is one thing that I miss now that H and I are doing so much together, my friends. I miss going out with them. I had one ask me last night if I wanted to go to Bike Night with him, he just go a Harley, and wanted to show it off. But H and I were busy doing stuff in the yard. I know it is a male friend that H at first did not trust me with but he is more like a brother than anything. We have been friends since high school and there has never been an attraction at all. My other friends have kind of fallen off the face of the earth too, it seems like no one will call me back.
Quote: Hey does any body have any suggestions on this??
Kim if it is important to you then look at your day and find out what is consuming your time that isn't really important and find a way to do it differently. Make time for you to relax before he gets home. This is his area of expression toward you and makes him feel more "him". To neglect this is to neglect him and the marriage will start to go south. You can look at things that are urgent and find they really aren't as important as your H. Be brutal with this when you look at things.
Quote: It still bothers me that she feels the need to call him, I guess the way I am thinking if she got through once what is saying that she will not get through again. But H has told me over and over that he loves me.
Please help me understand why she is telling him about the cervical cancer issue, usually that is fixed by cryo or Leep and no big deal. Unless she has warts which he will then have exposed you to. Hmmmm. Maybe their is more to this one. Ask him to have her clarify if they found HPV since she talks with him. If so, get your check up done. As in, not an option. There is no other reason for her to share private info like that with him--that is girlfriend talk.
Quote: It still bothers me that she feels the need to call him, I guess the way I am thinking if she got through once what is saying that she will not get through again. But H has told me over and over that he loves me.
Kim be honest with your husband about the insecurities. He may not like what he hears but it may help him to get the picture. Use some analogy with cars that he could understand and tell him it is how you feel when he keeps letting her have his time.
Quote: I know it is a male friend that H at first did not trust me with but he is more like a brother than anything. We have been friends since high school and there has never been an attraction at all. My other friends have kind of fallen off the face of the earth too, it seems like no one will call me back.
Find some new mutual friends with H. I'd think if you leave old friend with harley maybe H will spend less time talking with other woman. See what u can do with that thot.
I am jealous of your trip to TN, sounds like fun fun and more fun. Hope your car gets here soon. Kim you have done well with all the DBing. If you get stuck on how to keep things moving, go down and read the questions in the KLA2005 section--it will head you in the right direction. Keep posting. have a great summer
OK I think that same thing happened to my last post too, I don't know where it went.
The OW had a work up not that long ago, because I did mention to H that if she has anything I may get it too. That is a huge one for me, one of my girl friends got an STD that will be with her for the rest of her life. She was the one that stressed that I should make him use a condum with me which I went as far as stopping taking my birth control pills to make him use one while the affair was still going on.
I have told my H about the issue with him still having contact with her, but he just blows it off as no big deal just deal with it. This was a big issue that we tried to work out during counceling but never really came to an agreement, because she will be bowling with him next year again. I thing that I just don't get is that the team can't find another woman to bowl. I really think that H thought he would not be able to hold the day shift as long as he has, he thought he would get bumped to second shift before bowling would start.
As for finding mutual friends together, we have them but they all live about an hour to an hour and a half away either north of us or south of us. It is very hard to get together with any of them with out having to make plans and change them several times before we actually get together to go out. When we get back from TN we have a pig roast to go to the following weekend, which I know will be fun.
It's funny that you say I should mention that I should not be in contact with my one male friend. I have told my H in the past if it bothers him that I hang out with him I will stop, but H said it is not a big deal any more.
I would like to thank you for all of the positive things that you have to me.
) Everyone is fine no one that I know of was hurt I thank the new technology, they predicted to the minute when the first storm was going to be to our area. The second one I was not inside to see when that one was going to hit but I could tell by the way the sky was.