I'm really glad things are headed in a positive direction for you. Though the thought I had is this anecdote kind of underscored that there is a difference between someone who is relatively HD (you) and someone who is lifetime HD (me). I could not be naked in a tub with any man to whom I am at all attracted at any time (unless I just had sex very recently or was quite ill) and not want to have sex. Even if he farted in the water and made stupid buoy jokes about my breasts, I would only be put off for a moment.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I do admire you for your ability to do that without having to get the sex as well. When my wife and I have a bath together, and scrub and talk, It makes me look forward to the ML part. If that doesn't happen, I feel disappointed. I guess I should change my focus to the now and enjoy the bath part without looking forward to the sex. Does this need to work on ones self never end?
God is love, love is blind, Ray Charles is blind......so there.
I do admire you for your ability to do that without having to get the sex as well. When my wife and I have a bath together, and scrub and talk, It makes me look forward to the ML part. If that doesn't happen, I feel disappointed. I guess I should change my focus to the now and enjoy the bath part without looking forward to the sex. Does this need to work on ones self never end?
God is love, love is blind, Ray Charles is blind......so there.
I do admire you for your ability to do that without having to get the sex as well. When my wife and I have a bath together, and scrub and talk, It makes me look forward to the ML part. If that doesn't happen, I feel disappointed. I guess I should change my focus to the now and enjoy the bath part without looking forward to the sex. Does this need to work on ones self never end?
God is love, love is blind, Ray Charles is blind......so there.
Well I haven't posted an update our our sitch in awhile...so I thought I would today, since we had a C-session over my lunchbreak.
Things have really been going pretty well for us as far as our relationship goes....barring the complications of dealing with a 2-yr old transitioning from his crib to a toddler bed LOL, and the fact that my H and I work opposite shifts every 4-weeks.
We had an interesting session at our thereapist's today though. Last week I had an encouraging development at work...I've been working for the past 5-yrs to get the co. I work for to utilize my skills and talents better. Things were heading that way before 9/11...then that hit and well, let me put it this way I was simply lucky to keep a job in the aerospace industry at that time, I didn't lose my job as thousands did. Anyway....since that time I have been working as an Exec. Secretary....which is not where my talents lie...I am a graphic designer/software instructor...not a babysitter for adults. Anyway....over the past several years I have shown this co how I can save them beaucoup bucks, put it on paper, justified it....everything...in return I'd get the proverbial "don't worry your pretty little head about it." in response. Well we now have new management, this management has recognized my talents could definitely be put to better use and are wanting to send me off for certifications etc....this is GREAT NEWS! It's what I've been working for for so long.....well, when I told my H about this his response was "Oh, ok." WTF!!!! Not a "That's great honey!" or "You've worked so hard for this!"...just "oh, ok." I was really surprised at his response. It hurt my feelings.
So a couple days later, since I was still seething over his response I asked him (after editing my question to him several times in my head) "aren't you excited for me?"...he said "yes, what do you mean?" So I explained that his response was one of "eh". I told him he really took the wind out of my sails, that I was really proud of myself and he came across to me like what I had finally achieved was nothing. His response was "oh, I didn't mean it to come across that way." I left it at that...still kind of puzzled.
So today, at our T's office...I brought it up...as our only "blip" since we last saw her. As I was retelling what had happened, and my H was agreeing with me....I realized he still had NEVER said anything that remotely resembled an "atta girl!", yet he requires that kind of affirmation from me....but doesn't give it to me. So, I turned, looked at him and told him....I know you didn't mean for it to come out so blaze', but do you realize you still haven't said "way to go!", or "I'm proud of you", or "you've worked really hard for this!" or "atta girl"? You still haven't given me any type of favorable response to my promotion. He stopped....thought a few seconds and said "your right" and looked a bit pensive. So I sat there and looked at him for a bit....still nothing. He told me, that's funny, I've told my parents about it, I've told the guys at work. I said, "I'm sure you have, you talk me up quite a bit to other people....but never to me." Which is absolutely true, it's as if he withholds that for some unknown reason. I know he loves me, there's no doubt in my mind about that, so this one's a puzzle (for the moment).
The next interesting development came during our session when out of the blue he brought up my weight loss....the fact that I've lost 12 lbs in the last 3 1/2 weeks or so and that I'm really sticking to the diet my Dr. put me on....and that I had actually done this all on my own. No, it's not surprising that he said this to our T, he's happy to see I'm losing weight (boy am I glad to see it too)....the interesting thing was that he teared up when he was telling her about this. I believe he did this because he's really proud of me....it was just such an unusual thing for him to do. He doesn't give me an "atta girl" for attaining something I've worked years for at work....yet he tears up when talking about my weight loss...hmmmmmm.
One other thing I've noticed as well....since I have been making this very earnest attempt to lose weight (for me)...he's becoming more physically affectionate towards me. This past weekend even he actually said he would like to ML Sat & Sun night...naturally mother nature came calling early Sat. morning....which for both of us kind of kills that, but it was the fact that he was trying to make plans to do that not just one night, but two nights in a row. It was encouraging to me. So we're going to try again this weekend.
Anyway....that's pretty much us at this point. Still moving forward, still working through things, still learning about each other....but continually growing towards each other instead of apart.
My thought is that the way your H feels is that your job success is something that adds to your own personal ego strength outside the relationship and therefore is more of a threat than something he should be celebrating. OTOH, he sees your weight loss success as something you are doing to benefit your relationship and also as something that adds directly to HIS ego strength because having a hot wife is a status perk.
BTW, I hope you are more mature or differentiated or something than me because though I was pretty ready to accept the fact that my H's sex drive was more closely linked to my appearance than any loving feelings he might have towards me, it really threw me for a negative loop when I discovered that my physical appearance was much more directly linked to his desire to show me physical affection. What I referred to as the "baby doll" effect about 1500 posts ago
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
