How much time do you and MrsGGB spend together each week? I don't mean time sewing or doing the dishes, I mean just you and her time?
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
NOP,
Alone time? Whats that? Seriously, it is only about 2 hours a week or so. She fills up her evening time with stuff she couldn't do during the day because of the babies. I'd like it to be much more, but if I push it I am either 'hovering' or keeping her from getting her things done.
Last night I tried for the 10'oclock put down your projects thing. well, she did, and promptly turned on CSI, which she insisted she had to watch. After that was over, she had to check her emails, then when she finally came to bed at about 11:30 she fell asleep within 5 minutes. I called her on it this morning so she initiated an oh,oh GGB sounds bummed quickie.
Mrs GGB and I had a very nice morning actually. The quickie was kind of rushed, but still quite nice. Unfortunately we had to get up to get the kids out the door for school. After the kids were up, MrsGGB went for her usual shower, so I snuck in with her, washed her hair and back and hugged. Nothin sexual, mind you. Just some really nice alone time.
Last night we went to a bible study meeting together (we've been going to a series). The topic this spring has been Saint Paul, and last night's lecture covered his first letter to the Corinthians. When we got to chapter 13, the words "Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful" jumped out at me. My first thought was Cemar really needs to read all the bible, not just the things that support his cause. But then I got thinking and realized that I had allowed irritability and resentment to creep into my life. I asked myself why, and couldn't come up with a valid reason that was also not insisting on my way. A lightbulb came on reminding me that I love this woman and to cut my crap. The Lord does work in mysterious ways, yes?
a footnote: I had never realized chapter 13 really wasn't directed at married couples, rather it is directed at the community...ie, neighborly love. But that's an aside.
GGB wrote: ----------------- Alone time? Whats that? Seriously, it is only about 2 hours a week or so. She fills up her evening time with stuff she couldn't do during the day because of the babies. I'd like it to be much more, but if I push it I am either 'hovering' or keeping her from getting her things done. -----------------
I don't know how you can do it, but I will tell you that you simply must arrange to spend more time with your wife. That time is the salve that soothes wounds, and allows you to reconnect with your wife.
I have seen all kinds of recommendations from different people. None of them would agree that 2 hours a week is even a start. Most seem to start around 7 hours a week. Willard Harley says 15 hours a week, and I am not sure what Michele says, but I bet it is more than 2 hours.
Any marital relationship is going to eventually have foundational problems when little time is invested in basic maintenance.
It is something that you might want to give serious consideration, and discuss with your wife.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Last night I tried for the 10'oclock put down your projects thing. well, she did, and promptly turned on CSI, which she insisted she had to watch.
Get a Tivo, they are pretty inexpensive these days. They are great. My wife always only wanted to talk, when I was watching something. Now, I just hit pause, and listen intently to her. She can also store 80 hours of Oprah or whatever, so she can watch it when there is time. You might have to watch her though. Had to say something about my wife waiting until I got home to watch all her stuff. There are 23 other hours in the day.
God is love, love is blind, Ray Charles is blind......so there.
I know this. What I am having difficulty doing is getting her to free up the time. I guess I need to be more forceful about it. Thinking about it, I guess we do get a little more time than I stated, it just comes in small chunks. I'd really like to have an hour or more a day of uninterrupted time with her. I've been getting a little more by doing things like going to the grocery store with her, leaving one of the oldest kids to look after the rest while we are gone and that has been helping both for connection, and it seems to speak one to her in one of her LLs.
That's funny you should mention that one, GGB -- my wife also seems to really appreciate my going with her to do the grocery shopping.
Of course, I would rather eat dung and do PUSH-UPs, but I do try to go with her on the weekends for the "big" shopping, and at least I can pick out the kinda BEER and SNACKS I get!
Yeah, shopping of any kind is right up there with sticking needles in my eyes, pulling my fingernails out with pliers and a host of other fun things too. I've tried my best to ignore those thoughts though, and focus on it being something to do with her and a way to spend a little bit of time with her. There have actually been times recently where I've looked forward to going with her to the grocery store.
FYI guys....we aren't all that fond of it either...just thought I'd throw that in there. It's not like going grocery shopping is high on anyone's favorite chore list...it simply MUST be done...or you don't eat LOL.
Just wanted to point that out...you were almost making it sound like it's something your W's like to do LOL. That's possibly why they appreciate it so much when you do go with them Sure some people like it...but I would think if you asked a group of people....not many of them would say it was "fun" LOL.
Good point, GEL. I think it's partly that our shopping STYLES are so much different. I am the classic "Hunter-Gatherer" that Gary Smalley talks so humorously about when he compares wives' and husbands' shopping habits. We need mayonnaise, I grab a jar and put it in my shopping cart.
Wife needs mayonnaise, she carefully analyzes all of the nutritional information on each jar of each brand, compares all of the prices, compares the mayonnaise to the Miracle Whip, then goes back to the mayonnaise, then MAYBE puts a jar in her cart.
I can get a list of 30 items done in 25 minutes; she takes 1 hour and 15 minutes and it's EXCROOOOOOTIATING......
Sure some people like it...but I would think if you asked a group of people....not many of them would say it was "fun" LOL.