Here I am back to give everyone a very happy update!
I finally broke the ice yesterday, and it all went as I expected. My wife and I had a long heart to heart talk, and thanks to carefully planned wording I was understood and accepted...and she's even agreed to read the Proper Care and Feeding Book (as I said, she's a fan of Dr. Laura). She hasn't done that yet...but...let's just say things look much more hopeful.
It's amazing how just a little work can sometimes result in a great turnaround. (Well I SAID my wife was wonderful in so many ways even if the sexual aspect gets frustrating at times!!!! ) Oh, it was a long and wonderful Sunday afternoon....
Since I was coming here mostly to vent frustration, I probably won't feel the need to post here much in the future....but might just check in once in a while. But thank you all for being here to listen and thanks for your tips and encouragement.
Quote: she's even agreed to read the Proper Care and Feeding Book (as I said, she's a fan of Dr. Laura).
Shortchanged. The book assumes you are a very good and caring H. If you have selfish flaws, the book will eventually backfire. I read the book and listen to her radio program some days. I agree with one of her general messages, first you have to work on your contribution to the problem. You cant fix someone else, but you can improve yourself and limit what someone does to you.
Did you read "10 Stupid Things Men Do......". If not, you better.
Quote: --------------------- Since I was coming here mostly to vent frustration, I probably won't feel the need to post here much in the future....but might just check in once in a while. But thank you all for being here to listen and thanks for your tips and encouragement. ---------------------
I can really appreciate your positive outlook, but I think that you should know, that your situation is unlikely to change so rapidly.
I think that it would be a really good idea if you set your sights a wee bit lower. It will save some disappointment and leave you better able to deal with what actually transpires in your relationship.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
In reply to the above two responses - yes, I understand how my last post, in and of itself and to someone without full knowledge of the situation, may have made it look like I am unrealistically optimistic.
Don't worry. Yes, I see how that post in and of itself may make it look like I've lost touch with reality! - but I haven't. I will confess to wild "mood swings" at least as far a my optimism level between times when things are going "well" in that department and when they aren't - but I've also been through those cycles enough times to know that both extremes are temporary. Yes, I'm aware there are going to be down times ahead as well...and there are going to be times when I'm going to be as frustrated as I was when I made this original post. Hopefully from this last downtime, however, I will retain some of the lessons learned...such as communicate no matter how much I don't feel like it at the time...and if I can bring myself to do that hopefully those down cycles won't be as deep or as long.
I haven't specifically read the "10 Stupid Things Men Do" book, but believe me, I have seriously read dozens of Christian and secular books in the same vein (and, to those who don't already know this, believe me when I tell you the Christian ones invariably come down even far more harshly on what husbands must avoid doing wrong than the secular ones. So I know all those recommendations and generally work very hard to follow them (and my wife would honestly agree).
The bottom line is, I've still got both feet very much on the ground.
I'm glad to hear of your current upswing, I think it's just wonderful for you two!!
I also know that you are already aware from reading our posts, and from your own experiences, that this may not be a permanent change (I hope for you that it is though)....so just know, if things get difficult again and you need the support .... we're here for you!!!
As a couple people pointed out just be prepared for a downfall. Hopefully it won't happen and it will continue to be positive. But this sex starved marriage business can be a real roller coaster ride.
Just read your post. As a newcommer and a supposed LD who is looking for a better understanding of what drives a HD (so the tag drew my attention to this thread). I commend you. This post has been the most honest straight foward least pragmatic and justifiable in its lack of trying to self justify by lacing love and sex and self worth as one and the same issue. You have address two seperate beast that dwell in the same cave. Which was highly refreshing to see the truth plan blunt straight truth put out there. Thank you
The only advantage that you forgot to mention regaurding a room mate. If you are a perfectionist and they are a slob you can tell them to leave without the emotional baggage and cost of telling your spouse this.
) Oh, it was a long and wonderful Sunday afternoon.... 
