Quote: I think all Jenny was trying to say is that cheating, in our circumstances, is something that some people would expect would happen. That doesn't mean it should and it doesn't mean it's right by any means.
Right. I should note that my sister wasn't even condoning adultery when she said this. She is a very moral person in an ultra-left-wing way. She never cheats on her boyfriends. She somehow manages to dump them and still stay friends. She thinks my H is wrong-minded because if he doesn't want to have sex with me, he should agree to an open marriage if we want to stay together for the sake of the children.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I think a "natural outcome" of events is that the starved partner would eventually want to get out of an R that is unfulfilling to them but cheating is a selfish choice to make and, really, what are you saying if you cheat? "I am so special that I deserve to have both a spouse and a girlfriend/boyfriend"?
I can testify firsthand to how strong the temptation can get when your needs are not being met at home, but it is still not the logical 'next step', imo.
Honeypot...I have the same POV you do on this...but it is surprising how many people I know that do view "cheating" as a natural outcome to the situation.
I don't believe it to be, you don't believe it to be....all I'm saying is there are many people who do believe it to be...perhaps that's one reason so many people cheat, they feel it's acceptable. I certainly don't feel it is.
Actually, the reason my sister said she thought many people end a relationship by cheating rather than just leaving is that many/most people are too wimpy to jump without a parachute. This is my view on the matter also. It's bad behavior but like most bad behavior, it's very chickensh*t behavior. Besides, if you really believe that sexuality is something to be celebrated, why would you choose to hold the party at Motel 6?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I think I would qualify that to: Not that many people who post on internet bulletin boards are having the amount of sex they want. I have this notion that those of us who spend hours and hours on the internet are a self-selected group, and by no means typical of the public at large.
Do you mean to imply that techno-nerds, self-employed loners and SAHMs with cling-on toddlers are less sexy than the general population?
Not that we're less sexy, but that we aren't having the amount of sex that we want (the LD's are having too much and the HD's aren't having enough). And not just us... think of the other bulletin boards dealing with this topic that people on this one have cited. I don't think we're typical of the general population.
Just think of it: in a household where neither person is computer-obsessed, at least the cry of "Come to bed! You've been on that dammed computer ALL NIGHT!" is never heard.
I STILL have a few friends who check their email once a week and otherwise virtually never browse the net.
I too know firsthand how strong the temptation can be, but I also agree with you GEL, and HP that cheating is not a logical or moral outcome. I do however, have many friends and acqaintances to whom it is not only logical but also consider it inevitable. The pain it brings about is horrible to watch. I can only imagine how much worse it is if you are one of the ones directly affected. Perhaps there is something to be said of the "good old days" when adultery was not accepted in the community and transgressions led to dire consequences here on earth rather than in the in afterlife.
Quote: Perhaps there is something to be said of the "good old days" when adultery was not accepted in the community and transgressions led to dire consequences here on earth rather than in the in afterlife.
Now you're going overboard. I'm glad you and I weren't neighbors in Salem in the 17th century.
Quote: According to the Gospel of John, the Pharisees, in an attempt to discredit Jesus, brought a woman charged with adultery before him. Then they reminded Jesus that adultery was punishable by stoning under Mosaic law and challenged him to judge the woman so that they might then accuse him of disobeying the law. Jesus thought for a moment and then replied, “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.” The people crowded around him were so touched by their own consciences that they departed. When Jesus found himself alone with the woman, he asked her who were her accusers. She replied, “No man, lord.” Jesus then said, “Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more.”
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
You are right. I did go way overboard. I get riled when I see people encouraging others to take the immoral quick "fix" of adultery rather than the higher road of putting effort into their M. It has gotten so much so these days that people chosing to put work into their R are often scoffed at. You are absolutely right that it is not ours to judge. On the otherhand, gosh, people make it so darned easy to cheat.
Well, I'm not opposed to civil penalties. Maybe the spouse who cheats should have to pay a cash penalty for violating the marriage contract. OTOH, maybe a spouse who doesn't provide sex should have to pay a cash penalty for each consecutive non-sexual day after a week's grace period. Sort of like an overdue fine for a DVD.
What if there was some way that everyone in the world could tell how long it had been since you last had sex- some sort of meter on your forehead? Do you think more LD spouses would be inclined to put out more often if this were true?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Hmm, Now I think you are onto something ;-) O' course in my case, it would just make the lawyers rich because Mrs GGB is a SAHM...all the money comes from my work. There'd have to be some other penalty for non-working LD cases. Perhaps something like community service directed to the spouse. Slave for a day or something?? LOL
