Anybody else notice that CeMar picked up on the 3-4 times a week, daily, and even the twice daily, but totally ignored the once a week, once every two weeks, once a month, and others with less than once a week? I sure noticed some selective vision there.
The thing that stood out to me was the wide range of responses. Some were complaining that 2-3 times a week wasn't enough while others were perfectly happy with once a month or less. As Arte Johnson would say, very interesting...
How can we not notice that...he's still looking for people to validate that what he wants is "right" or "normal"....he seems to disregard the fact that the gammet for frequency and "normalcy" is so wide.
A very nice post there. The people there seem to respond so matter-of-factly, like they were being asked their shoe sizes.
One thing I notice is that kids seem to be sex-inhibitors. Who ever had increased frequency after kids? A couple people mentioned that getting away helped. I agree. Last week came a long-awaited weekend alone for me and W. Not only was the sex great, the whole weekend reminded me of how much darn fun it can be to be married. We laughed and talked for hours.
One funny thing is that when she is into her trance, W enjoys sex at least as much as I do. But her "rational" side is somewhat embarrassed about that fact. She almost seems to have to attempt to refuse before she can relax.
Here's to another of my cousins getting married this summer!
Wow. The thread on that other site is SOOOO interesting. Has anyone else read every post like I have? There are about a hundred and fifty of them! I've summarized a few for those of you who don't want to read them all.
I said above that they were all over the map, but now I think a slight majority show the woman as wanting more sex than the man. Many of the posters lament the passivity, low desire, etc., of the guy. For some this is a problem, for others, it doesn't seem to bother them.
That's one of the fascinating things about this thread: the people who are discontented are just that-- discontented. They aren't all bent out of shape about it. It helps me put things in perspective.
One guy posted and said that his W tried to "schedule" sex and that totally turned him off.
One woman wakes up virtually every morning to her H mb-ing in bed. It gets his day off to a good start, and she's fine with it.
Many women expressed a sentiment similar to this one:
Quote: There have been times when I thought I must be the ONLY woman in the world who wanted sex more often than her husband. And that all the other men in the world constantly think about sex all day (what is it, every six seconds?) and would only refuse sex, as one of my male friends put it, when in traction. I felt really...awful about wanting to have sex and being refused. And it felt like constantly.
Several women with LD husbands wondered if the guys were gay.
A handful of woman said they mb every day whether they are having sex with H or not, and quite a few other women also said they mb. One woman said
Quote: we try to make it at the very least once a week, otherwise we get cranky and mean and distant, which is no good. our drives are pretty compatible, and i don't think either of us has a problem using our go to guy, Mr. Hand, if the other one doesn't want to do it
This one was cute
Quote: We just got back from a long weekend on Kauai. We did it 13 times from Thursday to Tuesday morning. We're serious vacation fuckers. We even went to the porn shop to stock up on fun stuff! At home, I could probably go with 2 times a week.
That is also my idea of a vacation!
Another cute one
Quote: February 14th and April 20th so far this year.
We've got a 2 year old and a 6 month old.
Yes, I realize this is pathetic. But I would much rather spend my only 15 minutes a day of free time eating ice cream right out of the box and zipping through a TIVO'd episode of Desperate Housewives than doing the nasty.
JJ, this is your soul sister:
Quote: i'm 39, not married, with a sex drive as high as a kite. i've yet to find a man who can keep up with me, likely why i like dating younger men.
This post blew my mind:
Quote: I once wrote my husband an erotic short story (and can I just say, this is not easy, it was one of the most challenging pieces of writing I've ever done).
I was hoping he'd read it & get stirred up.
His response: "Don't ever show me anything like that again."
My husband gives a whole new depth to the word "prude."
LOL. Actually, I think there are at least a couple women on this BB who have drives that are as high or higher than mine (HP, SecondChances, Karen) and I've known MANY women who have drives much higher than mine. The fact is there must be lots of people who have much higher drives than the people on this BB. These are the people who would never tolerate being in a SSM for a minute and so they never end up on a BB like this because they resolve the problem as soon as it occurs.
I wanted to speak to the issue of people who acknowledge a problem with drive disparity in their marriage but don't consider it a big problem. I think at various junctures in my marriage I might have been one of those people. My marital sex life has always been a problem for me but it hasn't always been my biggest problem or a problem I felt I had the resources to address. If you had surveyed me at age 29, I would have agreed that I wasn't exactly happy with my sex life but the thing that was making me miserable was the fact that I didn't have the career I wanted. If you had surveyed me at age 32, I would have indicated that my sex life was a 2 on a scale of 10 but my biggest priority was fixing up the old house we had just purchased, etc. There are several reasons why this issue jumped to #1 on my priority list last year. The sex situation got worse than ever with my discovery of my H's porn habit at the same time I had the "luxury" of being able to put more personal resources into addressing the problem because my career was going well and my kids were older. People posting about their sex life on an infertility BB obviously are considering "having kids" to be the #1 issue in their marriage not "having a great sex life" except to the extent that LD might impact fertility issues.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Jenny, I agree with you that timing was everything. I was willing to tolerate no sex, as long as I had a nice career. Once I quit my job, the emptiness of my personal self was overwhelming. I know lots of mothers would say, How can you feel empty when you just had your first baby?
Well, again, I'm not talking about how I felt in relation to my daughter, or as a mother. But solely and completely as a person--mySELF. I felt empty (as many first time stay at home mothers do) and the lack of sex underscored that everything about my former life had been taken from me. Our sex life was in the crapper before we ever even conceived our first child so it wasn't a product of the children, but I was able to shrug my shoulders, take care of myself, and go on with life until I found myself in our home 24 hours a day.
You know this is really wierd. You get into a group of women and you are almost ashamed to admit you have a HD for sex. YOU SHOULD BE PROUD! Why do women seem to treat being LD's as a badge of honor while you feel ashamed. I have seen this when women gather around, they love to admit they don't care much for sex. It seems to make them feel like one of the ladies. Just seems to be backwards to me. Now if guys gather around, they might talk about their sexual conquests, but never about LD!
of woman said they mb every day whether they are having sex with H or not, and quite a few other women also said they mb. One woman said