We had a really awesome time at the Butterfly Farm. It was this huge atru=ium thing, and there were tons of different butterflies. They landed on us and the kids had a great time. My H seems to be mellowing out a bit. He is actually planning out the landscaping for our backyard right now. I have been giving him his space. i still miss the intimacy we once shared, but he has been initiating hugs, and last night gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. I was happy.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Quote: He told me that we need to begin our relationship from the very begining, on trust. He said we are in the "pre-school" stage, learning to get along and learning to like each other again.
So... in that pre-school stage is permited to have a best friend at the same time, but by your words a post behind, it seems that best friend wants your h to be her something else, a BF??? At the same point, it is so difficlt to rewind to pre-school stage with all moments yet lived. It is like being again child knowing you will not like cats, or draw, or.... i think is better to think in a new M... a better R, conserving what was good in the past
Quote: Sometimes I wonder if it is worth all of the effort on my part when he is the one making all of the bad choices. Sometimes it is hard to put on a happy face, when my heart is breaking and I just feel so lonley and so rejected by him. We haven't been intimate in 5 months, and I hate sleeping alone in my bed. He told me that he can't have that type of relationship with me at this time in his life. That we have to work on other areas, mainly the trust issues.
Until last sunday i had almost 5 months without no intimacy at all with my h... and he sayed it was a reflextion aroused from his Therapist C, that was better not to settle false hopes or expectations by the intimacy... I played and torture him a little being sensual and he cant avoid me after 4 months...before that i used to follow his settlement, no intimacy, no sensualism... so, i was wrong, i didnt invite him... i didnt initiated anything, i only play a different game. Yes, i really know how we can feel, how rejected we feel and thats terrible... but think at this issue as his problem... not yours... try to think at him like a ill person, a poor man that is passing a great crisis... is not you... you are doing great being more atractive... go ahead... and good luck Andrea
Sometimes I think he wants to be with me, he tells me how nice I look, etc.Sometimes I think he is punishing me, because of past issues. I have not mentioned sex at all to him since January but lately he hugs me and last night he kissed me on the cheek. Since going to therapy, I have really learned how to love him again, but his defences are so high, he will not let down his guard. I keep hoping that just one of these days he will initiate something, but I am so scared of the rejection I will not be the one to do it. He has been mentioning that he has noticed the changes in me, so I guess that is a good thing.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Any chance you could do the Keep Love Alive CD's. We've just started a couple days ago. I sounds like it would really meet you where you are and help move into a positive future. The CD's are fantastic...I was not sure, but they are.
I'm glad H is showing some signs of appreciating you.
Last night he came home after spending some time with a friend from his job, they went out for dinner. He brought me home a gift, soemthing he hasn't done in years. I was so touched! He told me it was because I had allowed him to go out and he appreciated that. I didn't "allow" him to do anything, I just didn't make a fuss and kept my mouth shut. Tonight he is going out again, and on Friday he will be meeting another friend. Next week he goes to California for a week. His Mother is moving in on June 2nd, which I am dreading. He has been living in her apartment, and now Ia m scared about the new living arrangements. He told me that he is not moving out, that he would figure something out. I so want him to move into our bedroom again, but I will not inititate it, as it will have to be his decision.The thought of divorce still looms over my head. He hasn't mentioned it but I don't know what goes on in his head.I don't know what his plans are, I just keep looking to the positive things that are going on.Once he gets a new job, he may still proceed with his plan.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Eight children! Wow, FaH, I thought I had a lot with four, but they're worth it, 'eh!?
I have just read your sitch on this thread and find there are some similarities between us. We have both been with our H's for 20 years, and had multiple children. I think our children was what drew my H back, and maybe that will happen to you too. Even though they say they don't want to stay for their sakes. Having children makes one's M more of a commitment, IMO.
Not sure what advice I can give you except that his so-called best friend has no right to infringe her opinion into your M. Don't phone her again. There have been so many times that I almost phoned my H's OW (it was an EA, but an A, nonetheless), but thankfully I stopped myself. They will always have excuses for why they are involved with the married man, etc. Don't be surprised if you H is having an EA with this woman. His privacy issue would make me suspicious. Anyway, best to be prepared. I thought I would have a heart attack when I discovered my H's EA. Just remember that it ain't over until the judge says so, and with having children together, it will never really be over - OW always hope that it would be, but the stats speak for themselves.
Why does your H have trust issues? Or am I reading your post incorrectly? I would've thought you would be the one with trust issues. I certainly don't trust my H, and probably never will completely. They pay a huge price when they WA from their wife and children. One just hopes they wake up before it's too late to repair the damage.
Another thing you can try, that worked for me, is dropping the rope. A really good DB technique. Once I had dropped the emotional rope (lovingly, of course), I felt I could carry on alone and didn't need my H. I felt more in control of myself. It's strange how quickly my H wanted to reconcile when he thought I was moving on. WTH!!!!!
Glad you are growing spiritually! I lost a lot in that department, but am starting to pray again. It sure helps a lot.
Hoping for the best for you.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
My husbands trust issues with me are very different. I have spent the last 5 months in therapy because there were issues that I have never dealt with, and would have huge anger problems. he told me that he felt that he could never be honest with me for fear of my reaction. I have learned how to control the anger now, and our communication is much better. I know in my heart that there is so much more to the story then he is telling me. In the past i had snooped at some of his emails, and found one he signed "ilove you". When i asked him about it, he said it was just a term of endearment, and I guess I am supposed to believe this. He insists they are best friends, and that is all. I do not believe him. He will be leaving this Wednesday for a 6 day trip to California to see her.He tells me that this is just a mental health vacation, and that they will be in separate rooms, and that there is nothing more then friendship between them. She is recently divorced. I will know by his actions if he is telling the truth. I will see if he calls home, or how his mood is when he finally returns home. I am feeling like such a fool right now. I want so much to believe him, and trust him, but I have no reason to do so.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Just had a very long talk with my husband. He is trying to reassure me that he is coming home after his trip, and that he loves me. He also mentioned that divorce is his trump card,a nd the only leverage he has. He said he willnot make any decisions right now, as he wants to see how things will work out. Right now he feels we are in a Mexican Standoff...who is going to put down their weapons first. I want so much to believe him, he seems so sincere. I told him that many of my insecurities stem from the fact that the divorce is looming over my head like a black cloud. I told him that I loved him and that I want a chance to be a proper wife to him, but he got upset again,and said I am asking too much at this time.I guess he was right, I have to step back. I just feel so anxious sometimes, and although patience is a virtue, it is not one of mine. He kept assuring me that he would be coming home and is not planning on going anywhere. We just need to take babysteps. This is so damn difficult.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Quote: He is trying to reassure me that he is coming home after his trip, and that he loves me
So, after thinking about this, would you be willing to "act as if" things will be ok. PMA he will come home and he does love you. Act as if there will be no divorce. Now, here is the part for you do think on, if you will. What will you do differently so H will see a PMA in you? List some here so we can cheer you on. They will be baby steps and that is ok. You can do this!!!! Keep posting and DBing
I need to stop being so anxious!!! I need to keep up the housework, and not allow myself to fall behind and get into a funk. I can not ask questions!! Maintain myself, keep up the make up, nice clothes, etc. Be positive!! Be encouraging!! LISTEN TO HIM when he is sharing with me.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
