Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy I am confused with my feelings...

Yoyo! I'm so happy to hear about your holiday. It really sounds like you're making strides with your H. And sounds like you've got a great PMA. Don't worry about H going off on his own now and then... gives him a chance to think in silence. And that's what we want!!

It sounds like you did have a great trip. I'm glad you were all able to get away. Yes, I backslide at times to, but I think that will happen less and less the more positive signs you see from H. And it sounds like he gave you some real good positives this weekend and some nice compliments about being "sexy". It sounds like he is also trying and I think a little time alone for him is good, at least you were away on holiday and you know his time away was alone time. Alone time and space are needed. I know at first I was all over my H, I was not giving him any space then I read DBing the D remedy. Space is needed. So overall I think these are all positive signs. Keep up your PMA. I hope your H is successful in finding a new job! This might take awhile so think about this:

Quote
_________________________________

..."Your mom looks quite sexy doesn't she?

"No, I want you and the boys. We can work on us again. I love you!"

---------------------------------

This are great things to continue to replay in your mind when you find yourself slipping a bit.

Take care.

Yoyo,

I'm a little bit jealous . Sounds like you guys had a wonderful time. I think H and I need a mini vacation but I just don't see that happening any time soon.

Keep up the good work!!!

kdk

Anna/KDK/golfer - Thanks for the support. Am seeing bits and pieces of positives with H. H drove interstate last night for his interview this morning. He called me while on the road, and he stayed over at a friend's place and called me from there too. Called me this morning twice (and it's only 10.00 am over here) and also sent me a couple of messages over my mobile. He talked about some friends that I know of. I think he is TRYING hard to get back to normality?

My DBing Goals now are modified on a day-to-day basis. We are going for a premiere of "Batman Begins" tonight, and I think a mini-goal is for him to attend as well. My ILs will be there, and I think he still feels awkward facing them. It's a hurdle that he needs to get over - to face his beloved mom again. Actually, during our trip, his mom called my mobile, and the boys were shouting "It's grandma. It's grandma" and my MIL heard him say to the boys "pass the phone to mom, pass the phone to mom". My MIL commented to my mom that he was there and he wouldn't even answer the phone and talk to her. I do think he has GREAT GUILT issues that he needs to get over before he can face his mom. H told me that his interview may be till quite late, and if he takes about 3 hours to drive back, he wouldn't be able to make it to the premiere...

The other mini-goal that I have would be for him to want to have a get-together for his birthday with our mutual friends. He did briefly ask if I was gonna have something on for his birthday the other day at our adult get-together..So, I will ask him when he gets back.

One bummer thing that happened on the trip was that I lost my black/white diamond ring. SHUCKS! Must have slipped off when I jumped from the boat into the water for snorkling, or could be when I was digging the sand at the beach with the boys. Regardless...it's a bummer.

I think that sounds like a great plan - mini db'ing goals. I really like that and I think that will also help your H. it's not to overwhelming, so it seems a little easier. It does sound like H would like to get back to normal and with your plan of mini DB'ing goals you will in time. A PMA and patience will work wonders. I know we all need help remembering that because I often need to remind myself of the same. I think you have a very SOUND plan in place. Keep up the good work and the PMA!

Take care.

Yes - PMA is a must. Detaching is a must. My H is really quite confused, or rather like to torment me. Last night, he initiated s@x and then said "I am still going to leave you". He said it a few times. I got fed-up and asked "So, you are leaving me?" Then he said "No!". I mean WTF is this guy doing? Later he said "This potential job sounds good. Whether you are coming or OW is coming, or not coming, I am going!". Again, WTF?? I asked him "Do you want me to pack your things now for you to go?" to which he kept quiet. I actually told him that aliens have abducted my H's brain, and he is not my H. H answered "only the part that deals with women, the part on how I do my job...it's great" When am I gonna get my old H back?? I am so used to all this nonsense that I brush it off and not let it bother me. How can I? It's so frequent. Really have to totally IGNORE what the WAS says...

Anyway, H didn't go to the premiere with us. So, my mini-goal was not achieved. Will be going to H's work vicinity today. Perhaps my mini-goal for today is to meet him for dinner? We'll see. But he is rather afraid that I may "bump" into OW....that would be rather exciting..won't it?

I have reached the point that I just want to ignore H. Perhaps just have him for LOL

Hey Sister Goddess!

Had the sweat dried before he said that? Seriously... how soon after ML is he saying this stuff? It seems very hurtful. Or is he using it to protect himself? Some men (and women) are so vulnerable after sex that they may play porcupine to protect themselves. Does he often speak to you badly after ML?

You are doing a great job of detaching, but if you don't 100% want him to leave, don't offer to pack. Have you bitten your tongue in two yet?

By the way - I totally recommend you get a tattoo on your a$$. Just don't tell him... let him discover it.

Hey...I have to say that I am detaching so well that I wasn't really listening to him telling me that he's leaving. BTW, he said it while initiating s@x. So, no sweat yet at that time. I know I know..you must be wondering why I would still have the mood to do it after what he said....like I said, I was not really listening to him. Plus I was feeling rather h@#ny. LOL

I know that I shouldn't offer to pack when I didn't want him to leave. Was taking the risk, wasn't I? But H is kinda lazy, and I think after ML, he would not want to drive out of the house and look for a place to stay. It was already 1.30 am then.

I will certainly think about the butterfly tattoo on my a$$. WOuld really be a shock to him. Ms. Goody goody I am!! LOL

Anna - LOL.... At least I am not the only h@#ny chick on the BB hungry for their Hs. LOL...

Yes, yes...the tattoo seems more and more appealing....BUt wonder how it will look when I am 80 years old...my taut butterfly would be all crimply and wrinkly..LOL

Actually, just remembered something...As he met with a lot of his old aquaintances yesterday, he was telling me "Oh X divorced his wife already. And Y divorced his wife...today". I was like "Are you trying to tell me something? U want to have a divorce to get into the gang?" to which he replied "No...was just telling you". Like I am mega-interested to know about ppl's divorces when we are having problems of our own!