Her actions are absolutly normal. You will find that if you read the newcomers thread that you are in the exact same boat as most of them. Your W is not going to let you breath because that is the way she can keep her distance. You need to realize that she is confused. She isn't herself and she is trying make it easier on herself. My suggested to not talk about the R at all. That will only push her a way faster. Don't allow yourself to get mixed up in her crap. I really feel for you, I was in your spot about 2 yrs ago. No my W wasn't having an affair that she has ever said anything about. But she did lose her mind. From reading your posts they sound very similar to what my W was doing. My suggestion is to stay cool, calm, and collected.
I wasn't suggesting you try to answer that. In my past experience....you just "know" when you are finished trying. If you still have feelings of confusion etc...you aren't done. I'm certainly not going to advocate you quitting, I don't get the impression that's what you want to do....and to be honest, I don't get that impression from your W's actions either.
Grislen, I fully agree with you about the R talks. It is hard to avoid them when they are the only talks W will have with me. Asking her about the weather, the health of her family, and work only take up a few minutes of time, out of the hour we see each other. I prefer staring into her eyes, looking for my W inside the alien, but the alien always says "WHAT???"
GEL, I know you wren't saying I should answer, you were saying only I can answer that question. I was spiralling downward, into a funk. I got up and loaded up my van with stuff and brought it to the local auction house for tomorrows auction. It is all stuff that didn't sell on ebay, so it is a bunch of clutter at this point. It was good to clean up a bit, and my mood improved (even though a bird flew into my van when I was driving ) I went into town and had some pizza , and went to the new retail used computer store opened by my bossman. I was thinking about a laptop, but I need to hit him up for a raise first. One of the guys at work who started 5 weeks ago said that he and another guy didn't upload ads until their third week. I will be 20 listings over quota by tomorrow, the end of my first week. I think that makes me worthy for a raise
W is putting up a good front. There are times when I wish she would move in with the loser, so she could see what she is getting herself into. She is playing games with me, or at least trying to. I asked again today if they ML and if they used a condom. In one sentence, she said that she was amazed that I would even think that she wouldn't use a condom, and them said that maybe they hadn't even gone there yet. So did they or didn't they??? (obviously, they did, and they didn't... )
So, here I am in my SSM, feeling quite starved, and every day gaining more insight into the feelings of rejection that W faced.
Lass, I think you are right about just knowing when the end is near. It isn't. But I can tell you for certain that there is a timeline, and I will stick to it. I won't sell myself short, and I will not discount the price for readmission into my heart.
I do still love W, and I am happiest when I am near her. I don't believe she is done loving me. She says she is done, but I am too obtuse to believe her.
FYI, you truly are doing great. I agree with others on this board though that advise you to stay away from the R talks...she uses these to bait you, don't take the bait. If you have dead-air between the two of you let her sit in the uncomfortablness of it too....don't feel you have to fill that space with conversation just because you feel uncomfortablel...try to remember, if you feel uncomfy....so does she...why? Because she knows what she's doing is wrong! The nicer you are to her and the more you avoid the R talks...the more blatant her behavior becomes...to her, and to outsiders. Do your best to steer clear of those R talks...when you feel the urge to get into one, stop and go do something to busy yourself.
This doesn't mean you aren't saying you love her, or that you can't stay you love her to her...just avoid those talks where she baits you and you end up with discussions like the one you just described
I will be the first to admit that I got sucked into a doozy today. Iknow better, but I must have left my head back at work. So far so good tonight, and she will be gone for the rest of the week. I will keep
W has been gone so much lately, it is hard to work on our M. She said she wasn't certain if she would be home Friday. I know it is easier for her to avoid seeing me. Before she left on Tuesday, we briefly talked. I told her I was sorry that I still loved her, but that I didn't know how to stop. She cried. I wish I could stop loving her, because it would make te process of moving on so much easier. I called her once yesterday, and once today. She called me back promptly on both days. I am surprised by that, because she hadn't been returning my calls for weeks, so I had stopped calling. We had nice conversations both times. They were shallow conversations, mostly about her work, but I will take that any day over not hearing her voice. The trouble is, I am saddend when I hear her voice, and then come home to this big empty house. My hope for saving the M is growing smaller every day. She always seems to find a reason to be gone, and her absences are increasing in length and frequency.
I would give anything to hold her again, and to be held by her. Right now, that seems like an impossibility.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Walk Away Ben Harper Oh no Here comes that sun again That means another day Without you my friend
And it hurts me To look into the mirror at myself And it hurts even more To have to be with somebody else And it's so hard to do And so easy to say But sometimes Sometimes you just have to walk away Walk away
With so many people To love in my life Why do I worry About one
But you put the happy In my ness You put the good times Into my fun And it's so hard to do And so easy to say But sometimes Sometimes you just have to walk away Walk away And head for the door
We've tried the goodbye So many days We walk in the same direction So that we could never stray They say if you love somebody Than you have got to set them free But I would rather be locked to you Than live in this pain and misery
They say time will Make all this go away But it's time that has taken my tomorrows And turned them into yesterdays And once again that rising sun Is droppin' on down And once again you my friend Are nowhere to be found And it's so hard to do And so easy to say But sometimes Sometimes you just have to walk away Walk away And head for the door You just walk away Walk away
CSW..maybe you should avoid all relationship talks right now. She is so lost and trying to find what she wants. Maybe she feels you are pressuring her with all this talk. So she runs to avoid it. Maybe if you eased up a little she will feel more comfortable being home. I am sure in all her guilt also she doesn't want to hear you love her right now. She may not want you doing nice things. It may only make her feel worse. I would just try to occupy yourself and completely just stop worrying at all about her or where she is or anything. Just focus on you and your happiness. Be selfish for you.
This is not a criticism...just an honest question. You post quite a bit of sad poetry. The poetry is understandably the way you feel right now, I get that. What I'm wondering is this though....does posting that help you to get things off your chest and out of your system, or does it help keep your head in that space? I wonder if you were to try to post more positive poetry if it would have an affect on you and your R as well. Kind of like a self-fullfilling prophecy of sorts.
I find, for me anyway, that if I listen to sad music when I'm sad, watch a sad movie when I'm down, lock myself up in my home and stay away from people....I just get pulled down in the mire. Sure, we all need some time to have the blues (no doubt about that), but I find particularly when I'm down that it helps to conciously look towards the positive. Perhaps try to write some poetry dedicated to the positive steps you are taking in YOUR life, how you are going to be a much stronger and better person for what you are going through. Definitely spend time with your buds, do things you enjoy....don't hang around that house when you get blue...especially then, get out and do something you like.
Posting sad poetry and songs is very characteristic 4 behavior. It's hard for 4's to pull themselves out of a hole (not that csw doesn't have plenty to feel bad about). Fours don't usually distract themselves from feeling bad (unlike a 7, for example, who usually has no trouble distracting him/herself). As a 4, I find that I feel dishonest when I try to distract myself from something that is really bothering me. When the sadness is the most authentic thing going on, I can't unstick myself from it. Oh, how I wish I could!!
) I went into town and had some pizza , and went to the new retail used computer store opened by my bossman. I was thinking about a laptop, but I need to hit him up for a raise first. One of the guys at work who started 5 weeks ago said that he and another guy didn't upload ads until their third week. I will be 20 listings over quota by tomorrow, the end of my first week. I think that makes me worthy for a raise 
