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Sooprise soooprise soooprise!

Guess who is still a no show.....W

I fixed a mighty fine dinner of Red curry shrimp, and I have some tasty leftovers for lunch tomorrow on my first day of the job. W can have PBJ, cuz she ain't touching it!

Everyday, the price for readmission to my heart goes up. I am completely unwilling to sell myself short. I know I am worth more than the crap she is selling me. I know that she thinks she has me in the palm of her hand, but she is sadly mistaken.

{{{{{{****}}}}}}

You know...what she is doing is VERY rude behavior. She's not even giving you the common courtesy she'd give an acquaintance or a stranger on the street. THAT is what would piss me off, and does piss me off for you.

To me this behavior is her trying to push you to do something, trying to push you to be the bad guy and end things. If she were truly wanting to get away and do some "thinking"...she'd go somewhere for the weekend by herself, or at least for a night by herself....not to her SIL's not to the OM...but all by herself. I know you already know this...but it's really hard to do clear & objective thinking when a biased opinion is right next to you.

That shrimp dinner sounds reallllly good!


GEL

Hi, csw.

Time to invite friends and spouses over for a meal this weekend. Show off your cooking.

Invite your wife after your friends have said they will come.

Have fun!

-NOPkins-

GEL, What W is doing IS very rude behavior. I have always been very well mannered. Her father is the type who NEVER says please, thank you, or even good bye. W has some of these traits, but was somewhat polite. What she is doing now goes beyond rude. She finally showed up yesterday at 10:30, without calling. She started explaining herself, but I held up my hand and said, "W, save it. You know my number. If you chose to be this rude, I don't wish to talk to you right now. " She persisted for a while, and I went upstairs. I honestly believe she is being coached to be this rude, by her IC and OM. One of the things she said was " I don't know how long things can go on like this" I said, "I can go on like this for a long time, because I know that I am a good person living a good life" She said nothing.

This morning, I woke her up to ask her where she had my thermos mug. We bougt two for ourselves, and one for each of the groomsmen in our wedding (OM included) She has been using mine for years since I worked at home. She acted a bit gruff, either for the wake up or the use of mug, but who cares. As I was leaving, I peeked my head into her room again to say goodbye. We talked for a few minutes. She again apologized and said she never meant to hurt me. I again said that although she didn't "mean" to hurt me, she knew that her actions would devastate me, before she acted. She made a comment about my taking a yoga class "to meet women", I told her that I had no desire to meet other women, because I was married to her, and in a million years, I would never do such a thing to her. I told her that my vow to love her through sickness and health, richer and poorer, till death meant just that, and nothing would change that. Even if we are no longer together, I will save a special place in my heart for her, because I truly believe that we were soul mates.

Work went well today. It is nice because my friend who owns the business is not really "my boss". I deal with his manager, so there is no threat of bad feelings if things don't work out. I don't even see the friend in the course of the day. I was told by the manager that I was the best new hire he has ever dealt with. He said that new hires usually dont list until the fourth day, and don't even learn the software until the second day. I learned their listing process, listed 10 things today, and made several suggestions for changes in the new software that they are developing, as well as some layout changes for the new photo room thay are renovating. I impressed the manager by looking at their completed listings for the last month prior to work this morning. I did it for selfish reasons, because I wanted to know what the hot items were, to increase my chances of getting the weekly bonus. It was a good day, except for the horribly depressing country music. I like all music, but at this point in my life, I can't handle the country they were playing. It wa all I could do to avoid my thoughts, but then the singer would come on and tell about the woes of the lonely prarie, or whatever I told the manager I should have brought earplugs, and he siad "why, because of this depressing stuff?" He didn't even know about my sitch at that point. He changed the station, thankfully!

I went out for a brew with the guys after work. The big boss was there, and he was glad to hear that I did well, and said that he told the manager I was perfect for the job. He didn't like that I had changes for the softwere, since it is still in development, and the developer has stated that they bit off more than they could chew. My change should be simple, and would allow direct entry of the category numbers to link with ebay's system, as an alternative to navigating thhrough 5 or 6 click menus, way more expeditious.

I am hopeful that my homebrew get together works out this weekend. big boss is going to Florida, so he is out. I can be sure to count on one or two friends. I will invite the guys at my new job, since I have 10 gallons of homebrew to share. (hic)

I brought all of the leftovers of the tasty shrimp dinner to work today, and everyone was jealous as they ate their subs and frozen meals. It was a simple dish, as far as thai is concerned, Cauliflower, baby bok choi, thai eggplant, thai basil, mushrooms, onion, garlic, shrimp, red curry paste, and coconut milk. When W got home last night, she pulled out the leftovers and ate some. I asked why she didn't eat dinner since she said she was babysitting at SIL's. She said she had mac & cheese there. I said she was welcome to leftovers, but to keep her grubby mitts out of the dish I made for work (with all of the shrimp ) She is a fool for leaving me, and she is a fool for throwing her morals away in the process. Last night I told her that she is the one that has to live with herself and her choices, so she shouldn't waste her time explaining her choices to me.

Thanks for all of the support and well wishing for my new job. It saddens me to be working for so little cash, but I need to start somewhere, and clearly, my services will be appreciated at this job in short order.

W still manages to confuse me. I practically gave her the golden key out of our M last night. I asked her if she and OM have ML, and if they did, if they used a condom. She said she didn't want to answer that. I said that it would be in her best interest to answer it, since it may be just what she needs to do to get what she wants. She still said she didn't want to answer.

To me, it would be the deal breaker if they ML without protection. Perhaps it may be an odd place for me to draw the line, but it is drawn, in concrete. I have had experiences that don't care to rehash, and W knows enough to realize that. Not to mention the fact that W & I always used a condom!

I am confused why she chooses not to answer the question, when she knows it could eliminate my desire to save M.

I am starting to go through an anger phase. I had a thought of OM from during our so-called friendship. All of the sudden, in the middle of the benign thought, Bob Dylan's Masters of War lyrics starting coursing through my head. I was as surprised at the intense thought as Bob was when he wrote the words. I honestly don't hope that OM dies and his death'll come soon. I honestly hope he lives a long and prosperous life, for the sake of his children. But the fact is, those thoughts are starting to circulate through my head. I suppose it is yet another step towards healing and moving on. My ugly thought pales in comparison tho the ugly actions of W & OM.

csw....

This is an EXCELLENT response to your W....""I can go on like this for a long time, because I know that I am a good person living a good life"" I'm not at all suprised she couldn't say anyting back to you....she knows you are right.

Also, as far as her refusing to answer you on the ML w/a condom, while you are perfectly justified in asking her this...her telling you is a flat-out admission of a PA, something I don't think she wants to do because then she sounds like SUCH a bad person (which she already knows she is, but saying it out loud makes it that much worse). Keep asking...asking questions like that will keep how wrong what she is doing to you in the forefront, even when she's being coached. You have your reasons for asking as you mentioned...and your W knows it.

Also...her lack of response (knowing that could be her out) is yet another sign, she's not really sure she wants out.

GEL

re: the country music; do you have to answer phones or otherwise be headphone free? If you can, why not take your walkman or ipod to work with you?

CSW.....glad the job went well!!!

I think by your wife not answering it means she doesn't want it to end between you. I could be wrong. I am sure she is really confused right now. Maybe the enticing thing also about other man right now is he has kid's. Maybe your wife see's him as someone who wants children and it is a priority for him??? Not sure.

Hmmmmm maybe something else that could show her that you are moving on to changing and thinking about a better future. You got this new job which is a big change. And I know you mentioned you do want children. So why now like someone has said before start building something for that future baby you are thinking about someday. If she asks tell her in some of the changes I have made I am also thinking about my future.

That's great you are going to have a get together! I wouldn't even invite the wife. If she gets snotty or ill about it just mention you never know when she will come home anyways. That you were so elated with your new bright future your looking forward to that you thought a celebration was in order.