Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done Any hope after divorce? Part deux

Well it's me again,

I haven't went dark yet. My W came over last night to get some stuff for the kids. I suggested we take the moment to switch vehicles (she's taking mine, me our joint one). That went over okay although I could tell she really didn't want to. We talked a bit about selling cars and the house.

My s-son said he wanted me to stay over at their place and how come I couldn't stay over there sometimes. I looked at STBX and said "well, I could, but your mom would have to share her bed with me." Then winked. Don't worry, it went over fine. She smiled at that and we back and forth joked about it. S-son then asked why we couldn't all live in the house. Another tough one for my W to field.

She was really close to me around that time and I pulled her in. She didn't just angrily pull away. While talking about the "sleeping arrangements" I nibbled on her neck and ears and jokingly propositioned her. She didn't pull away even with the nibbling, although she did squirm a bit. It went okay. I made a little comment about...it being okay since we are divorced. Not a whole lot of uncomfortableness. Weird hunh? Pursuing? Yeah, it was, but last night I felt fairly free and not particularly concerned about what the repercussions would be.

I did end up getting in touch with an old friend and we ended up talking for about 3 hours on the phone. It was fun.

That's my life in a nutshell. I'm not sure I understand my life, but still just taking the ride. No more love quotes for me for awhile. My new signature is going to be about life for awhile

Me

That's the question...just what am I doing?

I signed the papers to start the D in motion in the morning and by the evening was back to acting like it never happened. I feel off my rocker.

Me

Hope,

I can empathize with your muddled feelings. I feel the same way many times.

You ever felt like this before?

Hey, Kevin, your proctologist called, they found your head!!!

Wes,

I had a thought forgive me if you've already addressed this.

Does your w need to move ahead with the D in order to pursue her dream of law school? IOW, is she dependent on some splitting up of assets in order to afford it?

Sage

Sage,

Quote:

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Does your w need to move ahead with the D in order to pursue her dream of law school? IOW, is she dependent on some splitting up of assets in order to afford it?

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Answer, she needs this for a lot of things...home, etc, but also in order to go to law school. I know what you are thinking...I already went there....I told her "you wouldn't have to give up going to law school if we were still married. I would support you going." I think I implied it would get paid for. But maybe that's not where you were coming from.

I do think that if her future and her finances were more solidified when we separated that the D would have taken longer. She would never accept me supporting her financially while we were separated. She had a hard enough time having me pay for dinner. She has pride when it comes to self-sufficiency.

Part of my hope is that by setting her free with half the savings and half the home equity that she will feel more on a footing to at least consider a R with me. Probably crazy on my part, but I in a sense think of this D as a last resort in getting her back. Crazy?

"Probably crazy on my part, but I in a sense think of this D as a last resort in getting her back. Crazy?"

Not really. Despite, WAW having moved out, filed for D and we are now D, somewhere in the back of my messed up mind, I keep thinking this is temporary. A phase. Something she had to go through to realize how important the R and M were. Crazy, like you? Probably. But something keeps up thinking this way, ourselves and are hopes at having another chance, another chance to be the partners we can be.

Think positive.

Bruce

I'll be darned! Line me up as fool number three for the group that thinks the D is necessary for the R and M to move forward...a phase, a growth period, whatever. At least I feel a little more comfortable in that I can share my ride on the "Craziest idea yet about D boat!"

I guess I belong with the fools.

I spoke to my therapist about this exact thing. People who D thier spouses to see if this is something they really want. She said it happens all the time. Kind of a test. I too think my XW is doing this to see if she wants to be with me for the rest of her life, so she had to do it. So we can better ourselves first and then see how a R will be later. It sucks, but I truly believe this is a test of our relationship.

In past discussions with the XW, she wanted to do a 2-3 year trial seperation. She has also said, We need to take this time to do things for ourselves. Which I found contradictory, since one of our biggest problems was we never spent to much time together. Less time after the D2 was born.

Wow, it appears we have a committee of fools. Or dreamers. I don't know which. Thanks all for sharing this unusual boat with me.

I've got quite a bit to update, but no time to do it. I'll just have to give a really brief summary.

Thursday--not a great deal of contact. I needed to stop by to again switch vehicles...she had promised to drive for her son's class so she needed the van again. She called fairly late and left a message for a favor...cutting this lesion off her back.

Friday..She called to see if I got her message. I told her I did and although not that comfortable with the idea, I'd try it (it's been quite a few years since I've even done minor stuff like that...not my field). I called after work and asked if she wanted to grab dinner. She readily agreed. I know...I haven't stopped initiating, but she hasn't stopped accepting.

Dinner was really nice...comfortable, friendly. After that I did the favor for her. Kind of hung out a little bit. Then she left but we talked several more times last night on the phone. I called once to see if she was feeling okay. And she called back a couple times...once right after I hung up to say "thank you for dinner and for doing that for me".

Oh, the only other thing worth mentioning was when she called Friday morning she said her aunt invited me to her house for mother's day. It's essentially most her family. When I later gave her the presents the kids had bought for her (so she could bring them to her own house)...she said "I thought you were coming over to aunt's). Wasn't sure if that was the equivalent of saying she wants me there.

Well, gotta go. Have a great weekend everyone.

Greetings,

That all sounds very good, but as they say, proceed with caution. And give consideration to the whole she wants to be friends aspect. Right now, I think she is feeling no pressure. As you said, you are asking, and she is accepting, but don't overreact or read too much into it, when the inevitable happens and she can't accept an invitation.

Stay the course, looks good. Perhaps you can enlighten the rest of us?

Bruce