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Hello Sage,

Don't go totally JJ on me! I'm not sure what is cool.

What's cool is that you're finding a way to be really empathetic to D without judgement or personalization.

And YOU'RE cool!

Sage!

Thank you Sage for the explaination.

I still hurt and I still have a lot of loss of self esteem over D leaving. I think eventually it will help to realize that is what he truly wanted all along and he didn't mean to hurt me, he really felt he loved me when he married me. The fact that I didn't turn out to be the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with doesn't take away that I have some wonderful memories of our time together and am glad I have them. If I had to chose I would chose to have the memories and the pain rather than be without either.

So restless today really, really wanting some time off from work to try and catch up on rest and stuff at the house.

I am so unproductive when I don't want to be here this strongly!

I KNOW most of what I'm feeling right now I can attribute to PMS and I will feel totally different later. But getting through this sometimes really s*cks!

Pictures of Shara herding at the Nationals have finally been posted. Now I have to decide what I want to order!

Here is the link if anyone wants to see her, she is the first dog on the page and all but the very last picture are her. Shara herding

You know I can look at what happened and come up with a gray logical reason D did some of the things he did. I suppose in some ways I might be able to do the same with J. Although it isn't as easy as she laughed in my face about it and I think D was genuinly sorry to hurt me.

So if I can logically put things in some sort of place and even understand a lot of D's actions, WHY do sometimes I still feel so terribly unhappy? Today I really just want to sit and cry and have no desire to do anything with my life. Is it all PMS or something deeper that I am missing in my thinking? I really don't know and wish I knew how to address these feelings.

Realizing I am very tired today. Believe the majority of the feelings are sadness that is there, intensified by the emotional state of PMS and being really tired on top of the emotional state of mind!

Hi Pam...(((((())))))....BIG HUG to you. Somedays just are hard to deal with arent they, when we're tired and blue and Pms'ing. I often have this visual image of myself as Linus in Peanuts (I think that's the character), sitting in a corner with my blanket sucking my thumb. except in my minds eye, I'm not only sitting in the corner with the blanket sucking my thumb, the blanket is over my head!

Take extra care of yourself today, do what you can to give yourself a warm fuzzy.

I know what you mean about the "gray" areas of life. they are a hard place to be.

I checked out Shara's pics, awesome! Shelties are one of my favorite breeds. When S and D were taking their dogs in 4H, I always wanted to bring the shelties home with us! My grandmother had one who was the coolest dog, more human than dog, actually.

Take care, and know that I am checking in on you!

Hi Sage,

Thank you for that thought, understanding doesn't automatically take the pain away, it helps.

I remember you mentioning before about "highly sensitive person". I don't however remember what you suggested reading. Do you remember and if so do you mind to tell me again?