Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE LD spouse needs help

I think we all have things we naturally enjoy and naturally seek out. For instance, I naturally enjoy and seek out chocolate and sex. OTOH, there are things we can enjoy but don't naturally seek out. For instance, I have no urge to drink or dress fashionably but if someone hands me a glass of wine or buys me a nice shirt I do enjoy it. I could become a stylishly dressed wine expert if I wanted to even though I have no compulsion in those areas and to some extent you can become more sexual by simply making lifestyle choices that promote it.

The first book I would recommend would be "How To Be a Great Lover". This is a book that strives to improve womens sex lives by teaching them the techniques that will make them feel more competent and thus more comfortable during sex. If you are more turned on by R rated movies than porn, you will probably be more turned on by romance novels than erotica. The habit of reading romance novels is the habit most strongly statistically associated with an active sex life for women. Of course, some romance novels are more about love, marriage and babies than sex. You need to get some with steamy scenes included.

If you browse back on this BB there was a thread entitled something like "Music that gets me in the mood". You could try listening to some of the selections and see if any of it works for you.

You could try redecorating your bedroom to make it more of a sensual oasis so when you walk in there it will be more likely to trigger thoughts of sex. One suggestion I read somewhere was to take a picture of you and your husband (not full body )right after you've had sex when you're all flushed and feeling loving and then have it blown-up and framed and hang it in your bedroom.

JJ, The novels won't work for MrsGGB. She skips over the steamy sections of any books she reads, and if there are too many in the book she stops reading the book.

Is it possible to plan for an evening after dinner? Can you think lounging bath and "make pretty" leaving time for the viagra for him, news, soothing time for you for mood development and scented candles and other parafanalia[sp] that it of interest to you two? Some of the gals here call it "date night" an all the young giddy things that surround it.

LostGal,

Thanks. Our date nights always abruptly end when we get home regardless of my intentions or preparation. I've tried parking to extend the time out for some necking time and what not,but she rather quickly puts the kabash on that and says not here, why don't we go home. Get home, and the mood evaporates or she gets too tired or whatever. Oh, and Viagra is the last thing I need

doglover:

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The less sex I have the less I think about it; the more I have, the more it's on my mind.

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This is exactly the way a LD would be (so this is kinda normal). For men, the less sex they have the more they will think about it. For women, the less sex they have the less they will think about it. So in effect, you LD level will INCREASE your LD. For women, literally, practice makes perfect. You want to bring down his HD, then do him everyday! At the same time, this will INCREASE your desire for sex. Did you now that women have a GREATER capacity for sex then men. You might actually get to the point where he would not be able to keep up with you! (I'd kill to have that problem). I saw something on Oprah where the women were intentionally keeping themselves LD because they were AFRAID of what they might do if they became HD. They literally did not trust themselves to handle HD the right way. And many of the women in the audience AGREED with this. As a man, I am not sure I understand FEARING HD.

As the His Needs/Her Needs workbook says, the solution to mismatched sexual desires where the women is lower is that the women must develop her OWN need for sexual fulfillment, do not concentrate on filling his!! What your husband needs is a sexually confident women, not just sex!

CeMar...

I wish you would tell my LDH this..."For men, the less sex they have the more they will think about it". You are waaaaaaaaaay off the mark on LD men with this.

GEL

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I saw something on Oprah where the women were intentionally keeping themselves LD because they were AFRAID of what they might do if they became HD. They literally did not trust themselves to handle HD the right way. And many of the women in the audience AGREED with this

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CeMar,
You have actually stumbled onto something. Here's the deal, if Mrs. CeMar actually went and got her desire going full tilt, would you be able to keep up with her? You have been going on and on about how you want your W to be as HD as you are, but again, Ce, are you sure that's what you want? Are you ready to be a completely changed man, not because you're getting nooky (that's the easy part), but because you have reached real intimacy with Mrs. CeMar? Any body can boink away, but it takes a real man or woman to surrender to the emotional nakedness that is intimacy.

GEL:
These are really not even my own thoughts, they come from that christian website the "Marriage Bed". I should have indicated that it was for the normal situation where the Man is HD and the women is LD. I really, really feel for yiou HD ladies because you are out of the norm. SSM's have to be dominated by the HD man LD women scenario.

You got that right GEL...the rest of CM's post isnt bad tho.

CM, I' don't think we are out of the norm. I think we are not represented by Hollywood, no movies about the gal cept school teachers and pedifilia and the new cougar concept, anyhow that's realitively recent. What LDH would have the cojones to admit it?

Our earlier days of Puritianism indicated that women did not enjoy intercourse, it was for procreation only. That ideal, still prevelant in some societies, lingers to labeling the girl as being a "bad girl" or worse unless she is married. This tends to silence her. I am told by attorneys that in the realm of sexual differences, the filing is 50/50 for who is LD and who isnt.