Wow! Can't believe how long since my last post things have been so crazy with the last days of my job (yesterday) that I haven't even had time to lurk until last night. I have today and tomorrow off and start my new job on Monday.
The ending has been good -- I've been amazed at how supportive people have been and also how open folks on my team have been about missing me. What's weird is that I'm completely calm about leaving -- I have never in my life been this calm about a transition -- so either it's that I think that this is absolutely the right thing to do or I've numbed myself somehow! They're throwing a party for me this afternoon so my goal is to not get teary!!!
Things at home are good. I seem to be off my selfish nitpicky cycle so that's a good thing! I'm sure h appreciates it. Next time around (if there is one) I'm going to try to figure out what (if anything) precipitates it...and what makes it go away. Good solution based detective am I!!!
I'll probably still be scarce for the next few weeks -- trying to adjust to the new work schedule!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Congratulations on the last day of the old chapter and the anticipation of starting a new one! You seem to be very much appreciated by your colleagues and valued a heck of a lot. That they are so supportive and happy for you speaks volumes for you.
I do wonder what triggered your suspicion, etc. - is it a new environment for your H - one in which he could be attracting the attention of successful, smart women, or, simply, making new friends? I know that I am often nervous and overly watchful when S. is in a new situation with new people that I'm not a part of. I've been guilty of this even when he goes to do a make-up shift at the coop (new people, new opportunities to meet attractive people with similar interests...)! Embarrassing to say, but it is a trigger for those of us who have been the victims of infidelity.
But it's great that it seems to be in remission. Best of luck to you as you forge ahead with your new job!
Hey, I was on page two!!! I can't remember the last time I was on page two in Piecing!
So, I started my new job this week -- it was very good, but stressful -- lots of new information and new personalities and new culture to grab hold of. It's amazing to me how much calmer I am about this sort of insecure time now, though (much more so than I would have been years ago). I'm not sure if it's the DB'ing or the meditation or just getting older or the other work that I've done but whenever I faced a scary sitch this week I was really calm about it and thought "Look, I've succeeded at this kind of stuff before...I'll just be myself".
I'm just not sure how much time I'm going to get online. I can't access the BB from work and the day is long. I'm trying to get about 20 mins in the AM to be on the computer but it just doesn't feel like enough time to contribute. I may have to pick a thread a day to follow . I think it will get easier as I get more used to my schedule and get a bit more organized.
Things at home are good. H has been unbelievably supportive of the new job and all that goes with it. He's doing great at work too. I have noticed that I get tense when I first get home from work but that's actually nothing new. I think it's because we're on two different frequencies when I arrive -- I'm just walking in the door and want 10 minutes to just decompress and be quiet together (or alone) and he's been home for an hour already and has already relaxed and he's peppy and jumping around and all. I may need to just retreat for a few minutes when I first get home (though I don't want to give the impression that I"m not happy to see him) or even pull over for five minutes or so on the way home to just really relax and meditate.
I'm reading a pretty good book that I'd recommend -- it's supportive and reminiscent of DB'ing (he even mentions Michele) -- it's called "All you need is love and other lies about marriage" by Jacobs. If I get a chance I'll post some notes from it but a couple of things that he does a great job with are the notion that one partner changing (US!) can make a huge difference in the M and also lots of thoughts about showing appreciation for your partner's efforts. I think it's a nice supplement to DR.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Thanks for the reading reference. We're always looking for something new to read!
I'm glad things are going so well for you on the new job. I think the reason you are calmer is a combination of all three. You are wiser, more mature, more accepting of yourself and others.
It is good that you recognize you're own need to decompress when you get home. I don't think H would take it badly if you just told him straight out, "H, I don't want you to think I don't want to be around you or that I'm upset with you when I get home from work. I just need a few minutes to unwind and debrief for the day, so I'm going to go hang out on the deck by myself for a few minutes." Or something to to that effect. If anything, he might even appreciate it. Use Martian language. He'll understand.
Congratulations on the new job; they're fortunate to get you. I love reading about you and your H; you're such an inspiration.
After reading your recommendation for All YOu Need is Love and Other Lies, I had to check it out and have now ordered it. Thanks for the recommendation.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. C. S. Lewis
Thanks for the visits ladies! I can't believe how little time I have to be on the BB of late...still about 15 minutes in the AM to cover all of my online needs Just enough time to skim a bunch of threads....goodness help me if I actually want to try to respond!
I'm not sure when it will get easier...maybe as the job settles in a bit...or when I get more organized. I'm still lurking, though.
The job is going well. I'm learning a lot and that will continue for the forseeable future. Amazingly, I rarely think of my "old" job.
Things at home are great. h has continued to be amazingly supportive. Last weekend h was sick which always tests my DB mettle...and then he was hyper critical for a few days (while I was hyper sensitive!). We got thru it fine, though and now we're back in a very positive state. Got to spend a lot of time together this long weekend which was definitely nice.
Started listening to "men are from mars" again last week. It just settles my mind so much and reminds me that backing off from h (in terms of nudginess, etc) is always a good thing. I need that book tatooed on my butt.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Started listening to "men are from mars" again last week. It just settles my mind so much and reminds me that backing off from h (in terms of nudginess, etc) is always a good thing. I need that book tatooed on my butt.
Sage
Wouldn't it be better on your brain??????
Thank you Ms. Sage rough morning and appreciate the laugh and the good sounds here on your thread.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
things have been so crazy with the last days of my job (yesterday) that I haven't even had time to lurk until last night. I have today and tomorrow off and start my new job on Monday.
They're throwing a party for me this afternoon so my goal is to not get teary!!!
Next time around (if there is one) I'm going to try to figure out what (if anything) precipitates it...and what makes it go away. Good solution based detective am I!!!