Thanks y'all for responding. When he said to me it would be done by time I got home, I told him I needed to be there for the closure for myself. She was in an animal body bag in a box in the garage since thursday night. I needed to be there. We didn't say much after that.
When I got home I saw the mound of dirt and knew he had gone ahead with HIS plan. I asked him questions about it all and he told me that he had put her favorite toys in the ground with her. I told him that I really needed the closure and that I was upset with him that he did that without me being there. He said he knew that and he was sorry. I am not mad, have not been mean to him, but damn how much more open and honest can I be? There have been alot of things we have never talked about. I think it might be time to bring that stuff up once the shock of being without Nikki subsides. Nikki was more my companion around the house, she was with me more. Anyway, its done with now. Thanks for all the responses, it makes me look at things from different view points.
I'm so sorry for your loss. The thought that occurred to me was that maybe he was afraid that you would be thinking critical thoughts about the way he was performing the task and he didn't want to be distracted by that. I'm not saying that you are critical but maybe he sees you that way.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: I think those of you who are cutting him some slack about making it easier on annette are being too kind. Sure he's feeling bad, but did he give a thought to what her preference might be? Yeahm she could have said something, but he could have asked, too.
goes back to what she asked us about...whether they had a "communication issue" or not....yes.
GEL, yes, I meant to add your very words to the end of that post, namely, that there clearly is a communication issue. I think the reason I didn't is just as I was getting ready to type the words, I had the thought: when there are hurt feelings, when isn't it a communication issue? and I was suddenly struck by a huge sense of emotional weariness.... It just shouldn't have to be THIS much work all the time. When do we just rest and enjoy? (rhetorical question- please don't answer)
I can certainly understand. And as either you or someone else mentioned during times of grief like this things do often tend to become more difficult, ufortunately. Feelings are raw and people grieve in their own manners...that in itself can make things that much more difficult.
I thought about my post after I wrote it too...and hoped it didn't sound callouse, because it certainly wasn't intended that way...it was merely written in a hurried manner. I remember how painful the loss of a beloved pet is...I still grieve for one I lost 8 years ago, Bengal (my kitty) was very special to me and I still miss him.
If you had already told him that you needed to be there for closure, then you can disregard everything I said. I very much understand how he might want to be alone, but if you had specifically said that you wanted to be there, he was wrong.
Thank you, yes I had told him. He disregarded it totally. I am letting it drop for now. We have alot going on, on top of Nikki leaving us, but I will address it soon, probably next week. This is just par for the course for us. We have terrible communication on anything outside of the normal day routine. I can see there is no way things will get better without addressing that. We don't really argue, fight or anything like that. I am not miserable, but I am not very happy either. That has to change. I don't think he is all that happy either. So I can see in the very near future some hefty discussions.
I was all set to have some pretty good discussions with H this weekend about some things and once again it got put off because H was sick
He was really sick, that could not be mistaken, he was coughing and throwing vicks on his chest and nose all weekend, so I let it go again. Is there EVER a good time to discuss things? I am beginning to believe there isn't. It seems there is always something getting in the way. He works Wed and Fri nights and early Sat I am leaving for 6 days to dog shows with a GF. Anyway is anyone else ever up against this? Never seems to be a good time to discuss things. Let me know. Thanks Annette
