Quote: You might think that I am crazy but I feel that I need a lot of help right now.
Crazy is not asking for help when you need it. There's nothing crazy about needing help.
Quote: Then, H said that he knows that we are married if he likes it or not.....Now we are here and on Friday night he wrote me that card on how he loves me. WTF??? ...
He confuses me, that's for sure. Do you get the sense that he's genuinely conflicted, or that he's jerking you around? Either way, I think space is the key here. For him (if he's confused) but mainly for you. Remove yourself from the chaos.
From the DB Power Thread on LRT... " It's when you can use the "dark" times to work on yourself, and take a much needed break from the chaos. When you can re-center yourself UPON yourself, and not them or your relationship with them. It's when you are able to quit "reacting" to everything your partner does, or doesn't say or do. You begin taking the actions required to make your life situations better for YOU."
Quote: I couldn't help it...I know I started crying...how awful of me...
I know we're supposed to be detached from these hurtful things, but it doesn't seem awful of you to cry when you were so hurt. It's awful that he hurt you like that. And that's why you need to start protecting yourself through detachment and going dark. You need to restrict his access to you (and to your precious heart)
Quote: I am wondering if he doesn't want a divorce because he doesn't want to pay child support or maybe he never wants to marry again.
Who knows? Probably not even him. Don't worry about what he wants. Concentrate on what you want. What he wants will change with the wind.
Quote: I also am thinking that he might just have fallen out of love with me and says he doesn't want to fight because of what we had...not what we will have ever again.
Doesn't want to fight? The man who called you a c--- for telling him about his daughter's medical emergency? I think he doesn't want YOU to fight HIM, but he'll swing all he wants. Just act as if you are in complete agreement, because I know you don't want to fight either.
Quote: his car broke down awhile ago and he might just need me for my credit so that he can get a new one.
Until he's committed to you, I wouldn't get into ANY financial entanglements!
Quote: don't be afraid to say something that will hurt me...I am already hurt!
Now who would want to hurt you more? We all want you to stop feeling such hurt.
I worry about you, Blonde. You have such vulnerability. I think you need to go out and buy yourself a Supergirl nightie (trust me on this one). And buy "Mama Gena's Marriage Manual". Bring some energy and confidence into your world, because you deserve it.
Anna...you made me cry or I should say tear. You make me feel so good and you have great insight on things. I want to detach and go dark I want him to be able to miss me but I am so afraid....sounds corny huh! You are a sweetheart and I wish I could give you a hug for all of your support. Thank you so much...I really have been focusing more on me and of course Hannah(D1)and I am noticing that when I speak to him that is when I get disappointed.
I'm glad I could help. I'm happy that focusing on Hannah helps and think that you should go have a tickle-fest with her right now!!
Of course you're afraid of going dark. I know I am, and haven't been able to do it yet. I keep trying. I'm glad I never took up smoking, because I sure don't have much willpower.
But maybe you should be more afraid of the slings and arrows he keeps sending your way.
That's a lot of stuff you're going through and that sucks. In my previous position with my company, I dealt with people and their credit history every day. You can't imagine the stories I've heard about people's credit getting all screwed up.
In my opinion, DON'T DO IT!! Let's say you guys don't get back together. You will need all the financial positives you can get. The last thing you need is an Auto Chargeoff or a Repo on your Credit Bureau.
I know you're at your lows right now but you have all of us a click away.
More Drama.... H came over last night to see Hannah. We were getting along okay because I left to get my nails and feet done....Relax... When I came back I was confronted with detailed information about the H and OW are really involved. He doesn't like to speak to me much but he calls and texts her constantly. I feel so destroyed...why does he say that he loves me and is so into her. I was willing to give 110% into resolving things but I can't when he give 10% to me and 90% to her. I guess that he goes and hangs out with her and her three kids. Of course he is mad and rude to me because I know so much...but you run into people all over the place that know people. I will never understand how he can leave our beautiful daughter to be involved with OW three kids more. I am devasted today...I didn't want to know more....I did but didn't! I wanted to believe that he was slowing things down with OW to work on our marriage. I have slept about 15 minutes and am just Yuck today. I guess that I need to go dark and that is the last resort. I am a great person and I don't deserve to be tossed around. I am crying and can barely do anything. Why am I so vulnerable to everything he says. I don't know how to break free....I am so scared!
I'm sorry you're feeling yuck today. I know how your are feeling. I'm going dark with H right now and I admit it is kinda scary but also at the same time I feel like now I've gotten back some control of me.
I too felt vulnerable and believed everything H told me and got burned so many times. I think H has noticed that I'm no longer reaching out to him.
Hang in there...I know this is a difficult time. If you feel that you need to go dark, then maybe you should. I'll check on you later in the day.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Hey...it's okay to feeling yuck today...everyone has their yuck days. When you hear things...let it go in one ear and out the other. Do not even let the stuff you hear linger in your ear...not even for one second. Respond with a yes, no, uh-huh, and then dismiss it. Really don't give it a second thought. Even if it's something positive, take it with a pinch of salt. Do not totally believe it until you know for sure 100% that it is true. SEE it, and not be contented with just hearing it.
Focus on yourself! Feel good about yourself. KEY THING...don't listen to H!!! Hope it will work for you...
Things are weird. I went to niece's graduation from high school last night with D1 and stepson. H went with us and then left early to go to his softball game. He always tries to start to argue....I really didn't let him. Then he called me this morning and asked if something was going on with me and my babysitters son. Inside I was laughing....he is fu*king someone else and wants to know if I hav3 gone out with a man....WTF! H said that he doesn't want me to do that. He said that he is trying to stop seeing OW but its hard....I told him its called cold turkey....there is no trying. I told me that I want to be married but I am not going to fight him with it....if he wants to be with the OW and end our marriage I will do that. I will not take this...I feel like I am going crazy!
