Hello Everyone.... I wanted to say hello and tell everyone that I have been thinking about all of you. I am sorry that I haven't posted in awhile...things have just been crazy. I think that I had my last kidney procedure yesterday....Yeah! My computer at home is crazy so I can't get online from there so its weird without all of you.
H and I were getting along for a few days and then BANG! evertyhing went back to him wanting to argue although he says that he doesn't want to. Today he told me that for sure we are over and he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He will not let me pick up my Stepson today...so I guess that is my punishment. We actually were getting along great...he even came over a few days in a row. Then we started talking about the OW and he said that he hasn't stopped seeing her....it hurt me because we had been intimate again...I thought things were going in a good direction....I know....NO EXPECTATIONS! My birthday in on the eleventh and I hate that we aren't together for it. I think that he is serious about it being over this time. He called me so many names I could barely breathe when we got off the phone because I started crying. I don't know what is going on but I feel that whenever something is wrong with me then he starts being mean.....maybe I am wrong but thats what I felt today. I will be in touch soon. You are all in my prayers...if you have any suggestions for me I would appreciate them.
Does it really have to be over or is he just mad? Yikes
Does it really mean it is over...I cant answer that, but what I will tell you is that H and I have had our share of brawls during our sitch (never fought before our sitch) and alot of times he yelled and screamed and told me it was over and you know what, he is still here. So let H cool down for a bit...But you do have to decide what you want. I have that struggle everyday. Do I want to stay in a marriage with H cheating on me??? Heck no...But I do want the chance to fix things without OW. We all do. I dont have any answers for you, heck I am not sure what I want, but you are all in my thoughts as well. I havent posted much either. Taking a break, trying to sort things through. Keep your chin up...Glad that things went ok with your procedure...That is what is important.
I feel like my life is in shambles. I keep detaching and I know that he see it because he text messaged me that ..."You forgot to tell me that you love me" and he told his sister that when I took D1 to him that I never initiate a hug or anything. Here is the big thing...
Things have been really weird lately and H doesn't want to tell me anything about what he does and that' okay. I have cut back on my phone calls but last night at 1130p my daughter was choking...I called 911 because I was scared...I then called H when everything was taken care of because I was so nervous and freaked out. When he finally answered he said "Whats wrong psycho" and I told him that I wanted to tell him about D1 and he told me that he was sleeping and didn't feel good....I told him that I was calling because I was freaked out and he said good night C*^t. I just wanted to tell him what happened I wasn't trying to check up on him. Today I feel like s*!t. I don't know what caused all of this. I don't know where to go from here. I am confused and so sad and MAD! I was just trying to infom him. What should I do now....just not talk to him at all. He must really hate me if all of this happened. I am so frusterated and sad..please help!
What a horrible thing to say to you! I can't believe he'd say something so ugly when you were just telling him about D's crisis. Which I'm thrilled to know ended well. I can understand why those words would make you feel like sh%t, but wow - those words say everything about him, and nothing about you.
It sounds like he's getting angry at your detachment - which means it's impacting him. Which is a good thing, even if the outcome is ugly.
But at the risk of being negative, it sounds like this man is verbally abusive to you. Is that something you want your D to grow up seeing in her home? I'm sorry to sound judgemental, but I've read the background of your sitch and feel like someone with your heart deserves so much better.
Anna, Thank you for yuor response. It makes me feel better. I don't understand why he is being like this...our marriage was never like this....we actually never fought. I don't deserve this and my D1 doesn't deserve to be around an enviroment like that. What to do next...its so confusing!
That's true - I still smile at myself when I remember the night shortly after Bomb#1 when I was lying in bed fretting about what I could do to "make" him love me and suddenly H said "You'll never win that way". I couldn't believe he knew all the stuff I was thinking, and that he was so cold to write me off so harshly. I started to cry and asked him what he meant. He woke up with a start and after being disoriented, said that he had been solving logic puzzles in his sleep. This 9-square math puzzle that he'd never win with the strategy he was using.
Sleep is a very weird place to have a conversation.
If he was sleeping and thinking thoughts like that I would have to say that he has some sick dreams. He still hasn't called this morning to see how she is doing. I have never had feelings like I do today towards his behavior even when he sleeps with another woman. I have much frusteration. I believe that he was sleeping but I think that he woke up and then answered the phone. I am not calling him today and I guess that he isn't calling me. THis is a sad day!
Quote: I told him that I was calling because I was freaked out and he said good night C*^t.
Well Michelle,
I think you can guess where I come down on this. You all know in detail all the things my WAW has done to me and D13, lies, cheating, irresponsibilities, etc. Even I wouldn't drop a "C" bomb on her either to her face or to anyone else.
I don't know you're living or financial situations, etc. but I do know that You've got your kid and your medical issues...and you don't need sh** like that. I tend to think 'Do you want to fight for someone like that? I'm sorry to be negative but damn...
Mish, reach out if you need to...I'm thinking of you.
BlondieQT, please really consider that what happened was that he was alseep, you called him and woke him up, but his speech strongly suggests that though he was awoken enough to physically grab the phone, he hadn't fully transitioned from sleep to consciousness. He has no awareness that he spoke to you last night. Trust me this is a strong possibility from the sounds of it, I've had it happen to me. Call him. See if he remembers or not.
