This is short and sweet but...Just keep doing what you are doing. It sounds to me like you are not showing emotion when he's talking ot you or he's at the house. That is what you need to do. Hang in there girly!! I've got to put my teaching hat on now...
Well, its another bad day. I hate going through all of this. H called and was very rude. Then he told me that he drove down to the beach last night instead of going to the race and didnt get back to his sisters until midnight. (First of all I didnt need to know any of that...and second of all I had a weird feeling that he was out doing something wrong last night) I hat women that want to be with married men. Ahhhhhh! I cant evn type right now....I will try later
Here is another thought. I have decided that when H isnt around we dont argue about anything. I have stopped blaming him for things but lately he is blaming me for stuip little things.....we had to talk with the child support office regarding my stepson....and that was my fault. I feel that he likes arguing and I cant take it anymore. What is going on with me....I love him but I am starting to hate him....I dont want to!
Ouch! I saw a hot Momma....J/K...Totally Just Kidding! I think that I just want to be happy and all of this sh*t....just brings me down! I want to enjoy life again!
I dont think that anyone reads my thread anymore...but at least it allows me to vent. Things have still been really hard for me. My mother is giving me a really hard time about H. I ended up leaving for the weekend again...went to Palm Springs....had an enjoyable weekend...I went with my cousin and her two kids. It was fun. D1 and I had fun playing in the pool and all of us went around in the golf cart through the golf course. H called me at about 3pm yesterday and wanted to know if I wanted to go to his sisters house for dinner. I told him that I was still in Palm Springs....he seemed dissapointed but got over it soon. I wanted so badly to go but I was happy I was two hours away. :-) Last night we argued a little...well he did...I refuse to. H likes to blame me when things go wrong in his life. Well, I have decided that I will not allow him to see or talk to OW if we wre to ever work things out. I dont think it will happen. This will not be a choice for him it is a must. I havent told him yet nor do I plan on it unless we are willing to work on our marriage again. I am so confused, hurt and mad. What should I do now....is anyone out there?
Speaking for myself, it's difficult to keep posting my mantra over and over again. "Detach, GAL, build PMA, don't dwell on negative thoughts, look at outcomes and results not signs and indications, don't revisit past events and pain again, don't hold grudges, consider the OP to not exist, don't snoop, let go, WASs do what WASs do, focus on yourself the WAS is not your whole life, be lovingly indifferent, act as if you've been given a second chance, zero expectations, plan your life as if WAS will not be a part of it, this takes lots of time and patience..."
But what can you do? I read posts, not necessarily yours, where angry thoughts are entertained, backsliding occurs, lots of venting is needed, analyzing is overdone, frustration is built, victimization sets in, assumptions are made... and there's always the disclaimer "I know it's not DB, I know I shouldn't be doing this, I know I shouldn't have" and the even worse cop out, "I couldn't help myself". Oy.
We all need to have our butts kicked to stay on the path and not even let our little toe cross off of it. Another member just gave up the ghost because of his mounting frustration and anger... and that's the danger... we end up where we're going. It's his decision and so I'm not knocking it, I respect it, but don't we see people deliver ultimatums and close doors and/or make things more difficult and painful for themselves because they're run out of patience or have built frustration and don't they get there - because they haven't let go of the things that lead them there, duh?
So, with that in mind, BlondeQT, what do you think you need to do to get closer to what you want?
I am sorry...I read your posts...Sometimes I dont always answer other peoples post because I dont think I have that much to add. So sorry you felt neglected.
I've always believed that my H would not come to me and say the actual words "I want to work this out" I figured I had to read his actions, so the same goes for you. But in my case his actions (living at home) would tell me h e is trying, but in the same respect never ending contact with OW tells me he doesnt want to work it out. So what actions has your H shown you. Never mind his words. Because they say one thing and do another. Of course for any marriage to work out, the OP has to be out of the picture...That is a given. It is funny how our H's cant see that...They figure because they have this OP hanging in the backround, they can fall back on that at any time...OF course that is complete bull. But how do you say that without demanding, or trying to force your view on someone else or seem like you are begging and pleading. If you have the answer for that one I sure would like to hear it. Sometimes I feel like a fool, living with H knowing that OW is in pic.
You did well by not fighting with H even tho he was trying to fight. I have become better at that trait as well. Its a hard trait to master, not letting someone suck you into their anger. So wtg on that one!
I cant post too much right now, so please forgive me, but I will definately post tonight
You know I read it diligently girl! BTW I'm pretty sure that the member NY is referring to is me, but you probably knew that.
Just a quick aside...While I say I'm done, what I mean is I am not going to hold out any hope anymore. If down the road, she comes to her senses and reaches out, I won't slam the door in her face but I'm also not going to be there with open arms.
QT, I think you are on the right track, if what you are doing feels good, do it. You deserve better. You don't deserve to have to deal with a man who wants to do things with you while keeping his Other Woman also.
Even though my mind is f'd up right now, I'm always here for you. You know you have several options if you want to reach out to me...
H called me last yesterday with OW on the line and advised me that he wants a divorce and if OW wanted him he wanted her too. Everything was fine until he explained to her that we had been intimate. She hung up on him and told him it was over. He called her 30 times while I was on the phone with OW because she called me. He really is in love with her and now he hates me because supposedly I ruined their relationship by forcing him to be intimate with me. I never forced him....it was there for the both of us. I think that she will forgive him and I dont want that. I dont want them together....It will probably happen but I wish it wasnt over with us. I am hurting so much.
