Take care of yourself first. Your health comes first.
I wouldn't iniate contact with H. If he calls be as friendly as you can. I know he said some ugly stuff. We have all had our hearts broken by cruel words from our Hs. Just remember to not believe most of what he says. I know that is hard when you are hearing it.
Now is the time to DB, girl. If he says sometimes he wants to come home. It is probably those times that you are friendly that he is remembering and that is making him think about being home. He is confused. You unfortunately have to do all the work. Work hard on your PMA, detaching, and being friendly when you do see or talk to him.
I wouldnt say ignore him today, dont initiate contact. If he contacts you be friendly but detached. He should contact you because you were having a health crisis...
Take care of yourself for you and your daughter. Right now your daughter is your shining star and what you need to be healthy for. Dont forget what is important. Unfortunately H has for right now, but you be the rock that supports your family. You can do it...I used to think I couldnt do it, but ya know what? I am doing it! I do what I have to do and when I am not focusing on the sitch I am calmer and enjoy my daughter!
Well, I came home from work today and started picking up before I picked up D1 from daycare because I was home early because I had a doctors appointment.....and guess who showed up at the house....Yes! it was H. We ended up going to lunch...it was a little weird because I kinda felt like he wasn't my hubby because it was a little weird. We came home and H played with D1 and we got along great...I didnt bring up anything about OW(although I saw sex marks on his arm...I know because she told me that she like to mark him so I know she was there...Dumb). H brought up OW before he was leaving....he said that he is still confused and he wants to be home but its hard...hard to give her up. I was so proud of myself...I said in a nice voice that he has to make up his own mind on what he wants...and I can't make it up for him. He said that he is really trying. I know down deep in my heart that IF she was out of the picture we would be fine. We didn't argue once and about twenty minutes after he left he called and let me know that it was so nice getting along all day. I hope that this DB is working....lol! I am going to try and stay strong but as you all know...We hate sharing our spouses....especially with this OW!
I forgot to tell you one more thing. When H and I were talking about things. We did agree that if it does come down to one day getting together we must move forward and stop looking back. I feel that would be very helpful. Today was a wonderful day and we were even playful...I just hated when it was time for him to leave...but then I thought that at least I had this wonderful time with him and was thankful for that. Thanks for all of your support!
At the risk of being out of line...why do you talk to the OW? Do you call her? If she calls you, hang up! If the Dirtball my W is running with called me and somehow mentioned that he liked to leave marks on her during sex, I might be staring down 25 years to life! I'm exagerrating of course but seriously, I wouldn't put up with that sh**. I have no intentions of ever speaking to this guy if I can help it.
I know down deep in my heart that IF she was out of the picture we would be fine.
Doubt it. I doubt it because the OW is not the problem, right? The problem is the relationship you had with H, and so those are the issues that need to be resolved.
There are plenty of WASs who don't reconcile even after their A is over. In the meantime, the OW may be just the thing that hastens the end of their relationship, especially if you start to become the better option.
That's what I'm aiming for right now. Let HER destroy their "R", not me. Last time he ended it "for me" and it didn't stick. I'm looking at it that I want to become the OW. Let her become needy and clingy (H is not furthering their R beyond the grade 8/hookup to make out at lunch stage) and push for commitment. I will be the place where he seeks relief from pressure. Before, I was the pressure.
And sadly, OW is not the cause of our troubles, she is the symptom. Getting rid of her would be like putting a bandaid on a tumour.
Okay...I see what you are all saying but I don't know what was wrong in our relationship except maybe it got boring because we were working to live instead of working to go on trips and so on....I did ask H at one point what he felt was wrong in our R and he said that nothing was wrong except that I always let me do what he wanted...Well, I can't get mean now. i trusted him with all of my heart so I let him go out and do things because I didn't think anything. I wanted him to be a Husband and be able to hang with the GUYS if he wanted to. We had a great sex life...not boring(he says so too) I do think that part of it is the sneaking around it's fun....gives him a high. I really don't know how I can fix that unless he comes home.
D.... I haven't spoken to the OW purposely....the other day I was waiting for my doctors to call and I answered the (private) number....it was her. I should have hung up but I had such a wonderful weekend with H when I saw him that I was extremely suprised that he was with her on Sunday.
I want to move forward and I want him to stop but not for me...I want him to stop because he is ready..that is why I am not pressuring him as hard as it is. Believe me...if he was to come home I would not want him to go back to her...so of course I want it now but I am using my patience...well trying...lol! If we do get back together I want it to be for the both of us.
Yeah, hang up on her next time (excuse yourself graciously). You've got better things to do than to talk to her. You're bigger than her. You are a way better person than her. Don't give her the satisfaction of getting any attention from you. I'm sorry but I feel very strong about this...
Don't talk to ow. First of all, you don't know how honest she will be. She doesn't deserve your time or energy. Take the focus off of her. You can't reach your goals if you talk to her or think about her.
Just keep DBing. Your H notices when things are going well. That is what will bring him back home. You detaching, GAL, and being nice to him.
