Hello Everyone.... Sorry I haven't been around lately. I have been having a crazy and strange time lately. On May 5th was H birthday and I offered to bring D1 to him so that he could see her.(His car broke down) He said no because he had his softball game and things going on....then I came to find out that he saw OW in the morning and she gave him hickeys(?) all over his neck and he didnt want me to see him. H tried to say that they didnt have sex but they had met up for a few minutes...(What a great few minutes) Then that night before his game he let her take him to dinner. I wanted to do something for his birthday with him. I saw him the next day after all of this and I acted fine but my heart was destroyed. A lot has happend since then but thats how it started. I did see H this weekend because our niece had her prom and wanted me to come over and help her get ready. We got along okay...I just have a lot of thoughts in the back of my head. I spoke to H yesterday morning and then I didnt call him all day long so he kept calling me...like 5 times but I did not answer(I actually didnt hear the phone ring) I called him back later before D1 went to bed because he wanted to talk to her. Then at about 1130pm last night my cell phone rang and it was H he called to let me know that he misses me and that he loves me. I said thank you and told him that I love him...but that I need to get back to sleep. I dont know if he was having a moment or what....I dont know how to act now....My life is so confusing...My heart is like a sponge anymore...I absorb the hurt and would love to absorb the love. What should I do....H is coming over tonight to see D1....please respond....It been hard without you all!
My suggestion is to "act as if" you are okay even though you are hurting inside. Be nice, friendly. Treat him like a friend. He is confused right now, that is why he is going back and forth --seeing ow, calling you, saying IMY, ILY. You have to be happy around him, be the better option. You have been doing somethings right or he wouldn't be calling you 5 times in one day.
Try not to have expectations. I am finding when I am calm, loving, and kind with my H, he mellows out.
My life has changed already. Found out H was with OW and her three kids yesterday. I guess that I now should realize why he missed em and loves me....GUILT! H doesnt believe me that OW called to let me know....I dont know how to prove it...and I guess that I shouldnt. What should I do now....this really needs to stop! I am destroyed again....I thought that he was working on us.....I am so Fuc*n stupid!
I've never replied to you before, but I've followed your story and I'll tell you right now, you are definitely not a stupid person! Don't let this poison your PMA. It's painful but not a reflection of you WHO are.
Don't prove anything. It won't help and H will deny it.
Calm down. Now is the time to focus on YOU and your D1. What will make you happy? What can you do to change your focus from H to YOU? That is what has helped me tremendously is not focusing on H. I push thoughts out of my head and don't dwell on them. It won't help. GAL and detach, you have to for your sanity. Your focusing on your pain which is normal. I have been there. Try to pull yourself out of there. Do something fun, anything that can take your mind off things.
You are not stupid!!! Most of us have been in your shoes. Our Hs have lied, snuck around, etc. It is what they do. Right now, they are aliens. To survive, we have to detach and GAL. It does help. Each day to a little and it will get easier.
Hey, BlondeQT - you are NOT stupid! You are a committed wife and lover who thought this meant forever. I don't have any wise words or perspectives for you - just hugs and a heartfelt "I know how you feel and I pray you see that you'll get through it."
QT, you are doing what is right. You are trying to save your M. and that is right. Everyone asks me why I would want to stay w/ someone who has left me for another W and while I am pregnant w/ a baby who has a heart defect. I simply say that if my M ends at least I can say that I gave it my all and made myself better in the process. So don't give up until you feel that you tried your best.
I want to thank all of you for being supportive. I had a rough night but this morning I found out that the marks on my kidney are not cancer so thats an uplift....I realy have been going through a lot. H was rude last night and called me a lot of names even though he knew I was wooried about my health. Today H is cold but told me that he wants to come home sometimes but its hard....Not letting him bug me today...just living for my health and D1. Should I just ignore H today?
I am so thrilled to hear your good health news! Puts WAS petty bullsh@t in perspective, eh!!
I don't know about ignoring him. I would say that go with whatever gives your heart the most peace. If ignoring him makes you feel better and means you won't have any poison exchanges, than that's what you should do. But if you'd like to attempt a positive connection, then I say do that. Just don't let either get you down!
Anna is right, just go by what you feel is the best for you. Since you health is in question then you need to have some peace today. That's what I try for. Since my baby is sick, I try to relax for her sake. It's soo hard to do that. It's easier said than done.
