A formidable and courageous general, Pyrrus was enlisted by the Greek cities of southern Italy to counter the increasingly powerful Romans. In 279 BC, his invading Greek forces met and defeated the Romans at the battle of Asculum in Apulia.
The engagement was costly, however: Pyrrhus lost many men, several close associates, and all of his baggage. When one of his soldiers congratulated the king on his victory, he famously replied: "Another such victory and we are ruined!"
A Pyrrhic victory is an "excessively expensive triumph."
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Love is a choice. Your feelings will ebb and flow.
I've heard that before. Logically, there are a million reasons to choose to love her...then why am I motivated not to?
Quote:
Be careful of how much stock you put into believing the latest (fad) info on codependency. Some codependency is not only normal in a marriage, it is also healthy.
I actually "get" that. Sad but true, I might never achieve complete, independent, inner peace and harmony. Maybe that's the key to this whole thing. I'm resent myself for my occasional inability to stand on my own emotional legs which in turn is reflected back on me by her presence. This really makes sense when I think about the times I love her more being just after I assert myself. I used to think that "asserting myself" was essentially "getting something off my chest", but in reality, the subsequent effect of it might be due to the self-love that comes immediately after. There's alot to explore here. Especially if she is functioning in a similar way. Do I resent the person or do I resent the fact that I "need" this person? It goes both ways.
Quote:
Are there times when you do have strong feelings for her?
It usually happens when I'm feeling really good about myself first. Followed by her doing certain behaviors and displaying certain attitudes. I try to ask her for more of this without saying "why" I need it. It would freak her out to know that my love isn't "unconditional".
Quote:
Pyrrhic Victory
This will be a good one to use at work. I'm not exactly thinking in terms of win/lose...I'm taking all this more as a "journey". At any rate, all my options are Pyrrhic Victories and it's simply a matter of figuring out which direction I really want to go.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
quote: ------------------- Quote: ------------- Love is a choice. Your feelings will ebb and flow. -------------
I've heard that before. Logically, there are a million reasons to choose to love her...then why am I motivated not to? -------------------
You make choices because they are the right thing to do, not because they feel a certain way.
If I feel I should beat the next door neighbor senseless because he likes to use a leaf blower at 6am on a Sunday morning, then I choose NOT to do it, I have made the right choice.
You choose to love your spouse or your kids because they are your wife and kids, not because they made you feel like the first time rush of some illicit drug. You do it because it is the right thing to do.
You still deal with negative issues between you and wife and/or kids, but you choose to do that in an upright, forthright manner because it is the right thing to do.
You don't dump them just because they are not making you feel good.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I do notice that when I was scheming and conniving to get my W to F me, I put her on a kind of weird pedestal sexually. I neglected any blemish on her. Now that we are more intimate, I am not so "hot" for her, though I love her more. I love that fact that we can fight again. We can be sarcastic and darn near hurtful and, instead of it spiralling into uncontrollble anger, we burst out laughing.
I still get hurt when she rebuffs me in bed, but I don't let it ruin my day. And I don't retaliate. But if she burns the spaghetti again, I'll let her have it, and that will be OK.
I know your comment on "not having strong feelings" was speculative, but it sounds kind of sad. I think the folks have got it right who said that you take the good with the bad. Something could happen Wednesday that will reaffirm for your just how strong those hidden reserve feelings are.
First, hi, nice to see you, and really nice to hear that things are going well for you.
Second, thanks for this post. In the place I am, it's so hard to imagine that two people could actually complain about things to each other, even get angry at each other without things breaking down completely.
At times I find myself dreaming about the impossibly fused fantasy, feeling it's seduction, and disgusted by it at the same time...it's really really nice to hear that in the 'real world' the fact that things go bad at times makes the good all that much nicer.
Quote: JJ, the smarty pants poster. 1.adj. Pyr·rhic (pir'ik), of, pertaining to, or resembling Pyrrhus, king of Epirus, or his costly victory. 2.n.an ancient Greek warlike dance in which the motions of actual warfare were imitated. –adj.of, pertaining to, or denoting this dance. 3. adj. consisting of two short or unaccented syllables.
It's good I have a Websters dictionary.
OG lou
Lou,
I had a great history teacher in college, who loved to say 'The most intellegent people don't necessarily know everything - but they know where to look.'
Quote: 'The most intellegent people don't necessarily know everything - but they know where to look.'
My moto precisely.
When I worked in a auto repair shop people would call asking for some technical data. I would say "let me look in the book" to which they would say " you are a mechanic, you should know that stuff!" My reply was good mechanics read and know where to find things. There is too much to know and remember. One must continue to read and learn.
I just said "smarty pants poster" to kid JJ. I do admier people that have a good memory. I never read much other than repair manuals so I was never exposed to many of the words I recognize now until I went to college when I was around 45. Don't ask about spelling prior to college.
eye R A gud spel R now cum pared to wat eye UUs 2 be. eye hav a bumpar stikr that says I R a col ege grad u wat.
I remember when things were working between my husband and me, we resovolved issues with play. I would be standing at the sink washing dishes and he would pretend to reach for something and bump into me, and I would sock him in the arm playfully, and we would play back and forth and start laughing.
These days we seem to avoid conflict and I can feel that it is not healthy.
I agree with taking a break from working on the marriage. I think that is the direction I may need to take for now. To stop analyzing what would be good/bad divorcebusting and just focus on myself for awhile.
des
Arguing with reality is like trying to teach a cat to bark—hopeless. (Byron Katie)
