Hi all! What a nice way to wake up this morning, with lots of well wishing messages.
Quote: What does a straight thinking Honeypot sound like?
Hell if I know, Casey! LOLOL
Quote: Perhaps it was God's way of getting you to pay attention to the non-sexual parts of your relationship or something
This is H's theory. In fact, he posited this question to me: What is the purpose of this trial in our lives, do you think? I replied, with a good deal of trepidation, the following: For my end, I think it is to learn how to relate in a kind and loving way, despite the fact that my numero uno need is going unmet, for an indefinite period of time. For your end, H, I think it is so that you can learn how to dig deep and discover that sexy guy within you, without relying on ME to always extract him out. Since I'm out of commission, you are left to deal with your own horniness by yourself and figure out what to do with it and how you want to be.
I was nervous as allgetout because of these last sentences. My H likes to hear more cerebral reasons and lofty theological ideas about trials from God--not that God wants him to get his mojo back. So I was VERY surprised, nay shocked, when he wrote back and said, That's amazing! I think your analysis is right on the money.
Cemar, My H's drive runs about twice a week. The extra one is for me, his sweetiepot and the funny thing with him is that lotsa sex usually results in him wanting it every day. He is very cyclical..if we are having tons of sex, he wants tons of sex. But the first day we take off, he's less horny the next day. And even less horny the day after that, until pretty soon it is a physical urge that he ignores quite easily. I have no doubt that, for him, the desire to get close to ME is what drives him to pursue sex and not so much any physical longing. That is secondary.
As far as him being HD, yeah, I think he would be the HD partner with a different wife. He still would not act like a 'typical' HD guy does...grabby, gropey, making comments, suggesting sex, THINKING about sex, etc. His actions are more along the LD side of the behavior continuum, although he has changed a lot in this regard. I'd say he is currently moving towards the Ultra Polite HD Fella side of the spectrum. Think of the way you acted on your first date with your wife, provided that you were a gentlemen LOL, and that is how he is all the time with me. I can see the desire in him but he is very hesitant to do anything with it, unless I 'go first' and give the green light. He has told me numerous times that if I'd turn him down and make it less available that he'd have more of a natural hunger for it, but I so far haven't figured out an authentic way to go about that.
Anyway, thanks all for the well wishes. I am anxious to get the surgery underway and get this over with. The infection is way up in my body..there are no signs on the actual squeezy bits (that's for you, HD:) so surgery it is. I am anxious to be cleared for active duty (LOL) but I gotta tell you folks that I am also skeered to death that it will come right back. H asked last night if we'd get started on the One Night On, One Night Off program as soon as I'm healthy and I jokingly told him that after 4 months of illness I think it should be One Night On, One Night On, repeat, haha. My mother had a terrible time with an infection in her body, after her last child, and had to have a hysterectomy (at age 23, no less). So I am thankful that technology has advanced to the point that I can have a relatively minor procedure done and accomplish the same thing. The doc did mention that I would most probably be permanently infertile after having this done. So it looks like H will be stuck with 4 women running his life for the rest of his days. Ah well, there are worse fates to befall a man, right.
Oh and Lassie, that was a hilarious story about your wee lad. I was crackin up. Now the fun really starts huh. For a while we had to put up the baby gate in the door of D5's room so that she would stop with the midnight rendezvous as well. We kept the door open but the gate up and she'd stand there and say, Lemme OUT.........lol. Btw, when did he turn two? I am used to him being one or 18 mos!
Actually he's not two...just getting closer and closer...he's actually 21 mo now. I think we are going to put a gate up across his door as well. At least that will limit his wandering throughout the house...although at least last night he came directly to our room and didn't wander (I could hear him), but I'm sure that wouldn't continue the same way for long LOL.
We're also going to go ahead and put his bed down w/the rail so if we put the gate up in his room and his bed is accessible hopefully he'll start climbing back in it.
I really don't mind him climbing in with us every now and then, just don't want to make a habit of it. It was really sweet though...he kept rolling over to get kisses from me throughout the night. Mom was getting lots of loving, just not from Dad last night LOL.
Oh man, I loooove it when my kids sleep with me. They are so cuddly and lovey. I can't tolerate it for more than one night, say, cause H and I are both light sleepers and are awake the entire time they're there, but still it's nice..
In the mornings, D2 will come in and sleep with me til the rest of the house wakes up and it is so sweet, there really are no words for it. She scoots over until her forehead is touching my own and lays there and sucks her thumb and clutches her blanket. It is pray-shus, as my southern grandma would say.
Thank God for my kids. If I didn't have them to cuddle and love on, I think I woulda withered a loong time ago!
Oh yeah, I love that cuddle time with him. He grabs my hand and pulls it over to make sure I'm hugging him when he snuggles (like I wouldn't do that anyway LOL). He also likes to do the forehead to forehead thing.
I don't have a Southern Grandma...but Ian does LOL. MY IL's are from GA, born and raised!
So sorry about your surgery. That is just TOO much after all you have been through. Will you have to wean with the hosptalization and all? I am starting to work on weaning DD11mos - slowly. We are contemplating #4 and with the recent improvements in the R I am feeling heartened about it. I would love it if H started showing regular, active interest like Mr. HP - still, H is always more interested if we have been having lots of sex - if we skip a couple of days it is all down hill.
Karen, That sounds so familiar. We cannot skip a few days or he slides back into Asexual Land and it's then up to me to drag him back to the land of the living. I hate this dynamic. I'm hoping that it's gone by the time I'm healthy!
I cannot nurse her on the day of the surgery and will have to pump and dump for 24 hrs. After that, I will supposedly be able to nurse her for the additional 48 hrs I will be there, hooked up to IV. So it looks like hubby will have to take several vacation days just to be there to hand me our baby every couple hrs. He is not thrilled with this prop, of course, so I am trying to think of other people that would be able to do this but I'm coming up short. Plus, they would inevitably get on my nerves as I sat there, doing nothing but waiting to get out. I detest hospitals, as it is. H is being unusually uninterested in this entire thing. He keeps assuring me that he was "callous" but is sorry for it and will try to be more interested tonight. Hmph, says I.
I am most worried about the baby and the impact all this will have on her. I hate that I have spent 4 of her 6 months ill and with a lessened milk supply, due to a constant flow of antibiotics. POOR baby!
Quote: H is being unusually uninterested in this entire thing. He keeps assuring me that he was "callous" but is sorry for it and will try to be more interested tonight.
My guess is that HoneyH is FAR from callous! I'll bet he's terrified out of his wits!! His way of dealing with it is not to burden you with his fears and probably not even to admit them too much to himself. He probably feels that he needs to be the Strong Man and not show fear. From what you've told me about him he is absolutely besotted with you and your kids and the idea of being without you for even a couple of days while some stranger does mean things to you is almost more than he can bear. He can't help but imagine (as one does at a time like this) what it might possibly be like if you were gone, and I'll bet he is beside himself with worry that he feels he cannot show or share.
My prayers will be for you and a full recovery from this "Mother of All Infections." I do think -- for whatever reason -- this might be happening for a REASON, and that your marriage and your R will be the better for it.
Not to go all relgion-y on you, but thought you might enjoy these lyrics from one of my favorite songs. (You know me, always the LYRICS guy). Anyway, it's gotten me through a lot of "why me? why THIS??" times in my life.
BIIIIG hugs to you,
Chocolateeyes
"Higher Ways" Steven Curtis Chapman
If I could only fly I'd go up and look down from the sky So I could see the bigger picture And Lord if I could sit with You At Your feet for an hour or two I'm sure I'd ask too many questions 'Cause there's so much going on down here That I must confess I just don't understand
BRIDGE But I have prayed And at your feet my whole life has been laid So I wont worry I wont be afraid 'Cause my soul is resting on Your higher ways Let the road ahead become unclear I am Yours so what have I to fear If my soul is resting on Your higher ways
CHORUS Your higher ways teach me to trust You Your higher ways are not like mine Your higher ways are the ways of the Father Hiding His children in His love
BRIDGE So let it rain And if my eyes grow dim with tears of pain This hope I have will not be washed away 'Cause my soul is resting on Your higher ways
Maybe then You will take me aside And show me the bigger picture But until I'm with You I'll be here with a heart that is true And a soul that's resting on Your higher ways
Lil, Are you a 7 in disguise?? Hee hee...I thought the 7's were the eternal optimists.
I think he is worried and concerned but, at the moment, he has a stomach virus that is causing him to feel queasy all the time. He says he was so wrapped up in his own discomfort that he couldn't take the time to read the pamphlet, as I asked him to. However, we went for a bike ride as a family last night and we both voted in our local elections. So it didn't stop him from participating in LIFE, just the stuff he didn't want to deal with, at the time. I am mildly irritated about it, but truly nothing big. I told him that I was irritated and the reasons why and I intend on letting it drop. He has apologized so what else can he do? I was surprised, given his level of besottedness (you are too funny), at his non-reaction but then again he is a BFB when he is sick. (big fat baby:)
I do think he worries more than he lets on. I am, by nature, a stoic person and do very little complaining. In fact, I have complained more on this bb by FAR than I have in real life re: this infection. So I think he mistakes my stoic persona for nonchalance and he takes his cue from me--as we all know--as far as how HE acts. I did ask him to read the pamphlet, and that was sorta "big" for me to even ask for that. I am trying to ask for things and keep expectations low. I would like to do as Corri suggested to me eons ago and ditch the expectations altogether but I'm clearly not there yet. When I asked him to read it, I fully expected that he would do so, stomachache or not. I expected that he would show a level of interest in the outcome and resolution of this long and ongoing crap sandwich.
Oh well, as I said, he apologized this morning for his lack of interest and promised to read it tonight. I do believe he is sorry for being callous and I know that he will not leave my side until I am safe and sound. That is, if his wittle tummy is not stricken with another buggy wuggy. LOL
and the idea of being without you for even a couple of days while some stranger does mean things to you is almost more than he can bear. He can't help but imagine (as one does at a time like this) what it might possibly be like if you were gone, and I'll bet he is beside himself with worry that he feels he cannot show or share.