Yes, I did not want to mention it at all, esp. with everybody being Catholic on this BB - EPC's wouldn't exactly go down well. But I felt I had to otherwise people wouldn't understand why I got upset when H mentioned my sister's baby.
Yes, you're right. I need to forgive myself. I haven't yet. I still feel masses of guilt over what happened. I should have left it, it might have been okay. H has been through all of this and forgiven himself; as a woman I have not got to that stage yet.
No one apart from another woman can understand the ecstasy of pregnancy. I felt at my most sensual and creative at these times. My children are my greatest works of art.
Yes, H has forgiven me. He let go of the whole nasty event a long time ago and bears no grudges. He says our baby is in the afterlife, waiting to greet us when we die and that maybe it's purpose was not to live here physically anyway. He's very philosophical. I wish I could be more like that, but I was the one who had to sign the consent form... It was like signing an execution order.
Re 'birds and bees' convo - I was terrified! I kept laughing as well because I was so embarrassed. I did tell her that sex is meant for when you're in love and you should hopefully be married, as I wanted it to be more about love and R's than about physical actions.
Her response did make me laugh On the one hand, she says she's NEVER having sex, on the other hand she tells me she wants a DD called Amy
Help!!! - she's named my grandchild already and I'm only 27!
You sound like me in terms of your wants for a family. I wanted 6, H nearly had a cardiac arrest, lol He happily agreed to 3 and then later said yes to our 4th but said she is our definate last...then all that stuff happened.
I never had to 'try' - I get pg first time, straight away. H is always making jokes about how he only has to look at me so he never got the 'try, try again' opportunity
Now he's like completely paranoid with the contraception as he knows how fertile I am. I sometimes laugh and think to myself, next he will be ML with me in full body riot gear!
Hey, you never know, if you get back with W, she will be in the 'I'm so in love' phase again so you could try and persuade her to 'practice' then
Ha! Yep, there are a lot of us Catholics on the BB, aren't there. Know that not judging others is HUGE in this faith, as in many others. I've learned, and S5 has picked up on his own a a big theme lately, that forgiveness is another important ability - both for self and others. How can we accept God's forgiveness if we fail to provide it to self or others? W was taught to harbor the mistakes of others. Literally, for the past 5 years, W has kept a list of my sins or mistakes in our R by/on her nightstand, and books focusing on my mistakes. MIL and FIL do not speak to any of their siblings due to such grudge-holding. Anyway, S5 and I have talked several times about forgiving "7 times 70 times" because he is stuck on W not forgiving me (this must come from their convos, b/c I don't bring it up).
S5 has shown me a few of his erections, as these surprise him. A good friend at work told me how his 4yo woke him up last weekend pointing his little erection at his dad's face, waking him up excitedly, "Dad, look!" Kind a surprising thing to see at first light, no? This must be the male version of what you'll go thru, over and over and over!
Your description of H's fears mirror my W's. I pictured him wearing a full body condom (like in the 80s movie "Naked Gun"). She would literally act like I was about to burn her with hot oil when I climaxed, trying to jump off. We did try for some time to conceive using NFP, but it didn't work. That was fun! Then, when we stopped trying (literally the next day or so), it happened (I think she relaxed).
My 2 year old dd did a similar thing the other day. I was getting her clothes in the morning after she had just got out of the bath, and she shouted 'Look Mummy, I've got a hole!' I looked round and she was sitting there, peering in between her legs! Well, I started laughing so she got all self-conscious and stormed off in a huff and I had to go and apologise (she's in that 'terrible 2's' phase)
I have not spoken to him since as it was only yesterday. I did talk to a friend at length and she agrees with me. Her mother was addicted to morphine so she had to restrict her contact too.
She's wiccan so she invited me round to cast a circle and pray about it. Probably won't work but at least it's doing something rather than nothing
H did send me my work emails today (he designed my website so all the enquiries route through his computer and he forwards them to me) - he normally isn't terribly prompt so I take that as a good sign.
I will see him again on Friday and don't intend to contact him again before that.
I have chucked out the leather boots with holes in the soles (about time too) and replaced them with these rather hippy shoes with big blue flowers on, which should be to his liking (they are to mine, too) and I got this black gypsy skirt which looks rather witchy that is right up his street, in fact, my friend was obsessing over it too as she's wiccan and said she will have to borrow it!
The nurse from the fertility unit rang me and she sounded so pleased to hear from me. She said they just can't find donors and there are these 2 infertile women who have been on a waiting list for a year...then I called.
I have to go in for HIV/Hep B tests and STI tests and after they are all clear (which they will be) I have to wait until I am having a period and then go to the clinic for some injections (ouch!) and some kind of internal (ouch even more!) and then 2 weeks after the needles I go back again and they do a minor operation to remove the eggs from my ovaries.
Apparently they will take 12 eggs and give 6 to one woman and another 6 to the other woman.
I am so excited I can bearly sit still I managed to take a horrible sitch and turn it into something nice
Hopefully my H will not be annoyed when I see him, about yesterday's interactions.
Quote: H did send me my work emails today (he designed my website so all the enquiries route through his computer and he forwards them to me) - he normally isn't terribly prompt so I take that as a good sign.
I will see him again on Friday and don't intend to contact him again before that.
You do such a nice job of not pursuing. I'm learning a lot from you. He seems to be pulled toward you so strongly by that. Any lessons learned you can share with the rest of us on this?
In my sitch, I'm 'gray' or as you might say, 'grey' - not contacting W unless as a response to a communication by her. She's slowed that down, so I'm keeping quiet as well.
It took me a LONG time to learn not to pursue. In the end, it got to the point where I realised that he would only upset me or not give me the response I wanted so I decided then and there not to contact him unless it was essential to do so (i.e, work or kids) - and my work I can do on my own aside from the web and asking him to forward my emails etc.
These days I don't even ask him that - he usually forwards them without being asked, although sometimes a bit late.
Ocassionally he will apologise for not sending them earlier, and I've had a kiss on the email 3 times now. Other times he doesn't put a kiss.
I often wonder why I get a kiss on some days and not others. Blokes are a total mystery
Lessons learned? Okay..
1. If you're always there and always in touch, you are not interesting and your partner can take you for granted and learn how NOT to respect you.
2. If you know your partner wants space etc and you and phoning up, you are going to get a negative response. I learnt not to call because I love myself too and didn't want to be upset for the rest of my day.
3. If there's something that needs saying, unless it is urgent it can be put off until you see them in person, that way you're not pursuing all the time.
4. Having less contact means when he says 'what have you been up to?' I've actually got new stuff to tell him - it keeps me exciting for him.
5. If he does something I find upsetting or treats me in a way I don't like, I can have a few days to myself to cool down and so can he. It allows clearer perspective on the sitch, which then doesn't seem as bad.
6. When he does something great I reward him with my company, time, love etc and on the times I distance myself, he knows it's because I'm not happy with a certain thing - so, if you like I am REWARDING GOOD BEHAVIOUR with love and TOTALLY IGNORING bad behaviour.
If I ignore the bad behaviour for long enough, he usually tries a different way of communicating. It's a bit like with a toddler - they will throw a hissy fit to get your attention but if you distract them or ignore them they usually stop.
Sometimes (like last week) he has come to me because he had time to think about the sitch and his role in it. He wouldn't have done that if I'd been on the phone, trying to state my case like flogging a dead horse.
Lastly, if it's not positive, don't say it. I sometimes fail at this, but I try my hardest with it.
If it's liable to hurt the other person or make them angry, there's no point.
It doesn't matter who is right or wrong.
What is more important, being 'right' or getting what you need? For me, I decided that I would rather not 'win' the arguments because 'winning' him and having my H and kids is more important. Sometimes I know I am right, but as long as I know for myself, I don't have to prove that. Harmony is more important than point scoring.
I've gone on a bit, but these are my feelings around how I manage my sitch.
Because he designed the site and people make email enquiries through that site which is registered to his computer.
There is a programme you can get which would automatically route the emails to mine, which he says he will download onto my computer, but he hasn't done it yet (I secretly think he wants to forward my emails ).
I shall have to ask him again, and keep reminding him gently.
In fact, my whole website is in the process of being taken off line as it needs updating big time.
It was like signing an execution order.
On the one hand, she says she's NEVER having sex, on the other hand she tells me she wants a DD called Amy 
Kind a surprising thing to see at first light, no? This must be the male version of what you'll go thru, over and over and over! 
).