Lots of nice positives in your sitch! I'm glad its turned around again. Its good to see you happy! I am taking tons of inspiration from your DBing and will be attempting to move heaven and earth to have such gains in mine.
I'll be onto your sitch in a bit. H is due here in an hour (2 hours given his punctuality) and I have some housework to catch up on first, so I'll check out your posts after that
I think he does love me, yes. I took him off my msn after that R talk and took his jewellery off me and I think he got the message a little.
I've decided to act 'grey' when we don't see each other, i.e only essential contact about children or work and no chit chat. Then when he sees me, plenty of chit chat, me looking gorgeous and acting like the last of the red hot lovers.
This is what brought him round unannounced the other night so it might work.
H got here (yes, late again ) with DD1. DD4 had trashed the house with all her toys and said 'Daddy, I've trashed the house!' to which we both laughed. She's only 2 and comes out with really funny stuff sometimes.
They couldn't stop long as he'd left dd's 2 and 3 with ex-OW as her dd17 yrs was out so she couldn't babysit. Ex-OW was apparently annoyed because he is taking advantage and he said fair enough because it isn't her role anymore. She wanted to go out with bf so she asked him not to leave them with her very long, and hence I only got about 45 minutes with them.
I don't know why he didn't bring dd's 2 and 3 with him. But never mind.
DD1 gave me my work post - only 2 cheques This is dire. Thank goodness for direct payments or I wouldn't manage.
H looked at my printer as it went wrong again and has discovered the cause of the problem - DD4 had put chocolate buttons down it!
He couldn't get the chocolate buttons out so he said he'd take it to his house and fix it over the weekend.
We talked about the TV shoot an my work and the financial problems and I let him read this letter that one of my clients wrote to me from the US.
We had coffee and talked about the client. DD1 asked me what all the boxes were in the hall; I told her they are shelving units.
H said he'd got a second-hand Dyson vaccum cleaner and I said thank heaven's it's not like your old one as that was really heavy and I kept bashing my leg on it by accident. He said 'you've never vaccumed my house' I said 'Yes I have.' and reminded him all the times I used to clean and cook and load his tumble drier at his house and how I looked after the kids while he was at the dentist having a tooth taken out.
He couldn't remember any of it! He said he remembered having the tooth taken out, but didn't remember that it was me who looked after them. I always did when we dated the first time around.
He grinned at me and said I have a photographic memory, and then said they'd have to go because EX-OW was pi**ed off at being used as a babysitter in her circumstances.
DD4 shouted 'I love you!' at me as she was leaving, so I shouted 'I love you!' back at them and blew them a kiss.
So far so good - hopefully he will get the chocolate out of my printer
You and H are in a good trust-building place, it seems - with H able to tell you about going over to X-OWs instead of trying to hide it. Sounds like there is some financial pressure that I hope lightens at least a bit soon. Yet even there I'm not picking up any bickering about it; instead the two of you seem to be sharing info and supporting one another on your career pursuits. These are big positives!
I wouldn't push too hard about him remembering your AOS like vacuming. You know you did and that's what matters. Pressing for some acknowledgement might backfire.
Quote: DD4 shouted 'I love you!' at me as she was leaving, so I shouted 'I love you!' back at them and blew them a kiss.
. This was great to see. I'm confident that your girls are so ready to love and be loved by you! By the way, I'm confused by your DD numbering system. Is "DD1" the oldest, and so on? [Just a though: most of us on this BB use D then age to allow others to better pick up/advise on developmentally approp. themes or issues, as this would differ from oldest to youngest. Like a 12yo D would be "D12." ]
Ex-OW sleeps in his cellar, Gabriel, with her bf aged 24.
She moved from Ipswich (5 hours away) to be with my H, then after 6 months he told her he didn't love her and just wanted to be friends, but she'd given up her house for him so she was then homeless.
He needed a nanny and housekeeper and she needed a roof over her head so he let her convert his cellar into a bedroom and lets her bf stay there in exchange for cleaning and babysitting. She is on a list waiting to move back to Ipswich and my H will be moving himself; we have discussed it and plan to move together if our R works out.
I know there is nothing going on as Ex-OW was crying on the phone to me when he told her he didn't love her and after she found out he'd been to me, she didn't want him anyway.
She came to my house and told me personally that they are only friends. I have spoken to her bf 24 also and my kids talk about him all the time. In the house there are my 3 kids, EX-OW and bf in the cellar, ex-ow's dd aged 17 yrs, and ex-ow's ds, aged 14 yrs, so it's a bit like living on a commune.
H has asked me over there so that him, me, ex-ow and her bf can hang out together and have beer and watch dvd's but I said no because I am shy of ex-ow and her bf.
I don't mind her at all, I actually quite like the woman despite her previous involvement with my H. She's really quite a lonely person and some of her interests are similar to mine so when I've spoken to her, I have found it difficult to dislike her.
She wants to become proper friends with me and wanted to invite me to Ipswich when she goes, but I wasn't sure if I ought to so I emailed her and said I'll think about it.
H tells me she is upset with me because I was luke warm about being her friend so I reckon maybe I will email her and apologise. She's quite sensitive. It's just unusual because most ex-ow's wouldn't want to be friend's with the W. She has always said since she broke up with him that it's a shame we couldn't have met in different circumstances as she really likes me. Against my better judgement, the feeling is mutual.
She feels really annoyed though and used like a servant and isn't so thrilled with the free rent for housework arrangement. She has been telling him to deal with it more and more as it really isn't her business anymore.
He's been talking about charging her a rent instead until she gets her new place, but I reckon that's a bit cheeky since she's in the cellar!
Oh well, our unorthodox sitch will sort itself eventually. I must say, I don't know how it is she gets these young men. She's 46 and her bf is 24, which is only a year older than her oldest son!
Yes we do support each other in our career. H has always been very supportive of my work (apart from when we first split up and we disagreed over who would claim the business).
It's one of the things he likes about me the most, because he says I'm clever and talented etc, which is really nice to hear, especially post-D
Re the housework remark, I kinda said it in a jokey way. Wasn't really expecting acknowledgement.
Yes, I number my dd's differently. When I came on here, I didn't check to see how others do it so I didn't change it afterwards as I'd already posted like that.
I put them as DD's 1, 2, 3 and 4 (as in daughters number 1, 2, 3 and 4).
Daughter 1, who was born first, is obviously oldest at 9 yrs of age. Daughter 2 is aged 7 yrs, Daughter 3 is aged 5 yrs and Daughter 4 (who lives with me) is aged 2 yrs.
I understand the Ex-OW arrangements now. I'd be hesitant about a friendship with the OP as well. Just complicates things unnecessarily, and there are many other fish in the sea for friendships for both OW and you. You're not obliged to serve her needs, Ioavva.
Thank you for reminding me of your Ds' ages. That is busy! You posted elsewhere that they tend to idolize you a bit since you are the non-custodial parent. I find S5 doing that with me as well, and think it also has to do with our being the same gender. I 'get' him better than W does at some times/on some issues because of it, I think.
Yes I know having a friendship with ex-ow would be complicated. That's why I've resisted her so far. She thinks I was 'snotty' with her when I said I'd think about it.
H treated her really badly and used her etc because he couldn't handle the kids on his own and I feel for her in that respect; I would hate to be her, plus she has built up R's with my dd's and has asked me if she might still see Alicia (my 2 yr old dd) when she moves back to Ipswich.
She has known my dd from the age of 19 months, and as a non-custodial parent I know it hurts to be separated from people you love, so I told her she could still visit Alicia if she wants.
I'd just rather that we didn't have to be all buddy buddy. I mean, I don't mind the odd email, but anything other than that seems weird.
Yes my children are busy work at that age and I've had dd4 (2 yr old) from when I was pregnant, on my own as a single mother.
My H home educates the others, which is hard work, and I used to educate them 3 days a week until after the trial. It was fun.
I haven't started doing it again yet but I did do that art with them the other day.
I wanted 6 kids but H said we could have 4 and no more than that
This is dire. Thank goodness for direct payments or I wouldn't manage.