I am holding out until summer. I have already told him I will not do this then. I can't. I know that is not good DBing. But, I have to do what is best for me.
I am trying to prepare myself for the possibility of being alone. I think he may feel that. I really don't know for sure. I do know that I pull back a little each day. I also realize I may not feel the same way when/if he comes and tells me it is finally over. I have told him that before (how my feelings for him are changing and how it may be too late if he prolongs this too long).
I guess the major thing holding me here is God and the kids. I really feel like this is what God wants me to do. It has made my walk with him so much stronger. I also want to hang in there as long as I can for the kids. Things are sooo much better right now. He is different. He is better with the kids and with me. I do see things changing. I think I need to wait a little longer. Patience, patience, patience.
Quote: I guess in my head I can't actively rebuild until I know it is completely over with ow.
I guess the question is what are you rebuilding? YOUR life, with or without H right. Try not to focus on the R for now, I know it is hard but you need to focus on you. What does Sherry want? What can Sherry do that will make Sherry happy? Your happiness can not depend upon your H's decision or his moods. Take it one babystep at a time, do not put a time limit on it. I am guessing that you are doing that to make yourself feel like you are standing up for yourself....ask yourself the age old question: Do you wnat to be right or do you want to be happy???
Quote: Things are sooo much better right now. He is different. He is better with the kids and with me. I do see things changing. I think I need to wait a little longer. Patience, patience, patience.
Baby steps, you will be ok. Your M will be ok. Stop all R talks, be positive and upbeat around your H, do a 180...eating dinner w/o him! GAL!
Funny that you mentioned eating dinner without H. I did that twice last week and H menitoned it on Saturday morning.
Oh, believe me, I am not focusing too much on H right now. I am working on me. It just feels like H is trying and it is hard for me to get into what he is doing. I feel myself pulling back. For example, I usually make a point to say goodbye and get a hug from H every morning. Here lately I have not been doing that. I just yell bye as we leave. Today I just left. He poked his head out the door and said Bye this time.
Quote: do not put a time limit on it. I am guessing that you are doing that to make yourself feel like you are standing up for yourself....ask yourself the age old question: Do you wnat to be right or do you want to be happy???
My time limit is for me. I know I cannot spend my summer (we both won't be working) worrying about H and what he is doing. I know me and I will worry. I can't live like that anymore. That is why I forced the issue in the first place. I need to move on one way or the other. So... the time limit is so I can eventually be happy.
Just a little update----Yesterday through email (he emailed first) I told H I was going to the store after work and asked if he needed anything and told him I was going to Willies to get margurita (bad day at work). So he called on the way home and asked where I was. I told him I had just pulled in at the store. He said you going to eat. I said I don't know. He said it was a good idea he would meet me there. So I am at the store . S wanders away (which he never does) I look for him and he comes back with 2 balls. (now I am thinking this is something H would do, the old H anyway). Sure enough, I find H lurking around a corner, smiling. It was nice that he joined us. He used to things like that all the time, surprise me with just showing up out of the blue.
I know you're trying to not get too enthusiastic or have any expectations, so I'll do it for you!
I think that's so cute how your H popped up out of nowhere! Looking a little bit like the old H, right? He's trying, Sherry. That's a wonderful baby step!
Patience, patience, patience. I have to tell myself the same exact thing everyday, and hopefully someday I'll be able to see my H trying more, but right now I know it has to be me.
You're doing so well. Keep it going, Sherry. You and many others here give me a little more hope with each passing day.
JV
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
Yes, I really see H trying. Today he sent me a message asking me if I wanted to chat. We have never done this. So, I said yes and we only chatted for a minute but it was nice. Then he called to see what I was doing after school.
Now, everything isn't wonderful all the time, but it is improving. H did get in a mood last night. When I asked what was wrong he just said I don't know. I just left him alone. When he came to bed, he seemed a tad better. He was doing small talk and tweaking my nose. So... I cuddled up and he let me Then... Not quite where we were before bomb (or even close) but it was an improvement.
Don't worry D, I still have no expectations and know things can change for the worse. I am detached, more so than before.
Then... 