I gave H an ultimatum. I know that is not good DBing but I had to do it for me.
He left on Monday. Called Tuesday wanting to come home. I asked why, he said he felt like home is where he needed to be. I told him that you know what I expect (ending it with ow). He said yes he just didn't know how or if he could do it quickly.
So... here I am. I know when he ends it there will be a grieving time for him.
Today I feel numb. I have been at this for 4 months now and feel drained. This is what I wanted. But, now I am not sure of how much more I can handle. Sometimes, moving on seems like it would be easier than waiting for him to end it and then the grieving and then the rebuilding of our M.
Is this normal????? I am crazy for these feelings????
You are so normal..At four months my H came home..It wasn't time but we are all different. He didn't end it with other woman..Just saw this as an oppurtinuty to see what it was like back at home..He ended it in a way but told her he would "try" coming home..In his mind, he wasn't ready, and neither was I..
Anyway, as I said they are ALL different. It is so great your H wants to come home. As for the OW thing, yeah, he will be grieving. Don't put a lot of pressure on him. Listen, validate, and go punch your pillow if you have to. Just question him too much..I KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS!
As for you being ready? I know, it's such a hard call. In your heart, you will know. It is easier moving on and not dealing with this rollercoaster.. But, in the end, it will all be worth it!
My sitch is somewhat similar-
H- just turned 40 Me - 36 Two kids S - 9 D - 7 Dropped the bomb 9/04 Came back xmas and beginning of Feb.
Now my H is like the walking dead..Always in a fog..Yet, he is seeing the kids more and more. As for me, I have been keeping my guard up. He makes little innuendos about wanting to come home, go away together, etc..But I need for him to show me that he wants to, not just talk about it. But that's just me..
Be happy, Sherry..Most of the people on these BB's would be so excited to have this opportunity given to you. See the good in your situation, but I know how hard it is. Praise yourself for doing such a great job DBing..
You are right about so many people here would want there Hs back and at least willing to try and end R with ow.
I just want it now. I have to be patient.
The kids are gone with the grandparents until Saturday. We went out to eat and looking at bikes. We had a nice time. A lot of playing around and laughing, which is good.
I still am numb, trying not to show it to H. I am still not sure how long to allow him to end things. I really can't handle more of the same (him being at home and continuing R with ow).
Sherry---Be patient, if your goal is still to have a loving M with your H, and I am pretty sure it is, you have to be patient.
I know you've read my thread, H moved out for 2.5 months and continues his internet affair with ow...does it suck, absolutely. Your H is confused and it hurts, I know that, but look back at your R before the bomb, is that what you want now. ow was/is not the match, she is the fire. IOW, she did not cause the breakdown of your marriage, she resulted from it.
You have made lots of progress...remember you can only control and change you. Give him space, and in the meantime use that space to work on you. Remember our motto.."you will make it, with or without H!"
By the way, read Sage's threads and read what she has posted to JVKB...she gives awesome advice and is a great success story. Very inspirational!
I just have this knot in my stomach and I can't seem to get rid of it.
I will try to be patient. I just feel empty right now. I have been DBing for 4 months and it is sooo draining. The reason I forced the issue with H was because I couldn't do it anymore. I was losing the will to fight and getting resentful.
I guess I am also scared he won't end it with ow and I will be back to square one. Sometimes, it just seems easier to move on.
I am trying to get out of this funk but it has been hard to shake. On top of that his parents are bringing the kids back on Sat and staying with us. Then we get to go have Easter with his family. I am not looking forward to that.
1. NO more R talks!!!! 2. Be patient, very, very patient 3. Continue 180's 4. Have fun with H (laugh, be silly, play--like we used to before having kids) 5. Continue GAL 6. Notice and praise H for baby steps (he actually told me it would take baby steps from him--he has frequently thrown DB jargon at me and I know he has not read it. LOL) 7. Keep going to gym
