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H told me earlier today that he might drive to Oregon tomorrow to give his car back to the original owner (a co-worker). H was making payments on it. H said he's giving it back because it IS a constant reminder of the A (OW has been in it).

H also said he's leaving for AZ in a couple of days. He will be gone for at least a week, possibly two weeks. He said he wants to use this time to see if things will be any better when he returns. I don't see how things can be much better in that short amount of time at all!

Any thoughts here? I welcome them all. Thanks.

Where's the OW?

Use the time he's away to work on you. Detach. Do things you want to do. Have fun. Play.

Hey, NY. OW lives in the next town over from us, but I believe she is out of the picture although I can't say for sure.

Thanks, AussieGirl. I plan on taking full advantage of my time alone.

H has been going through little mood swings today. Happy, then irritable. Content, then snippy. My tongue is sore from me having to bite it.

I have alot of serious thinking to do about everything. Sometimes it feels like H is deliberately trying to push my buttons. I have felt that way alot today. It's almost as if he's trying to get me to say, "Get the h*** out of here now! I can't stand you anymore! It's over!".....or maybe it's just me. Maybe that's what I do feel like saying to H. I don't know.

Just venting a bit. Thanks for listening.

I agree with Sage...You have ALOT of postives in your sitch right now. I know it isnt perfect, but they are distinct positives. OW is out of pic, he wants to get rid of the car that reminds him of her, he is trying to take a step back to see how he feels, and HE HASNT LEFT HOME YET!

During the time that H is away on business, really take a look at yourself and see how you would like to move forward and make changes for you. THe betrayel of an A is hard to get over, but people do it. The first and most important thing is that the A ends. As for alot of us here, the A has not ended which prevents the moving forward on rebuilding your R. So you have a good head start.

You have handled yourself quite well, allowing H to feel comfortable in telling you his feelings and being there for him. When things start to look better for you two, your needs will be met as well. It sucks that your needs to be put on hold for right now, but they do!

Keep up the good work!

Sun

Hi!

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Wow! How positive! You had mentioned that you wouldn't get in the car...and now here's h acknowledging the intrusion of the car in your lives! Excellent!

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Yes, that's definitely a plus there! I didn't see it that way at first. I felt some relief, but at the same time, I felt a bit guilty. I even told H when he said he was thinking of getting rid of it, "You don't have to get rid of the car. It's a nice car, I know you really like it, and you deserve to keep it." H said he'd think about it some more.

Last night H left for Oregon to give back the car. I told him again that he didn't have to, but H said yes he does. H said he wants to make things better and that's one of the things he needs to do.

So, yes! Absolutely a positive!

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I really wish that I could convince you to take a hiatus and just view "doing nothing" as a perfectly ok way to handle things for the time being. (where "doing nothing" means not pushing for answers or action). It's a very powerful thing to just "go with it" for some time.

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I don't think I need the convincing (or maybe I do ). I think H needs it! H brings up R talks EVERYDAY. H keeps saying he's sorry, he's confused, he doesn't know, etc, etc. I do my best to avoid this stuff when I feel it coming, but H won't let it go!

Sage, I think I've picked up on a clue from H telling me what he wants, and please tell me if you think otherwise:

Can you remember in one of my previous posts where I said H was saying sorry again, and instead of me saying it was ok, I chose to say, "You should be sorry!..."? I think I said what I said because of something H said prior to that. H said, "I don't understand why you don't hate me! JV, if you were talking to another man, I WOULD LEAVE YOU! I wouldn't put up with it! I wouldn't tell you it was ok!"......I also remember you wrote that maybe H was looking for me to agree with him that what he did was AWFUL.

I've been having my doubts about everything for awhile now. Yesterday was a very "doubtful" day for me. H called last night while he was on the road to Oregon. It was during a "down" time for me. H asked what's wrong. I said I don't know. He asked again what was wrong, and I told him I just didn't know. I'm not sure of anything myself right now. H said neither is he. I told him I feel stuck, like I don't know what I want anymore. H TELLS ME to just take it easy! H TELLS ME that everything will be ok, and we'll get through this one way or another! For the first time, H SOUNDED like he REALLY believes that. But I remind myself not to get TOO enthusiastic about anything anymore because we all know how VERY confused my H is.

H will be leaving for AZ either tomorrow or Thursday. I REALLY want to avoid all R talks, all emotions, all uncertainties. I feel like I want to avoid H altogether while he's away. The whole time! I feel like suggesting that we shouldn't talk to each other while H is away. I think we need a break from each other. Not a separation - just a break. I can have the kids call him everyday like always, but I don't want to talk to him. I want to do absolutely nothing! Is this a bad idea?

H will be home around 3 or 4pm today. Thanks for listening.

Hi, Sun.

Yes, you and Sage are both right. There are alot of positives in my sitch. I guess it's just much more harder to see them from the inside.

Thanks for pointing them out! It really helps.

Little update:

H got home about 40 minutes ago. He's taking a shower now then I'm going to get my nails done while he stays with the kids.

Not 5 minutes after he got home, his cell rings. It's co-worker (owner of the car H just returned all the way to Oregon). It sounds like co-worker is trying to persuade H into taking the car back, and H is considering it, but tells co-worker he needs to discuss it with me first.

OK. I know I told H he didn't have to get rid of the car, but I was REALLY feeling alot better about it being gone. Now what do I do? What if H does want it back? I hated seeing it everyday, I sat in it twice after finding out about H's A, and I felt sooooo sick to my stomach from knowing that OW had been sitting where I was, probably leaning over kissing my H or holding hands.

What do I do? Help please!

Well, I gave myself a good whack. I was beginning to get myself worked up over nothing. H is not taking the car back. He said he only told his co-worker what he did to be nice. Then H called him later to tell him he doesn't want the car.