Something else I forgot to post was when H calls me or I call him, he actually talks to me. Before he would be very abrupt and not talk at all ( I always felt like I had interrupted something). I got to the point where I didn't want to call him unless absolutely necessary. I mean we are not having long drawn out convos but he just doesn't seem as in a big of a hurry to hang up these days. The few emails I have gotten have been the same way, not one word responses. So, I feel like he is trying a little.
Definately baby steps. Don't worry , I am not getting my hopes up or expecting anything at this point.
Hey, some really good news. I got the transfer I requested for next year. At least no matter what happens, the next school year will be easier. YEA!!
I am feeling better, at peace. Whew, needed to feel that.
Well I am sitting (half laying) on the couch and H is getting the grill ready to cook dinner. He comes by and gives me a hug, then says hi___(insert pet name-which he has only said once since this has all happened). I reply Hi (pet name)He then gives me a kiss!!! Then he reaches down and touches my knee. I know, sounds goofy but hey when he hasn't touched you in a long time, you take what you can get. Right??
While cooking, he gets the portable outdoor fireplace going. When dinner is done, he comes and says (sheepishly) I made the fire too big, I will have to eat outside. I smile and say okay. He then adds, you can eat out there too. Well, I decide to detach and I ate inside with the kids. He is still out there with his fire.
Your doing great and it sounds like your H might be doing some honest to goodness soul searching. My advise is to be loving but firm. Indirectly, he must know that you are open to fixing your M... but it can't continue as it has.
My W is sitting with her 96 year old Grandmother. I coached my sons soccer game earlier but now have some time to kill... so thats my excuse for lack of excitement on a Friday night.
Glad to know you are feeling better. Hope it continues.
I had asked H in one of our R talks last week (the week of h...) to try and reach out more physically. That I had done most of the initiating in the past 4 months and I really needed him to start doing it too. So, I think he heard me and is trying.
This morning he make another fire outside. We are having beautiful weather here. As I got out of the shower, he came in and asked me to come out with him and sit by the fire. So I did this morning. It was nice.
He seems to be trying here, but I am not getting my hopes up at all. I have no idea what the sitch is with ow, how much contact he has had. I am not asking and haven't in a week.
It sounds like he'd rather be with you, but be careful dammit. Like NY says, it's hard to put a timetable on things but he eventually needs to decide, Sherry or Skank!
Look, you posted to me yesterday that if my WAW waits to long to realize that she screwed up, it may be to late. Well you know what, you're right! Now, I haven't said to myself that there is a date that if she doesn't come to her senses by, I won't take her back. I'm realizing that if and when the time comes, I'll either say OK or No Way. I will say that as of right now, the door is still open but the opening seems to continue to get smaller every day.
I was skeptical a while ago when I read about GAL in the DR book but it's true. GAL is so important in our situations, it makes all the difference in the world. Sherry, I'm starting to ramble but just remember to look in the mirror every day and ask yourself, "Do I deserve this?" Maybe, eventually you say that it isn't worth it anymore and you move on. That may be tomorrow, it may be in August, it may be in 2008. Nobody will know when that time comes except YOU.
Sherry, things seem to be going positive in your deal so I'll be thinking of you today. Have a great Saturday!!
I hear you D, loud and clear. Those thoughts (do I deserve this) go through my head everyday. But, I do feel like H is trying.
I did a little backslide today that actually turned out to be good and proved he is trying.
I got up and took me and the kids to church (overslept and missed Sunday School). Asked H if he was going to church, he said no. That just made me mad. D4 asked last night if daddy was going to church and again this morning. I just tell her to ask him. Anyway, I am mad, I am thinking, here I am taking OUR kids to church and he is going to call ow. I call and leave a vm (he was in the bathroom when we left, so I knew he wouldn't answer his phone). So, I said, Here is some productive stuff you could do while I am taking OUR kids to church instead of making a certain phone call. I then add, I am tired of being a single mom with you there. I am tired of this crap and want out. I hang up. He calls back after a few minutes and asks did you really think I stayed home to call ow. I said yes. He thens says, listen I am not spiritually ready to go to church yet. He asked have you not noticed that I have been trying, touching you more? I said yes I have noticed. He then says, this is what I planned to do this morning (reading paper, mowing the yard, going on a bike ride.) I was not going to have any rendevous today. I said I am not worried about rendevous. He said or any talking with her today. I just wanted you to know what I had in mind before you got to church and your mind went crazy. Now, this is a 180 for him. I thanked him for that. I also thanked him for not getting mad at my anger. (I had asked him when he returned to at least allow me some anger, emotion from time to time with what was going on especially if he expected me to give him more time to end it).
So, I think this is a good thing even though I let my anger get the better of me. (it is that time of the month, so....). I really do think he is trying. He does seem different, not as angry as before. I am still not getting my hopes up.
It sounds good, it sounds good...but be careful! It may not be DB-ically correct but I actually liked you telling him you were tired of it. I know some will disagree with me but you're right, you don't deserve it.
Sherry... You go girl! I know that you got angry but you also received som reassurance too! Keep up the good work and stay focused. I am so happy for you and I hope that things continue well. Blondeqt1
