Quote: She claims that I say things 3 times. But that I say things from three different angles for 3 different audiences.
This reminds me of the directive given to speakers to make sure their audience gets the message: "Tell them what you're gonna tell them, tell them, then tell them what you told them."
People have said they feel very close to me when truthfully they barely know me, but I know alot about them. So I guess I'm wondering if my sharing more of my thoughts will only lead to a greater sense of intimacy for me (not a bad thing at all!) But will he feel more intimate t
My W experiences the same phenomena. Even I have my limits of disclosure (usually way beyond what people want to hear sometimes), but as I reach those limits, I feel a little edgy and nervous. I bet that's what it will feel like at first for you but instead of getting a negative response like I do ("oh man...tmi"), you will probably be pleased.
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I think I was using sex to try to increase the intimacy I felt and it wasn't working. I got excited when SSM said that some people experience intimacy via sex (rather than sex being the result of intimacy.) I thought "Oh, goody!" Easier for me than the talking more! Guess maybe I don't get off so easy afterall.
I bet for some, the little bit of quiet time before and after the sex is enough to have some good intimacy. I would probably be satisfied to if we made a point to "hang out" for about an hour with the TV off. But usually, our sex doesn't have a lot of time around the periphery.
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My knowledge of Aspbergers Syndrome is limited to a program I saw on TV featuring a child who could grow orchids.....If he was taken outside of his realm of expertise, he grew increasingly uncomfortable. Can you elaborate on how you process emotional cues?
Yep, that's fairly good characterization. Children develop intense interests in things and can develop a mastery of these subjects at a fast pace. It can look like ADD because subjects that don't interest them, lose their attention quickly. Unlike autism, folks with AS want the connection to people but are their own worst enemy because their inability to "see" subtle non-verbals from others - you sort of get pegged as "a little different" right off the bat. You want the closeness but some mechanism in the way you behave, talk, etc. prevents others from getting close...or some mechanism inside of you makes it hard to tell if someone *is* close.
After listening to Gottman's audio book on relationships, I realized that there are obvious signs and behaviors that indicate a person is trying to "connect" with you. I've gotten much better at managing my relationships with friends etc. because of this. I just take "bids for connection" a lot more seriously now. But man, I still have a hard time reading signals from people. I just started reading some texts about NLP, body language, etc. and I'm starting to notice some of the things they are talking about. I find that I don't "retain" information very well but if I experience something with enough stimulation, it's shoved into my rear-brain as an instinct. For example, I've been in business meetings where someone suggests a disastrous idea that I've tried already. I've responded "that's not a very good idea". They ask "why?" and it takes me a second to reconstruct an "instinct" into a logical reason.
But it's also a cool condition in a lot of ways. It's helped me become extremely proficient at everything from writing software to snow skiing. I was skiing with a coworker last year who was shocked at my ability...he said "I grew up in California...skied my whole life...and you grew up in Texas and started skiing when you were 13!!?". What he didn't know is that I engulfed myself into. I read books, watched videos..including a video that was designed to "program" you to ski better. I'd talk about it to anyone who would listen. I would make it the topic of research papers in school and use it for creative writing assignments. I made the most of every trip by focusing on skiing only. Because we weren't rich, I would sign up for ski trips arranged by Christian youth groups at a high school that I didn't attend (they didn't care...they just wanted my money, my soul or both). So I would end up skiing alone and focusing all my energy on improving without any social distractions. I can name about 6 "big" things I've been that passionate about in my life and many other "flash in the pan interests". Guess what "big" thing I've been into this past year? You guessed it...this "psycho-relational" stuff. When I'm passionate about learning something, I want it all. I want to take all the academics, the examples, the feelings, and the actual experience of it. I've been described by a friend as "a jack of all trades, but pretty damn good at them too". It's perfect because I really haven't mastered anything...I usually get bored or burned out once I get to a certain point.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
