I'm sorry to hear about your printer problems. Hard to believe that we all had to do this stuff on typewriters not too long ago.
Thank you for your opinion about my sitch.
Quote: I looked at your current thread. I read your letter to your W and from a woman's point of view, I thought that was romantic. I am not surprised your W cried. I sometimes wish my H would do something similar. However, I think that should be the only letter.
When W said it moved her, I felt like there is still some emotion there. I had a FF that said I shouldn't read into W keeping the letter. That women keep sentimental things. Doesn't add up to me, though. And, you're right, no more letters. W knows how I feel now. She may not have before, but I can leave it in her court for now.
Quote: She does not - in my opinion - sound like a woman who is terribly sure of D. First she started off saying there's no hope and then she went to MC, not the actions of someone with 'no hope'.
True, but it was a "one last time" thing, IMO. She said she didn't want to get my hopes up by going. I think she just wanted a neutral site to let me know her feelings (which I offered in the letter). She didn't go to the counselor to work on our R.
Quote: She is hurting and she felt hopeless, but as I've said before, nothing is ever final apart from death.
I believe everything you've said in my heart.
Quote: One thing I will say is, men and women communicate differently so maybe your W did try to talk to you before but perhaps you didn't hear her? If you haven't already, read 'Men are from Mars, women are from Venus', it's really good at explaining how men and women think.
You're not the only person that has suggested that book to me recently. It will go on my must read list. Thanks for the suggestion.
Quote: I'm not sure what sort of advice you want (I'm better at solution focused advice) so if you've got any specific questions you want to pose that you think might help your situation, I would happily give my perspective.
If I think of something that I need a solution for, you'll be the 1st person I ask. Thank you for the offer.
Quote: But speaking as a woman, I think your W still loves you.
I would love to believe this more than I do. I think you're right to a degree. I think that W still loves me, but is lost in feeling like she's "in love with me", which we all know is something that ebbs and flow over time in a relationship, even a great one. I guess I wasn't particulary "in love" w/ her towards the end or right now, for that matter. I just know I love her and I think we should try to regain what we have lost.
You asked for specific questions, so:
What makes you think that my W still loves me? What gives you that impression? I would just like to hear your opinion and any "solutions" about how I handle that.
Thanks again for everything. You really are an angel.
RE: Lexmark X5150 --------- It doesn't feed paper -------- I use Windex glass cleaner and a Scotch Brite (plastic steel wool like pad) skuff pad.
I also use a product called "Goof-Off" or "OOPS". Both are mild paint removers for wiping up splatters. They emitt fumes so use these in a well ventilated area.
The next thing to use is alcohol. 99% alcohol works best but most is 70%
Spray feed rollers or pad, rub feed rollers in one direction while rotating rollers in the direction of paper feed if you can.
Put the product on the end of a "Q-Tip" (cotton on the end of a small stick) and rub the feed roller in one direction like you are pushing the dirt to one side. Somehow, you have to move the feed rollers a little in the normal direction of rotation a little at a time untill all of the roller is cleaned .
If you can't move the feed roller by hand, it might do it self when turning the machine on or maybe you have to try to print a page, let the rollers turn a little and turn off the machine in the middle of the paper feed cycle.
--------- And you're right, the cartridges don't last 5 minutes. ----------- The ink level indicator on the monitor screen does not actually measure the ink. When the cartridge is new, it has so many micro drops of ink in it. When you print, the micro drops are subtracted from the full indicator by some math formuls. In some printers the ink level indicators could be off by asmuch as 30%. Some printers have software where you could tell the printer ink level indicator you put in a new cartridge, but you put in an old empty ink cartridge. So what you see on the monitor may or may not be what you actually have in the ink department. This is general information about Lexmark printers. They change models and software so often I do not try to keep up with all of the models.
I bet you thought you were buying a printer to print what you wanted to print. You didn't. The company got you into buying a revenue generating machine.
Examples Old machines cost $250. Each ink cartridge (40ml) printed 800 pages and costs $25. Supplies for the lifetime of the machine (10 ink cartridges 8,000 pages) costs were another $250. So the total cost of the machine $250 + $250 for ink, so the total was $500.
New machines are around $100. Each ink cartridge (10ml) printes 200 pages and costs $22. Supplies for the lifetime of the new machine (40 ink cartridges 8,000 pages) is machine $100 + $880 for ink, so the total is $980.
Hence another $480 for the mgf and resellers for the same 8,000 pages you want to print and that is if you only print in black. If you add the extra cost of color add another couple of hundred dollars to the total lifetime cost.
These, new "enhanced revenug gerating devices" are referred to as "installed units" in some companies stock holders reports. Companies explain why they are making more money using double-speak terms in my opinion.
BTW, did you think you were printing in black and not using up your color ink, "WRONG". Most printers that have a color cartridge actually go over what you print in black and print over top of the black with about 5% color ink. So, say you thought you never used any color ink and have used 5 black cartridges, there is a good chance your color cartridge is almost empty.
Laser print last much longer than ink and the paper gets smoothed out when going through the fuser rollers (fuser binds the toner to the paper). Ink fades, runs if it gets wet, and makes the paper wrinkle some because it is making the paper wet when it is applied.
In general, the cost to print 8,000 pages for most medium sized laser printers is $150 if you buy new toner cartridges and as low as $80 if you buy "GOOD" reconditioned toner cartridges.
Good laser printers? Hewlitt Packard "only". Good used models LJ-2100 or LJ-2200D ("D"=prints both sides, good for printing books type jobs). I buy, recondition, resell LJ-5 (6K P), LJ-5Si(15K P), LJ-4000(10K P), especially to accountants, and lawyers. LJ-1100(2.5K P) are OK after the paper feed roller and paper seperation parts are replaced with the new HP parts. Generic parts SUCK.
Newer, low cost HP printers print 2.5K (2.5K P) pages per toner cartridge. LJ-1210 around $150 after rebates or store promotions.
OG Lou
PS TAG. How was that no sex stuff!
PS Jo. Look on eBay and ask me about something there if you want to or a URL so we can talk about the same thing. I used to buy lots of things from eBay. I only buy from sellers with a 98% or above satisfaction rate.
Thanks for calling me an angel - I appreciate that.
HERE ARE THE REASONS WHY I THINK YOUR W STILL LOVES YOU:
1. People who are truly resolute about having a D, will not go to counselling even once for 'one last time'.
'One last time' shows that she is sentimental about your M, it also suggests she is not letting go 100%. I have heard from people involved in extramarital affairs and often the spouse who is doing the cheating will say that before they reconcile with H/W they have to go visit OM/OW 'one last time' before they get closure. This has nothing to do with closure and everything to do with not being able to detach from OM/OW.
If she just wanted to say thank you for the letter, she could have done just that, say thank you, or maybe write you a thank you letter or even just say what she had to, to your face. She didn't need MC for that.
2. She kept the letter. Hell, even I destroyed all the letters H wrote me (something I regret now) and I admit to being in love with him, so she must have some pretty strong feelings.
3. She has offered to call you (she isn't letting go).
4. She has said she misses your friendship etc (my H said the same thing and then it gradually progressed to I miss your sex, I miss being with you, let's have a hand-fasting ceremony!).
5. She probably isn't 'in love' but I think it's obvious she loves you. Being 'in love' is a state of contentment/happiness that can be attained again if your friendship with her develops - after all, that's how you fell in love in the first place. You became friends, liked each other, got attracted and fell in love. There's a film called 'Captain Corelli's Mandolin' set in Greece, and the character in that film, says that being in love is a temporary madness and that true love is what is left behind when being in love burns away. I think that is so true.
I would carry on being friendly towards your W, and interested in what she says, but no R talk and no begging/crying etc. She seems to respond well to your 'friendship' - carry on cultivating that and I am sure it will develop romantically. Be prepared for it to take a while, you are starting from the beginning there, but I think you have a good chance providing you don't get emotional and let her make the first moves.
It's nice to hear your thoughts. So many of my friends and family are of the opinion that "It's over, you just need to let go and move on, There's somebody out there who will love you for who you are, etc.". It has been so negative at times from my "support network".
I was just talking to a FF last night and she told me that I should not hold any hope, that she felt W would never change her mind and that I would just get hurt again if I have these feelings. She may be right. She was also the one who said that there was a girl for me out there who is right for me, who likes the things I like, who will love me for who I am. It sounds nice. I used to think that my W was that girl. I wonder sometimes.
I know exactly what you mean. My relatives, his relatives, friends etc all said 'it's over', 'there's no hope' etc.
They didn't have a clue. I was his partner so I knew him better than anyone. They still think it's 'over' now. I would love to be a fly on the wall when they find out we've been a couple for the last three and a half months!!
In fact, I'm getting quite a kick out of the fact that I will get to say 'I told you so'. Just think, you could have that too!
Friends love you, yes, but they really don't have a clue when it comes to offering constructive advice about M. Only you and your W can know that.
I think you should just get your advice from on here or with a solution-focused C, rather than get swallowed up by your peer's negativities.
Best Wishes,
Jo.
I have conquered depression, custody battle, OW and the Big D, and he's still MINE, so there!
I will respond to your printer post, I'm just tired tonight and find it hard to discuss technical/work stuff when I'm tired. I think it was walking so far that's done it!
Thanks for your encouragement. I can't believe it sometimes - I'm going through the whole falling in love phase all over again and it was hot enough the first time round!
Last night H was really opening up and telling me all the stuff that he loves about me.
Then earlier on in the day, my dd Alicia (aged 2 years and 8 months)came up and hugged me and said 'Mummy, we're married!' It made me feel all warm and fuzzy
Hey, I'm not mad. I don't even know what I may have said. Maybe that's what's got me into hot water with my W? Think? Wait maybe it was all Jo, Lou, and CeMar's talk about sex and I moaned hey, I'm celebit for 9 months take this discussion over to the SSM forum. I was just joking, seriously. Thanks
It was me. I was at that moment a bit emotional about my dd1 (aged 9 tomorrow) and then I wasn't sure if I'd offended you so I was kinda sitting there sniffling into my kleenex, lol.
Blame it on my daughter, it's all her fault (joke).
Lou, _________________________________________________________ PS TAG. How was that no sex stuff! __________________________________________________________ Now that's funny. I've got to confess. reading about printers was incurably painful but at least I didn't have to think about 9 months. Thanks
(joke).