Ioavva --------- I am still having technical probs with my yahoo groups ------------ I had to erase everything on my harddrive (HD) a couple of times to get my computer to work. There is a function in DOS that is named FDISK. With it you can change the partition your HD. After FDISK, then you have to FORMAT the HD, then install the operating system, then reinstall the programs. It's a long process but I had to do it several times to get things to work properly.
Jo, sorry to see that you think you have to be careful about what you post about yourself. I think most people that have problems that you have helped take delight in helping you in return. Most people I know like the 2 way interactions. I do understand your concerns 100% and if you need to lurk or change any of you identifying information in your profile, well lots of people have done that.
I want to tell a friend about this site but I am concerned he/she might see some information I wrote abour and have one of those OMG lightning bolt monents and figure out who I am throught what I posted. Some people know things are strained but I doubt if they really know many of the less than desirable details.
I was just thinking, could your H find you on DB.com through the internet history record. How much is a older laptop computer to just use on the internet with a new user name.
I have dial-up internet service and the phone line is the slowest part of the internet process so an old 166Mhz to 233Mhz laptop is usually fast enough for internet service. I see then on eBay for under $125.
------------- I've been singing for hours, going round the house with this stupid grin on my face. --------------- I am happy for you Jo.
----------- Do you think a man would act that sappy?? PS Tag, do not read. ----------- Some do Jo. For me before sex I feel like I have on a new pair of shoes. All stif and uncomfortable. I take a step and the sole of the shoe does not bend much. You make clumping sounds when you walk. I am tense because I know things are not working smoothly. I sence people around me are anoyed.
After sex, I feel like I have on my old Nike running shoes, broken in, soft, and I walk silently like a cat, very flexable and relaxed. I feel people around me like me and appreciate me more.
Your post on SSM forum was good concrete information. Most of this marriage, relationship and sex talk is something that does not get discussed in real life (RL) or face to face. I personally get too many "I don't knows", and having doable actions posted, like "hold my hand while we walk through WalMart" helps.
Something like "More love" does not compute in my mind. How do you measure ir or know what Love means to a person.
I am going to copy and paste your paragraph about the computer into an email to my H and ask him to do it. Anything technical just goes in one ear and out the other with me!
I didn't even learn how to email until 2002 when H showed me and set me up on msn messenger so I could talk to him that 6 weeks I was in the States. Fancy getting to 25 years of age and not knowing how to send an email!!
I didn't own a cell phone until 2003 and he taught me how to send text messages as well. I had never done one before, and I was like a kid with a new toy. We sent each other dozens of texts that week while he was helping me practise doing them.
I kind of do the bare minimium of what is required to do my work, and the rest is a mystery!
Re this website; my H is essentially a nice person (he does have a bit of a nasty streak when angered or hurt) but other than that, he's generally a good guy so I don't think he'd be angry with me being on here, but he is a very private man and he might have an issue with it being discussed online, and specifically he has a problem with sexual content as he 'doesn't want the whole world knowing about my SL' (his words when discussing my book).
I haven't been explicit on here (I don't think) - there is no need because people don't need graphic details to know how me and him are getting on.
The SSM forum, I got a bit more explicit because if you are talking about those kind of problems you have to be or you can't discuss it, but that was more to assist others and not to do with my H directly.
Also, the other thing that worried me is, he's quite anti-marriage after everything we have been through (people should have hand-fasting ceremonies, etc) and he views our D as the gateway to a better M, so I can't imagine he'd be that keen on a site called 'DivorceBusting' - lol.
According to him, being NOT married to someone for the rest of your life together, is how the couples of the future should be. I'd settle for that if he got down on one knee and asked me to be his NOTwife for the rest of our days, lol
Then of course, there's the other side of the coin. He might not be bothered at all; he might think it's funny I'm on here and then sign on as someone else and have fun confusing me! Or he might ask me for sex advice or something
He does things like that, he's very 'playful' - likes joking around and winding me up and then laughing and saying 'I gotcha!'.
He was even trying not to grin at me from across the court room, so you can imagine how I had an OMG moment today when he found out about this!!
Re: technology and a persons age. I have friends that would never use a computer, some that only know how to turn it on-open a wordprocessor or e-mail program, and non my age that know how anything works.
All of my real computer friends IRL are 20 or more years younger than I am. I only have two friends my age with cell phones. I don't get the resistance they have for technology. Some friends will not leave a message on the tape/answering machine or what ever they call it in U.K.
RE: personal traits. Is your H from the U.K. and what religious beliefs does he and you lean towards. I watch science and cultural related programs on TV/telly. Interesting how a persons belief system relates to how they live.
One never knows how a spouse might react to posts here on the BB even if no one else could really figure out who you were in real life.
I have seen a couple of posters leave the BB because their SO found this BB. I have also seen couples solve M problems rather quickly when both are here on the BB.
ON SSM there is NOPkins and Mrs NOP. Both very successful DB'ers. They have the kind of marriage many wish to have. They both dispense very good advice, give good insight to their problems they had that others here could apply to their M.
My W asks me about DB BB. I say it is a relationship problem solving site. I am concerned if I use the words "Divorce Busting" she would get the idea I was thinking about D'ing her. If the site had a title like R 101 ("101" term for beginning college classes) or "Improving R communications" then I would use the name when I talk to her. W jumps to her worst case opinion rather quickly.
Re:computer stuff. I have no formal training in cvomputers. I started with a Commodor Vic 20, then a Commador 64 and bought the associated computer learning packages. With PC type computers I bought lots of books and magazines and did the projects listed. At one time I could pass the basic computer "A+ certification" but things change and I have not kept up with some of the Windows "XP" and network things.
Recently, a computer school graduate was saying she had a problem and I asked her if she "FDISKED" the harddrive. She never heard if it. They quit teaching that procedure in her school. That is why I mentioned it in my previous post.
I have a friend that has a multiple sclerosis (MS) and he has a degree (1980) in computers. If I get stumped, I call him for advise. Us "crips" (slang for people with a physical disability. Not the crips and bloods associated with Los Angeles CA) help each other out.
If you want to discuss something off the BB for fear of upsetting your H, I could e-mail you my e-mail add. but I suspect anything I might help you with, you probally have experience that works better than mine. It is nice to have supportive friends though.
I try to keep everything I say on the internet public so I don't look like I am trying to Hook-Up (like an EA) with anyone.
Yes, H is well and truly English, although he does have these really nice big brown eyes which match mine and all 4 of our kids inherited the same really big, round brown eyes. DD4 has blonde hair, so her dark eyes look really striking against the blonde.
H doesn't belong to a set religion (we got married in a Castle) but he does believe in the continuation of the spirit after death and in reincarnation. I suppose if you were to look at all the different religions and pick one, something cross between the Quaker church and Buddism is probably him.
He is deeply religious but says religion is within (I think that too) so he doesn't label himself with one group, but tries to live out his belief's through his lifestyle.
As for me, I was baptized as Greek Orthodox (like the Greek version of Catholic) but I did not believe any of it. My parents took me to church every Sunday etc etc but it did not make sense to me. I felt as if I didn't fit.
I thought when you die, that is that and I carried on thinking that until I was 13 when I started getting dreams which came true. Then I realised there must be an aspect of our being which isn't physical, so I started believing in life after death and God for the first time ever. I read all these books on the soul and reincarnation and I ended up with the same belief's my H has got.
My mother was angry to start with, especially with Buddism books lying around the house, but then when she realised that I was rather good at interpreting dreams, she started coming to me for advice on dreams she had had.
She ended up abandoning her church and although she still believes in God and her religion, she is more relaxed about it and doesn't feel the need for an organised group. That was the case the last time I saw her, which was 15 months ago.
So I guess me and H were a pretty good match spiritually because we agreed with each other on everything and used to spend hours talking about it.
I know now he goes to this meditation and inner healing group once or twice a week. He has been extremely animated and enthusiastic, telling me all about it. I think it's a great idea for him to get space and chill out.
We try to teach our daughters the same philosopies - I tell my dd4 that I have loved her for 3 million years! If they pick another religion that is fine. We view it that we don't own them, that they didn't come from us but through us so we are like guardians till they are old enough, then they find their own spiritual path.
Whoa - I think we are getting a bit sensitive and complicated now
Your W would never think you were having an EA with a 27 year old! I don't mind mailing you on here if it is easier, I'll just have to be briefer about my SL in case he reads and doesn't like it.
re personal traits I am glad your H's traits are likeable to you desires. just watched a program about how a SO smells naturally, amoung other biological traits, that attracts 2 people to get married.
I see Muslim people in the U.K. and I did not want to give your H any ammunition if he was inclined to that religion or another type of belief that endorced "honor deaths" or punishments. You didn't seem like that type but I had to be sure. (sorry if I a was awfullizing things in my mind. Just wanted to cover all likely options.)
----------- We view it that we don't own them, that they didn't come from us but through us so we are like guardians till they are old enough, then they find their own spiritual path. ------------- I am comfortable with that. I am not exactly at the same place, but almost. Especially the don't owne them part and the guardians. W and I are like that with the pets. We don't own them. They are placed in our care.
I am sort of this way concerning my relationship with the woman I married. Everyone on the BB says "MY Wife" I write that way but really think "the partner I have been with" because at one time I was hers, she was mine. Not anymore. I don't own anyone so she is not "MY" wife.
I used to feel more secure in the days when I truely believed she was "my" W and I was "her" H. W working in a "Womens Issues" and personal or individual choices organization changed the way she think about our relationships, which effected how I see things.
------------ Your W would never think you were having an EA with a 27 year old! ------------- You wana bet? All she would have to see something like "I think that was sweet" in a post. It could be something like a comment about a compliment one of us gave.
I went to lunch 1X a week for 4 weeks with a guy my age. We both worked in the same auto repair shop in 1982 to 1985. W had us mentally (in her mind) living together, having sex and me dumping her. (I almost throw up when I see guys kissing and W knows that). OR Maybe that was just her way of saying she felt neglected. My eyes pop out at some of the things the W says.
One week my friend called, ( he has problems he needs to talk about too) I told him what W said and I told him if we had lunch that day I had to buy him a ring ( making humor out of the whole thing). W often sees the worst case possible in situations. See my post about KIA vs Carevan. Put KIA in the search box to find it.
Your are great to interact with. Would like to meet you, your H and children if you guys lived close. Of course not with out the "W" and your H being there too.
Reality for me "If" I ever would have an EA or something like that the lady would have to be almost my age. I think people have certain needs and wants at particular times in their lives if they want to be soul mates. I haven't gotten to the point in life where I could do something just totally for me at someone elses expence.
I read a couple of psychology books that dealt with life stages. It made cense. I have also read about May, September relationships where everything seems perfect untill some one has a serious medical problem and the healthy partner has to give up part of his/her life they should have gotten to experience. I guess being able to see it that way is called vicarious living (felt or enjoyed through imagined participation in the experience of others:) I would not want to have anyone get short changed on the life experiences they should have had.
Some things that I wrote about would not fly. Things about sex and about the innerself is a no no. W is not a prude but I am more open exploring thoughtw with others and think it's not that big a secret. W has her rules, I have mine. I try to not violate some of W's rules.
Quote: my H is essentially a nice person (he does have a bit of a nasty streak when angered or hurt) but other than that, he's generally a good guy so I don't think he'd be angry with me being on here, but he is a very private man and he might have an issue with it being discussed online, and specifically he has a problem with sexual content as he 'doesn't want the whole world knowing about my SL'
I have the same concerns about my H stumbling onto my thread. I am extremely open and I know at times because my H is so private that he sees this as a flaw or even as being disloyal. Something I have to work on there. However, right from the start H knew about DB and even had the book for the first 3 months of our separation, even though he didn't read it, and I could pretty much guarantee H has never visited this site.
Your levels of "explicit" are obviously different to mine because a couple of your posts have me blushing and wishing I wasn't still celibate
Current Thread Me: 39, H: 35 Kids: S14/D13/D11 1995-04 Married 2003-08 Bomb 2003-09 Separated
You think my H would kill me in an honour death??!
I was laughing so much I nearly spilt my breakfast. My H is a vegetarian because he doesn't want to take an animal's life so he's hardly gonna bump off the old W!
When I was going through all that court stuff and H was being nasty, I got a call from an insurance company asking me if I wanted �500,000 worth of accidental death cover. I laughed at the salesperson and said 'It would be far too dangerous to have that much money on my life. For half a million quid, my XH would kill me and make it look like an accident!'
The salesperson was speechless, he'd never heard that one before !
I'm sorry your W is so insecure. Technically my H is my XH but I still call him H because we're seeing each other and if we are truly divorced, then it's the nicest divorce I've ever heard of .
Maybe one day, if everything works out well for both of us and our spouses, we could meet. I've been to the States before and will no doubt return again at some point.
I know what you mean about medical problems and separations. That's part of the reason for my breakup as I have a few medical problems (not related to the premature birth) and quite often I'd be in pain and it's difficult for the other spouse because they have to keep making allowances - living with a person in pain is not easy.
Luckily one condition is almost better (only bothers me when I have a cold), the other one I still put up with, but I'm working on that and considering surgery. H thinks I shouldn't do it because it's really drastic and invasive and kind of experimental as success rates vary, so I have not made up my mind yet. I've decided to try homeopathy first, and other things the dr's suggested to me.
There I am going off on a completely different subject I should learn to stick to M/D talk.
My posts make you blush?? I didn't think I'd put anything in them apart from the one about OS in the SSM forum in response to Cemar's post.
Well, as long as nobody is offended. The book I'm writing is much, much more explicit than anything I've posted on here so I thought I was being mild I've also got a diary which is even worse than the book because it helps to have it written down so I don't miss him so much when he isn't here.
When he was seeing the OW, I emailed her my diary, but with the '18' rated bits edited out. Then she said 'It's a shame you edited it, I want to read the whole lot.' Well, I was worried because I'm not a spiteful person and I didn't want to upset her. I hated the fact that she'd gone anywhere near my H, but I still wouldn't want to cause her pain, so I asked her if she was sure. She said yes. So I sent her the unabridged version. I was thinking she'd be all upset, but she actually said she 'enjoyed' reading about it because it was more than he ever gave her
Speechless would be a good word to describe how I felt. We (me and Ow) became friends for a few weeks, and that really bugged H. When we were fed up of him messing the 2 of us around, we actually talked about going on holiday to Cyprus together and leaving him with the kids!
Then of course, they jointly ended their R and he said he didn't love her and came to me so I haven't really heard from her since and feel it is just as well. She has a bf now but I get the impression there is some resentment there because he didn't choose her.
But anyway, she seemed to think I should write erotica for a living and said my book would be a 'bestseller' I am seriously thinking of doing her idea.
But do you reckon on here if me and H ML should I just write 'we ML' and leave out the conversation??
Don't want to embarrass anybody on here or my H if he reads this, but at the same time, my purpose for writing it on these BB's was to give hope and inspiration to those of you trying to attain R's with your estranged spouses..kinda like, if I can do it in my circumstances, anyone can, and it can still be romantic etc, you know what I mean?
I didn't mean for you to stop writing it. Especially for those of use who are missing out on the ML and all the extra fun bits that go with it. We all get to live vicariously through you and don't forget that you did reply to me at one time that the sex would be way sweeter when the drought breaks And definitely start writing the romance or erotica because I would buy them!
Current Thread Me: 39, H: 35 Kids: S14/D13/D11 1995-04 Married 2003-08 Bomb 2003-09 Separated
I don't mind mailing you on here if it is easier, I'll just have to be briefer about my SL in case he reads and doesn't like it.