Just a quick note--H works on Saturdays and this morning when the alarm went off I asked if I could come over (to his side and snuggle) for a minute. I asked because I know he likes to be left alone when he's getting the last few minutes of sleep and I wanted to respect that--but if he'd let me, that's what I wanted to do. Well he said no. I was a little hurt but I reminded myself that it wasn't personal, he just wants to sleep a few more minutes. So I layed there a few more minutes and acted as if I was fine with it and then got up and went about my day. He got ready for work and came out of the bedroom to go and he came over and kissed me goodbye!!! Ah Ha! I know that was his way of compromising. He doesn't usually want to kiss goodbye so I know that was just for me. And that compromise is fine with me and means alot too.
Slowly, thanks for checking in. I do a lot of lurking but don't always get around to posting.
Things are ok here. We had our 10th anniversary this past weekend and went away for a few days with friends. In the past I would have been disappointed that we didn't go away for a romantic weekend just the two of us. But my H is not that kind of a guy. He wanted to play golf with his buddy and for me to hang with his buddy's wife. They are great friends of ours so this really wasn't a big deal. In fact, we had a great time.
Instead of him getting bored halfway through the vacation and me feeling awkward because he's bored, we just did what we wanted and it was great.
I gave him a card but he wouldn't open it cuz he didn't get me one. He said he wanted to get me something first. Well, that was Sunday (two days after our anniversary) and I'm still waiting. But this morning I reminded myself of that "no expections" rule. Exchanging cards is not important to him (nor to most men). I can live with that, but he could at least read mine! He doesn't understand that I didn't give him a card to get one back. He always feels he has to reciprocate and he gets stressed if he thinks he isn't doing it just right.
I just left the card on his nightstand and I won't say anything more about it. It might be kinda fun to see how long it takes him to open it!
Anyway, on a scale of one to ten, I'd say we are at about 7-1/2 right now. Our next big challenge will be the holidays--he hates them, I love them.
I will say that with time I have noticed I can relax more and I'm having an easier time with trusting him. I'm not so prone to anxiety attacks if I don't hear from him right after work. I've got other stuff to do.
Seems things are going pretty well for you too. Take care!
I've got some worries I'd like to get some input on. I've been lurkimg around here for some time--it helps me from slipping too much. Or does it?
Anyway, my H and I have been back together since June. At first it was a little uncomfortable but I started relaxing and I usually feel pretty good about how I contribute to our M. Lately I've been feeling a little unhappy that things didn't change very much on his end when he came home. Sometimes I think it's even worse.
H seems even more unavailable than he was before. He comes and goes as he pleases, he calls sometimes to let me know what he is doing and sometimes he doesn't. We don't do much of anything together except meet up at the same place on Friday night (always the same place), and he doesn't seem to want to be there as a couple. He's there and I'm there and he thinks that is good enough. Sometimes we don't even sit together. Many people comment on how he treats me, i.e., he doesn't even talk to you, he doesn't even sit with you, why do you even stay with him. Honestly, I try not to let that talk influence me, but it does make me wonder sometimes.
I work really hard at GAL. I have many more activities going on than I did before we separated. If I want to do something and he doesn't, I do it anyway. When he comes home late and wants dinner, I sometimes make him something, or leave him leftovers--sometimes I just tell him I didn't make dinner cuz no one was home (meaning him and my son).
Sometimes I think he tries--I make sure to let him know things he does that I like. I told him I liked it when he smiled at me across a crowded room, and I notice he does it more. He thanks me for things I do for him more often than he did.
He just seems so wrapped up in himself. He fell and fractured a bone in his arm and he went on and on about how much it hurt, how I couldn't imagine how much it hurt. It was all I could do to remind him about the broken back I had a few years back--that is pain you dumba$$!
He also started drinking just before we separated in April of last year. He'd been sober for 10 years. My first H was an alcoholic so I've been educated. I don't even talk about it. I just hope someday he will realize it's the cause of some of his problems--weight gain, fractured arm cuz he was running and tripped while drunk, DUI last year, high insurance rate, always broke, etc.
Anyway, I'm just disappointed that I worked hard, got him back, and things just don't seem to be any different. I think I have changed alot, but am I missing something?
Slowly