Gabriel, the letter I am referring to was written in early May. In that letter, I expressed to her my continued feelings for her and invited her to contact me if she ever developed an interest in rebuilding our R in a very unpressured way. I basically told her where I was emotionally, that I had not totally given up. I also asked her if she had gone through the photos and if she wanted any to let me know. I have heard nothing at all from her. I suspect, but don't know for sure, that her lack of response is her way of telling me to get lost without being direct...you know, the way girls responded in junior high school. If the smile was a "reaching out" it was pretty darn weak. The hurtful way she treated my 13 year old son in response to him hugging her and showing he still cared about her is a tremendous negative. I think her statements to me last fall are true, she doesn't think I love her kids and less than that is not acceptable to her. Her idea is that she will allow her kids to be disrespectful to me and my sons, but I can not comment about it and just must love her kids anyhow as I also support them financially more than anyone else in the entire world. I can't swallow that and won't put my own kids through that. There are other issues with her low self-esteem, lack of consideration of her marriage partner, her own disrespect for me and some unmentionable things that all add up to I don't think I want her back. I don't see her changing that much and she is unwilling to acknowledge my changes, even when I spoke to her about responding different to her kids. Remember, she refused to go to any more counseling, she left on her own accord, she filed for divorce and ran it through. I pursued her enough, maybe too much. It is time to accept it is over, especially in consideration of her lack of response. One smile on Father's Day is a far cry from making a sincere and honest effort to reconcile. Besides, I may have seriously over-interpreted that.
