Quote: He answered saying that the furniture work bu that all th kids and ME dont know how to care about the furniture So... what do you think will be a 180 1- Throwing away the furniture without asking again? 2- Letting the furniture in the meadle of my home 3- Putting the furniture in place and trying to fix them?
These depressed guys often worry about money - so why not fix the furniture up in some realy creative way?
Quote: 2- When he arrive home i use to be on PC.. so, now a- i wont be at home or i will be at home but doing something with my kids.
I used to be drinking a glass of wine, dancing around the kitchen listening to a good upbeat CD while making dinner.
Quote: 3- Almost every weekend we do the same.. going out with children to eat or something like that... what do you think will be better as a last resurce thecninc a- doing plans for all differents, like going to beach (maybe he right now isnt so open for this or maybe doing this i will show him too much interst on doing things together b- Doing plans alone, with my kids. (can this acctitude distance us more?)
What worked before? Usually, I would suggest going to do fun active things with the kids that he might enjoy, and inviting him but not being concerned whether he accepts or not - he might decline but then regret it later when he hears how much fun you had. Also, maybe you should go out at night with frineds and come back a little late???? Let him worry about what you are doing a little bit?
Gerry, its nice to know that even the bad moment i am living, i can still be inspiration for someone who is suffering and strugling much as i am... any advice or help i can give will pleasure me..!!
Ellie, before you write i had moved the furniture, replace it and now see how to fix ir...!!... so, again it seems i am not too erronous..!! About getting out with friends, right now i think maybe he feel it will be like a reaction of his talks... maybe letting pass some days, and then doing that will be more effective and yes, it will take the effect i want... Although i use to be here when he returned from jogging at morning, and since monday i am never here... so, he was wondering why bc he ask me today, when he need me too leave to the conference, what i am doing at mornings?!!... so, i answered him i was helping a friend organizing a conference but that there will be no problem if i let him to conference and not help my friend so early
Other thing i am doing since monday and that you remember me not to stop (althpugh you sing at kitchen) is: - Putting music while taking a bath and singing a lot
Stay around and again thakns all for your support Andrea
Good morning dear friends... Well, another day and me feeling a little better... maybe bc the jogging time i bring myself each night... Positives: -I control myself yseray night waiting h get home, although i return to that old anxious feeling. - h Got home early, in a good mood(normal), saying hello. - I asked him how was his conference and he answered was great. - I didnt ask to much, only show him i am there, so... this time decide to sleep early and before him... also i was tired bc jogging.
So, i have a bog big question... My h is living at home, he is not talking about separation, althpugh he is talking about not knowing what he wants... So i decide to apply LTR, last thecnic resource... Not showing him too much afection, not talking about R, letting him alone and detaching a little. Do you think that in my h situation, it is the thecnic i need to apply?... dont you think maybe he is waiting for a lot of butterfly effects that michelle shows on her book? Stay around and smile, you deserve the best and life is beautifll Andrea
Quote: So i decide to apply LTR, last thecnic resource... Not showing him too much afection, not talking about R, letting him alone and detaching a little. Do you think that in my h situation, it is the thecnic i need to apply?.
No - I think I would not do this. I think you should be happy, positive, cheerful - laugh and joke with him, be beautiful, smart, interesting. Seduce him in the middle of the night when he's sleeping if you have to!
He may not realize all the grumpy thingsa he is doing while he's depressed, and then he is going to wonder why you are treating him so coldly.
Did you ever read the Five Love Languages by Chapman? Are you speaking his love languages to him?
so, i dont know about his love lenguage bc i havnt read that book and here in my country i cant find it...! can you explain me a little? By the other hand, i had seen that when i became affective, lovely, it is likes he becomes more secure, with power, and torn more icy, specially when his crisis is high as now...
Quote: By the other hand, i had seen that when i became affective, lovely, it is likes he becomes more secure, with power, and torn more icy, specially when his crisis is high as now...
So just act as if you are really happy - singing in the house, smiling - and be a little mysterious about what you are doing?
The idea behind the Five Love Languages: There are five ways of expressing love - Physical touch (hugs, massage, kisses - not just sex)
Words of Affirmation (compliments, "gee, honey, you are so smart and handsome, you are so clever" etc.)
Acts of Service (cooking, cleaning, changing the oil in the car, doing and fixing things for the other person)
Quality time (being together, sharing an activity, having the full attention of your spouse)
Gifts (things, like jewelry, a new gadget, etc.)
Now, if I speak French, and you speak Japanese, you might be saying "I love you" but I wouldn't understand you.
In the same way, a man who expresses himself to his wife in Acts of Service (washing and maintaining her car, working hard to support her) might be saying ILY through those acts, but if his wife's languages is words of affirmation, she thinks he doesn't love her because he's not giving her cards with flowery words saying "I love you, you're so beautiful" etc.
Most people have two love languages which are the primary way they like to receive love. They are NOT necessarily the same as the languages they use to express themselves. (The person who does Acts of Service, for instance, may actually prefer to receive Words of Affirmation - "oh, thank you honey for washing my car, you are so sweet and so thoughtful!").
So - if you can figure out your H's love languages, and start speaking them to him, he may respond better.
ok, my h languages are words of affirmation and service... also he likes words of afection and presents, but the first are principal for hin... Right nos it seems i am talking in his languarge, being there buying his bananas and being there asking him how was the conference About being misterious, i use to be at home when he arrives home from jogging... today i hadnst nothng to do but you knw what?... i get out before he reack home, go making service to my car, wash it, etc, and then at time i know he had gone, i return... by certains comments i know he is wondering what i am doing all mornings... thanks so much ellie for your advices i will be attent about love languages... Andrea
Here i am... so differente, so nice... right now am feeling Suuuuper...!! And you know why??!! 1- Yesterday i returned to my C... and was a great session... 2- Yesterday night i enjoyed a wonderfull night with old old friends... and my h didnt get my getting out as an excuse fr him to get out and stay at home with kids...!! 3- My h said by by with a kiss this morning... (on of my communicative goals) 4- today we will get out with friends who will travel with us soon and guess who will be so happy, beautfull and nice? ME 5- my h is seeing me so happy and not affected by his "again" confution!!
About the session, my c had told me and excellent explanation for his low sex drive... he is focussing all his libido to his own problem: trying to satisfy himself t work, at own image, his own insecurness...!!... well, thats one hipotesis and i like it.. Stay around Andrea
Hi everybody and i hopes you have a wonderfull weekend...!! So, lets journal the positive the negatives and the road for my goals... 1- Afection goals a- Today morning, just few minutes ago, he said only goodbye while i was dressing after giving me money... I didnt said anything, so... maybe he catch that wasnt the goodby way i want it... so, he returned and gave me a kiss b- Yesterday i laid besides him at bed, with our kids all around, and he showed me affection, passing his hands through my back....
1- Communication Goals a- Yesterday, saturday night, and friday night we had talked and enjoyed talking to each other and with friends about whatever...!!... b- He shared with me his progression and sadness in running training (his leg is again hurted)
3- Myself Goals a- Saturday, as he went flying with his partner frieds, i decided going to beach with my kids and spent a wonderfull day... so... he was surprised when he phoned me when he arrived asking me where we were and i said: we are at beach ... he again said... " at beach? and that?... and i only answered... yes... i was wishing to spent a time at beach so here we are...!! and i really enjoyed that beach day...
Some other 180: - Yesterday, bc my Father in law birthday is this week and he wont be here, i decided to buy a cake, ask for chiness food, and invite all my familly in law and mother to home...!... in the past he was the one who ask for food, make the list, etc, this time i was the one who do everything...!!
Whats about the wrong things?!! 1- Friday night we had a fight after arriving from a dinner with friends... i had asked him money and he again reacted as i hate...!!.. so, i explode and said many many things i was reserving in my inside... But, i dont know, maybe wasnt so bad, bc after my speech and explotion, he changed acctitude through weekend and even now...!! I am wondering if he can really change that awfull issue i hate like being so personal and selfish... and not being care about my needs... but on satuday i had talked with a friend, the wife of a mutual friend, and bc what she told m, all man are a little selfish and a little anti details... so, my h isnt the only one.. 2- I catched him snooping on my pc... and he saw michelle web page i have in favorite... when i standed beside he rapidly changed the web site but i saw it...!.. but, he doesnt know too much english and maybe he is wondering what is divorce busting...!!... maybe he is more afraid than secure about me looking on that page.. Divorce?!, why she is visiting that page?!!! So, after catching him, i changed that page to another carped he cant see it again in the future... So, thats all till now... see you around... Andrea
and the road for my goals...