Anita? It just goes to show you how our perceptions of each other don't match up with reality. I always figured your name was Shannon or Lauren, or something very "Irish" sounding. And that your last name was O'Halloran or O'Reilly.
Congrats!!!! I am so happy to hear you marriage is improving. How did you learn to have such patience? Have you always been that way or was it something learned along the way?
I've always had a patient demeanor BUT I have definitely had to learn more patience in this R and force myself to try to see things from his perspective as well, which fortunately for me objectivity tends to be something I'm pretty good at (most of the time)...and it really helps.
I find the empathy that comes with trying to understand his side of things and understand how he views me really helps in the patience department....BUT, I think the key for me was when I finally realized that recognizing his small efforts and validating him for those efforts paid off.
No, it didn't pay off big, but we all have to start somewhere right? It's unrealistic for me to think that just because he understands now that I have needs to be fulfilled that he's going to jump in with both feet and start doing everything I need the way I need it now...that's just not going to happen.
He's going to have to start small and build up and that's going to take time. That's where validating his small efforts will build into real improvement...each small effort that is backed by my appreciation and validation will build into a larger effort, etc.
Lassie, Are you a patient person in other areas of your life?
I suffer from a lack of patience in all areas, not just intimacy. Well I don't know if I suffer..if I do, I guess I bring it on myself, lol.
Also, I have a tendency to get crabby without sex and that makes it harder to drum up patience. It is not the variety of crabbiness that occurs because I'm mad at H, or anything like that, but rather the kind that happens, say, if you didn't sleep well or haven't eaten all day. Just that irritability that flares up because your body is screaming out for something it needs and you are ignoring it. I find myself irritable and wondering why I just snapped at whomever and then I think, ohhhhhhh right...and try to get a grip.
I'm sure you all can tell from the "tone" of my posts on the bb whether I've been residing in Camp Lackanookie or Camp Makalovie. I usually realize it belatedly.
I am a cheerful person by nature, but my patience drops drastically without sex.
To be honest with you I guess an outside observer would view me as being a very patient person in most aspects...whereas I view it more as biding my time for the right opportunity to speak up. But I guess in reality, yes...I would say I am patient.
My demeanor often appears very patient I'm sure. BUT I'm an introvet by nature (even though I can be outgoing and fit into any situatoin when necessary) so I tend to observe silently, process things internally and then act upon my conclusions...this takes a little time...therefore I appear patient LOL.
I would really say though that my ability to remain very objective (even our C says I am, which I took as a nice pat on the back) really helps my patience level. It's very hard to remain objective in the situations we HDWs find ourselves in...and the times that I've lost my patience, I've definitely lost my empathy & objectivity as well.
There's one very noticeable difference between you and I however Honeypot. I do allow myself a release, I do MB when I finally reach that "I can't stand this!" stage anymore. Or I grab my H and tell him "do you realize how long it's been since I have had an O?! End it ends now!" That usually does the trick too LOL.
If I didn't have some type of a sexual release I imagine my outlook would probably be very different. Although I've always been a "glass half full" type of a person too...so I imagine I'd still find a positive spin somehow on this too.
I can relate to you so much. Because I also get very crabby with no sex. Then with me I lash out at him. Which I know does no good but I find I can't seem to help it. When I have had sex I am happy and singing and smiling.LOL
Now also I do masturbate. But I find that it really takes just a tad bit of edge off. But no where near satisfies me. So I have ordered some new toys.LOL Figured maybe the one I had just isn't doing it for me. I found that I was very embarrassed to order these toys. I guess I have always thought I shouldn't need them.
