I hereby designate KEB as my agent. I was trying to frame a response to the question above when I refreshed the page and saw that KEB had stated exactly what I was thinking.
This has been traumatic. I've suffered. I've learned from the suffering. I now know what I need to do and will continue to to do it for fear of reliving this experience.
As for the return of the hobby. It simply cannot return. I now regognize that it is an unacceptable dangerous behavior. Sometimes I have the urge to hit my wife. I don't because I know it is wrong and there would be serious consequences in so doing. I control the urge and just don't. I figure MB can be the same way.
Plus, deprived of MB, I know I won't go longer than two weeks before I can think of nothing other than sex. Thinking about sex makes me sexualize my wife. As long as I tell her what's going through my mind, she'll know I'm thinking of her as an object of sexual desire.
So, there are no garentees for the future. But habits can be changed in such a way as to set me up up for future success.
Now the only issue is getting my wife confident enough to jump on board.
I wish I could trade places with your husbands. I wish my wife was still giving me a chance to change.
But then, maybe it takes the trauma of this event to make it stick.
Also, I feel the need to correct the record: I don't think I can be legitimately labled LD. When I bought SSM, I actually thought I was HD and my wife was LD. Something in my head just clicked when I read the book that made me realize that I was low performance (lazy) not that I needed a low number of sex acts in a given weeks. I would say my comfort level is between 2 and 4 times a week. I think my wife is probably at about the same place. We've just been doing it alone because of a lack of clear communication.
I'm hoping to try to convince my wife to take up the no MB policy to see if her desire for me similarly goes up. Unfortunately, I don't have much influence over her right now.
Dude, I originally thought you were talking about model airplanes or something. You must have been doing it a lot for it to qualify as a hobby, lol.
Btw, my husband is very much like you. His natural desire would be at about twice per week and more if I am up for it. (which I am) I label him as the LD partner simply because my horniness--at this period in our M--outstrips his and I have always thought about and enjoyed sex more than he. But he's not low drive in that he never wants it. He is just MUCH more content to go without than me. At times, this very fact has infuriated me.
I'm working on that, too.
I'm evidently working on a lot of things, aren't I.
hobby.... for lack of a better term. Hell, it has it's own magazines, videos and web pages. Doesn't that qualify it as a hobby? I would venture to guess more websites are dedicated to MB than model Airplanes
As an asside, I need to stop checking this thread. I'm on about week five of no release. All this does is make me think about doing my wife. Which does not seem to be an option right now. I'm worse than a highschool boy right now.
But I think your charactorization of the difference between my wife and I is accurate. She has more kink and more fanasy surrounding her than I do. I'm mostly get in get done and get out. This is why she's been so bored.
I would look forward to creating some pride in a job well done if offered the chance now. I bought and read "She comes First" which had many helpful tips. It's hard to read when there's not a readily available release handy (no pun intended).
Quote: This seems to be a personality characteristic, ie. some people only want/desire what they can't have. I was wondering the exact same things as you expressed, and I also worry about the dynamics of this in the long run
The simple explanation for this would be low self-esteem along the lines of "I wouldn't want to join any club that would have me as a member.".
I don't know why exactly but reading this thread is actually making me less hopeful about my sich. I think this is because the experiences of KEBall and Mr.Fixit make me think that there is nothing I can do to improve the situation besides threaten to leave-again. I've already done the other things they've suggested. I've performed every fantasy my H has shared (except the 2 girls one ) and I've communicated the seriousness of the situation in every way possible short of having "F*ck your wife instead." tatooed on my H's right hand. We were "separated" over this issue for 4 hours last summer and at that time my H vowed to do everything he could if we gave it another chance but as soon as the going got tough this fall when we had some financial problems, my sexual needs dropped right back down to the bottom of the priority list. So now he is getting his second (and last) chance at gaining my trust by showing up twice a week as he agreed. Somedays I think the only reason I keep trying is I don't have quite enough money to leave him until I get my business inventory up a bit more.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
) and I've communicated the seriousness of the situation in every way possible short of having "F*ck your wife instead." tatooed on my H's right hand. We were "separated" over this issue for 4 hours last summer and at that time my H vowed to do everything he could if we gave it another chance but as soon as the going got tough this fall when we had some financial problems, my sexual needs dropped right back down to the bottom of the priority list. So now he is getting his second (and last) chance at gaining my trust by showing up twice a week as he agreed. Somedays I think the only reason I keep trying is I don't have quite enough money to leave him until I get my business inventory up a bit more.