1.Has your sex life with your partner improved since you started DBing or since you read SSM? Yes. Frequency used to be once in 2-3 months, now it is 2x a week. Quality, variety and openness have increased significantly. We have been experimenting with new things. Communication regarding sexual preferences (and a lot of other things) used to be poor, now we are openly talking about it. We are getting to the point where it seems easy and natural, and have even raced each other to the bedroom on occasion.
2.How long have you been DBing or employing the techniques in SSM? 1 year.
3.How long did it take till things improved? Sex - frequency improved immediately, and quality and variety have been continuously improving. Relationship - It took a few months for both of us to start trusting and relaxing again.
4.What was the most effective DBing or SSM technique for you? I let go of my anger, tried to see his point of view (this BB helped a great deal), accepted that his love was expressed in ways other than the physical. Actually, the most useful ideas and concepts came from ‘Passionate Marriage’. In retrospect, SSM covers much of the same ground. However, reading PM helped me understand the underlying dynamics, and gave me the tools to work on my own issues.
5.Even if it didn't improve your sex life, did DBing or SSM improve your relationship with your partner? Yes to both. The relationship has seen a marked improvement in mutual respect, kindness, understanding and acceptance.
Mine definitely has very recently. My very self-contained LDH is starting to come out of his shell and try new things, without my asking, to see what works for me.
He recently managed to give me three O's in one night and has been walking around like a proud peacock for the last 2-days! Even commented that it was really cool that he could do that for me and that it was the 1st time he's gotten me to do that more than once.
He's becoming more relaxed around the house, started having more of a sense of humor, and started to become more willing to talk about things that have been very difficult in the past for him....big changes for this guy.
It did take me getting to the point I now call "my give a damn's busted" for him to start makig some real changes. I started blatantly telling him where I stood in our R and asked him one day if he was going to wait until I actually walked out the door to do something....because if he did that would be too late. That and the fact that one day I told him I didn't trust that he really would do anything to save our M because he kept saying he would, but 2-yrs later he had yet to do anything other than small efforts. Those two simple phrases seem to have made a HUGE impact on him.
Anyway...whatever the reason I'm glad he's waking up. It's benefitting both of us!!!
Even commented that it was really cool that he could do that for me and that it was the 1st time he's gotten me to do that more than once.