I guess I'm envious and on board up to "She then proceded to tell me about the movie that her and her boyfriend had seen the day before." Why did she go there? Looks like I'm about to join you guys. Please take my sitch for a test drive and share some of you best practices for divorce? My sitch: Running on Empty II
Ioavva, No, no, no. I wasn't saying my W had a bf. I was quoting enginecono5 in his post of Feb22 where he was talking about his W. Tell me how did you get to dating after D? I mean everything so far with D has been painful and leaves scars.
Went out with a few friends tonight. One of them called EW and asked her to come out. She did and we all had a great time. No R talk, just happy talk and a great evening. I told her to call me when she got home so I knew she made it all right. She said she would and she did. I haven't called her at all. Time to go dark again and see what happens.
Me and H started dating because we always were in love and I knew he never really wanted a D which helped.
When we split up there had been no fighting prior or anything, just stress from running 2 businesses (so I thought). He didn't want MC or anything, just said 'I'm going' and that's that, so I think in that respect he left the M too soon without trying so maybe that is why I am in this situation.
We also got together young (I was 16, he was 19) and we'd been friends growing up in the same village for 6 years before that. He used to pull my hair as a child. I think the life-long history between us makes a D seem insignificant.
Plus he kept changing his mind about whether or not he wanted a D these past 3 years (and he insisted I file, he wouldn't file, so technically I had to D him despite him leaving me).
He maintained a sexual R and a tentative friendship for 2 years out of these 3. There was 1 (very painful) year where we were in the throes of a custody dispute and he had a several month fling with an OW, so I guess that year was the most painful to get through.
I did most of my crying before the D happened and I was back in a 'dating' R with him, a couple of weeks prior to the decree absolute. He even said 'Happy Anniversary' on our 9th anniversary which was just 5 days before D was finalised.
When the papers came, I realised they didn't mean much and I remembered what my marriage coach had told me:
The marriage is NOT the relationship. A D is a piece of paper and it doesn't mean you can't have an R. He told me the old M with it's problems had died and now I could look forward to having a new, much better, more adult M.
His words really helped me when the D happened and of course, because I'm seeing my ex, he was absolutely right!
Jo, I did read your sitch a few days ago. You have my sympathy for all the things that you went through. I am very happy for you as far as the "seeing your ex" goes. I can only hope and pray that it will grow to that point again with EW and I. I have a few things on my mind after last night. If she has b/f, why was she home alone at 10:30 on a sat. night. When she came out last night, she was telling me about the dinner that she and her parents had earlier that night. I am wondering if the B/F is still in the picture. I do know that they were having some probs. All I can tell you guys is that it took all I had not to reach out and grab her in my arms last night. This time there was very little contact. Not like the others. She did give me one small kiss. That was early on in the night. Even when we said good bye, it was just a hug. Previously she has been giving a quick kiss. Well, I don't know what is going on in her head. I do know that her parents are a huge influince on her. I am still pretty sure that they wanted the D. Until she learns to live her own life, this is going to take a while. Now for the reason that Friend called her last night. He says that he has a plan. He figures if she keeps comming out to see how much fun we have, then she will want to be a more regular part of it. Sounds good to me if it works. I hope that she sees how much fun I have and wants to be a part of me and my fun. Not just one of the friends. Know what I mean? Well anyways, I am now dark. Lets see how long befor I get a call. I know that she will be calling to make arrangements to see the kids this week. So I will hear from her. I wish she would call for other reasons, but she is atleast calling now. Baby steps engine, baby steps. Thanks for all the input IMP and Jo,
