Ok..so drinking all afternoon and going out and drinking more...NOT SUCH GOOD IDEA!! Im feeling a little cruddy today!! But I guess I knew that was coming... Sorry, Mel..I wasnt around last nite...we ended up going out with our friends, had a good time....H was kind of a butt...but I guess thats just him...I drank WAY TOO MUCH...and stormed out of the bar and started walking home..H not very happy about that...He picked me up and yelled at me..but I totally understood..he had been drinking too and wasnt good thing to make him drive around more to try and find me. Hardly remember the rest, but when we got home, he was going to sleep in the spare bedroom because he was so mad. I talked him out of it and somehow, I ended up on the couch. OK..NO more alcohol for me...well usually I can handle it, but I guess I was just fed up yesterday and alcohol was my way to handle it.
I apologized this morning and got no response, but think things are ok...except I feel like DEATH!!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG day yesterday! I was so sick...layed on couch and in bed all day. H seemed ok with the night before...teased me a bit about being sick. Kind of made me upset that he seemed angry about having to wait on me. WHATEVER!!! I do it to him ALL the time!! EVEN when he's hungover.
My brother called me yesterday and told me they are having a baby. Im real excited for them, but it makes me sad. I am the oldest of 5 kids...my bro has 2 kids, sis has 2 kids, now my other bro having one. When is my turn? For as long as I remember, I have wanted kids and my whole family knows this. My mom keeps saying things to me about it, like yesterday when I called to wish her Happy Mother's Day, she said, "maybe next year I can be telling you that". Even SIL keeps asking me when we are going to have kids...sh@@, ask your brother!!They dont know what I have been going thru the past year or so. Only know we had some rough times. I know they know its because of H that we havent had kids yet, because I keep telling them that he is not ready. I am almost 33, H is almost 28...when is he going to be ready?? or is he???
That is when I feel the pressure for us to be in a better place, so that I can bring up children to H again. In not getting any younger and I do want kids and soon!! So, how long do I wait? How long do I keep trying to make this M work onl to find out that H doenst want kids or still is not ILWM???
Lots of questions, just wish I had some answers.....
I think I'm going to have to get my 2x4 out here, gf. From my objective, distant stance, I'm seeing a lot of negativity here and a lot of self pity. GF, knock it off. Negativity begats negativity. Positive vibes, otoh, begat positive energy.
I know how very hard it is, but you've really got to pull yourself out of this slump and get back in the game!
