When you have a bunch of little kids clamoringly celebrating a holiday you can still separate that from your own involvement with the holiday, can't you? Sheesh, if I had 20 little kids noisily going ga-ga over anything, it would put me off to whatever the occassion was right quick!
Quote: Didn't want you to feel obligated
Whether or not he would've felt obligated is his stuff to deal with.
Thanks. Yeah, most of the time if I act fine (normal-like none of this is going on), then H is usually okay. You think I would learn. He usually only gets bad if I am emotional or if I question him. He does ocassionally get moody but it is not too bad.
Some positvies (more to remind me, I guess) --H called yesterday to let me know he was stopping at the store before coming home. --H helped with kids last night --H reached out this morning and gave me a hug.
NY-- my students are a great distraction, it wasn't so much them that made me sad, it was all the adults I work with talking about their plans, what they got, and seeing all those ----- flowers being delivered. I work with mostly females, so.... Anyway, I didn't dwell on it. My own kids cheered me up.
You are doing good, keep listing the positives, they make you feel better. Sorry I haven't been posting much. I'm struggling a lot the past few days, not a very high PMA.
I understand. I have flip flopped the last few days. Right now I am chalking it up to hormones. H even asked "Is this PMS?" Sunday when I brought up something. During an R talk I iniated Sunday, he said some things. I am just putting them out of my head and trying to not believe what he says.
Just wonder sometimes how long I will do this. Everytime I look at my children though, I think, I have to do as much as I can for them. So I keep plodding along, slowly.
The one good thing is my backslides (mistakes) are getting farther apart. I am doing better at this. Not always sure I am DBing the right way, though.
Dont get yourself down on your DB techiniques. I think alot that I am not doing it right either. But know that you are doing the best you can. And the journey we are all on is tough, exspecially since we feel so unvalidated during this. But the fact that your H is still there is a good sign. He could of left, but hasnt. So keep up the good work.
Did you say you did join the gym? I have to say that I feel so retarded when I am there, like I dont know how to work some of the equipment. Every time I go though I try one new thing. I always start off on the one thing I know how to use and that is the treadmill. Today I tried 2 new machines. Now my arms hurt....LOL
Dont focus too much on the backslides. We all have them, we are human. What positives has H done today?
You can do this. You are making good progress... I can see it. Just remember that you can be strong because of who you are and your beliefs. Acknowledge that and you will become stronger yet.
Just as it is natural for you to want to bring up R talk it is just as natural for H (in his current shape) to recoil from it and say hurtful things. Stay out of his drama best you can. I think I have been able to minimize damage from the R talks because I am able to keep them infrequent. But I have to say they don't move us forward since the W has the wheel and I dont.
Yeah, I did join a gym. I feel better hearing you say you feel retarded, that is how I feel about the whole thing, too. I go tomorrow to meet with someone ( a trainer-aagghh) who will show me what to do. I am really a little nervous about it. We will see how it goes.
Positives today---H took kids so I get groceries. When I got home D4 was bathed. --He hung around and talked while I put groceries away.
(I decided that I am not going to keep doing everything. Today instead of saying to H I am going to get groceries, I said we need groceries so what do you want to do about getting groceries and dinner. He suggested going out to eat (which I am all for) then he took the kids on home and let me go without the kids.
I don't know if that is bad DBing or a 180 for me. Anyway, he didn't get mad. He was tired because he stayed up doing grades. Well, not my fault he waits until the last minute to do his grades and stays up all night before a grade pull. It wouldn't have been such a big deal if he had helped with the groceries and other things lately.
Funny, what you said about being strong because of my beliefs, tonight coming home I thought I will get through this no matter what. Whatever happens, God will see me through this. I have known that but tonight it seemed to sink in.
Fortunately, my mention of ow and R talks are becoming less frequent. Hopefully that will continue. Things are definately better that way.
Quote: Fortunately, my mention of ow and R talks are becoming less frequent.
This is great! we will both eventually get to the point where we aren't thinking about it constantly either! Good for you for joining the gym...I really need to do something as far as excersise goes...I've just been so lazy!
Keep listing the positives, both for yourself and your relationship, that way, when you're feeling down you can come and see the baby steps.
Nothing has really happened good or bad. Last night I made dinner and we ate (the kids and me) before H got home. He didn't call this time to let me know he was running an errand. When he got home, we were just finishing up. I didn't stay and chat with him (which is unusual for me-before this I would have stayed and talked with him while he ate). Don't know if that is a good thing or not. We pretty much did our own thing last night.
